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Friday, April 5, 2013

Friday Fun: letting off steam

(Warning: this post contains an assortment of bad words and stereotypes, and not much judgement or inhibition. In the author's defense her blood levels of alcohol were exactly 0.0000 when she wrote this, but she might have been PMSing just a little bit. I advise you to let your guard down, to dig for your sense of humor and to wear your "sarcasm lenses". You've been warned!)

It's Friday, I'm tired, I spent the whole week dealing with dual energy X-ray absorptiometries, endometrial biopsies and transvaginal ultrasounds (not in reality, don't you worry, but in my translation assignment!!!), and I don't know if I got any IQ points left in me little brain of mine.

I think I deserve a break.


I mean, I was so tired, when I saw the term "oophorectomy" (ah, the pleasures of translation!), the first thing I thought was "and that would be the procedure where they remove your ooph? They better not try to touch my ooph!" I've never had anything removed (other than my wisdom teeth I guess), and we're certainly not gonna start there, whatever body part this refers to! *

As my neurons seem to melt away so does my desire to write something smart today. I have a couple of possibly useful and hopefully interesting posts in the making but at the moment I don't find them inspiring the least bit.



What DID feel inspiring in a sudden moment of epiphany was to Google bad words in general and insulting terms in particular. Oh yeah, I thought. Let's Google insults!

I know. I've hit a new low. Let's just pretend for today that I'm 13 years old, and everything else will just fall into place. There. Thank you.


So, the first word I looked up was "prick". It might or might not have something to do with the fact that I recently felt like calling one of my acquaintances exactly that - a prick. But first things first, I had to be sure I knew exactly what it meant. So here we go:


(Source for all the definitions below: http://www.urbandictionary.com - in italics in the text)


Prick


1. Derogatory term used to sum up the existence of a worthless asshole.

"That prick stole my girlfriend."

2. Someone who is completely worthless. An ankle-biting, washed-up rat bastard you'd rather see tied to the back of a car and driven through the fast lane than anywhere else. 

3. Somebody so stupid it's painful to those around them.

"That stupid prick sits on my fu**ing couch all day eating puffed cheesies and scratching his ass."

Those wonderful definitions led me to another, equally pleasant qualifier, namely:

Moron

1. Another word for George W Bush. Someone who lacks one shred of intellectual curiosity. Someone who uses the word "misunderestimated".

"Bush took first place at the world moron championships this year."

2. This refers to 90% of the population and their inability to make logical and common sense decisions. T
he only way to deal with this is to treat everybody as a moron till proven otherwise. How? Explain things to them like you would a child and hope they don't make a mistake.

"If you require an example you are probably part of the problem."


But of course this blog is supposed to be at least minimally informative, which led me to add this definition for the benefit of you, readers!

Moron was originally a scientific term, coined by psychologist Henry Goddard from a Greek word meaning "foolish" and used to describe a person with a determined mental age between 8 and 12 on the Binet scale. It was also once applied to people with an IQ of 51-70 and was a step up from "imbecile" (IQ of 26-50) and two steps up from "idiot" (IQ of 0-25). The word moron, along with "retarded" and "feeble-minded" (among others), was once considered a valid descriptor in the psychological community, though these words have all now passed into common slang use, exclusively in a detrimental context.

"That person is a moron!"

After pricks and morons I still had energy in store and so I followed a link to bitch. This is what I found:

Bitch


1.  Word used to describe the act of whining excessively.
2.  Person who rides specifically in the middle of a front-seat only car meant for 2 passengers or less.
3.  Modern-day servant; A person who performs tasks for another, usually degrading in status.
4.  Term used to exclaim hardship. 

(1) "Stop bitching Todd!"
(2) "Can I ride bitch?"
(3) "Bring my friend and I some vodka, bitch."
(4) *Person tells story to other cellmate, depicting how they came to be there, cellmate says* "Ain't that a Bitch!"

After all this I'm afraid I'm left with even less brain cells than I had to begin with, but interestingly, I feel slightly happier! Is that what they mean by happy fool?

* The first reader to provide me with an accurate definition of "oophorectomy" (hint: males are not concerned by this procedure) will receive a complimentary bikini picture of me... 


... in your dreams! LOL


P.S.: By the way, what do you think of the names I came up with for the future kittens I'm thinking of acquiring:  Influenza and Coryza! Cool ha?

(This post might self-destruct shortly after you finish reading it... or not.)

7 comments:

  1. How about Psoriasis and Eczema for your kittens names?

    I don't know what part of the body the ooph is and if it's covered by a bikini but the picture you promise would probably take my ooph away..

    First time caller, long time listener, big fan of your show!

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  2. While we're at it, Pus and Mucus would be pretty original names too! Thanks Anonymous for your lovely comment! :-)

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  3. I do oophorectomies at work everyday :) Well technically ovariohysterectomies ... Aren't medical terms exhausting? Laughing at your kitten names. In vet school my anatomy partners and I named our future kids after muscles - we must have been high on formalin fumes! I am trying to remember the names of these exotic sounding muscles - might need to refresh my anatomy first!

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  4. I suggest Phlegm and Smegma.

    Bon Appetit!!

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  5. Oh lord, can it get any worse than that?!? Poor kitties!

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  6. What's the difference between a cactus and a caucus? A caucus has the pricks on the inside!

    Yeah, we used to call our mentally challenges folks (not that all of aren't to a degree) morons! It's also the most common derogatory word on the Internet from what I've seen, and I admit, I've wanted to use it a few times!

    Well, hopefully you have reversed the sage journalistic advice: "Write drunk, edit sober!"

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  7. Dr. J, based on the comments I've received for this post up to now, one is justified to wonder who was the drunkest, the editor or the commenters! LOL

    But seriously, no bottle of booze of any kind was opened during both the writing AND the editing phase of this post. Which, come to think of it, might not be such good news about the state of my brain. To write this sober...

    I can only blame my "lyrical musings" on tiredness I'm afraid.

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