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Sunday, February 12, 2012

The power of a kiss

(Warning: this post is filled with links to all kinds of sentimental songs, some suggested by friends, some my own pick... and at least some that will bring back memories. If there's a time to embrace schmaltzy music... it's now!)

Valentine's Day is around the corner and again this year, we can already hear the whining: "It's such a commercial holiday nowadays" and "It's so random to pick that one date in the year to suddenly behave romantically".

To which I'd respond: better on that day than not at all, don't you think?

'Cause let's be honest, life goes by fast, and we often fall behind when it comes to showing our partner love and affection. If one specific holiday reminds us to do it, I say why not? Of course, nobody needs an expensive jewel to feel loved. So the commercial side of it could be ditched if you want my opinion.

But think about it: there's at least one thing you and your partner love to do together, whether it's going out to a fancy restaurant or to the movies, simply playing a game of pool, or even some kinky sex... (or, why not, some kinky sex ON the pool table WHILE eating fancy foods! Woohoo!)... there has to be something! Otherwise you wouldn't be together, would you?

Which reminds me of a study I read a few years ago, which stated that when it comes to compromising within the couple, it's better to settle for something that both partners like at least a little bit than to alternate between something that each one loves. So instead of picking his/her favourite movie/dish/position (while we're at it!) one day, and his/her favourite movie/dish/position the next, it would be better to pick something that both will enjoy, even if it's not their first choice. Food for thought...

Another fascinating fact - and proof that psychology IS a science: The Gottman Relationship Institute, known as the Love Lab, is accurate at predicting the outcome of marriage (whether a couple will divorce or not) by observing their interactions for a few minutes only. Impressive, no? From what I remember, it is not the presence of conflict in the relationship that is problematic, but rather the way partners communicate about that conflict. There IS a good and a bad way to say things, it seems.

But my favourite science findings, when it comes to love, have to be the ones originating from the kissing studies. Yes, there is such a research area. It's called philematology. What a fun way to use your PhD, I say. Study the power of kissing!

What those findings tell us, basically, is that kissing is extremely powerful in igniting and keeping the flame alive between you and your partner. Obvious, you will say, to which I'll reply by a question:

Have you kissed your sweetheart today?

And when I say kiss, I mean Kiss. With a capital letter. Because what research is telling us is that for a kiss to "work", it has to last many seconds. A brief peck, even on the lips, is not enough.

Old couples feel disconnected? Overwhelmed by daily hassles? Disappointed by their sex lives? Here's why: they don't kiss properly anymore! So here's the panacea: ditch the marital counselor and start kissing!

To celebrate Valentine's Day and love, I encourage all couples out there to carry their own little research. Start kissing. Give it the attention it deserves. Be in the moment. Do not think about your grocery list. Close your eyes. Be sensual, too. And make it last. Take note of what happens after 20-30 seconds. If you're not sure, make it last some more.

Believe me. Something will happen. (My friendly advice: you might want to put the kids to bed and turn off the ringer on your phone before you try this long, sensual kiss.)

If you need more to be convinced of the power of kissing, please go ahead and read about all the health-related benefits kissing brings about.

And to finish up beautifully, here's a sweet song that's an ode to kissing (click here), including all kinds of poetic phrases like:

"I'm speaking your tongue on the tip of my own"; "Stay on my mouth, your words in my breath" and "Our smiles kissing each other with mouths wide open".

Here are the French original lyrics:

Collée sur tes papilles

Je parle ta langue
Sur le bout de la mienne
Avant que tu me manques
Je m'approvisionne
En petits bouts de toi que
Doucement je distille
Comme ça juste là, collée sur tes papilles

Tu m'as fait la peau
Et j'ai même pas eu la trouille
Tes mots doux en tricot
Qui s'émaillent et s'effilent
J'm'en ferais bien un manteau
Pour mes frissons de chair de poule
Dans les coulisses de ma peau
Là où tu déambules

Nous deux ça fait mouche
Reste encore sur ma bouche
Tes mots dans mon souffle
Reste encore sur ma bouche

Nos sourires qui s'embrassent
À bouches déployées
Paraît que le temps passe
Mais j'avais pas remarqué
Ton bus au coin de la rue
Je déteste les vitres teintées
J'sais pas si tu m'as vue
J't'ai fait signe
De n'pas t'en aller



  1. LOVE this Julie! I couldn't agree more:) The song is absolutely beautiful too. I hope you all have a special Valentine's Day filled with lots of kisses:)

  2. Lots of LOVE and kisses for you Bridget and for everybody else! What else do we need, really? ♥♥♥♥♥♥