tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5661793229175687002024-03-13T15:41:12.993-03:00Happiness is a Dish Best Savoured HotAchieve health, wellness and well-being... from your inner depth to your outer surface.HappinessSavouredHot (Julie Saint-Mleux)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10440062323314751611noreply@blogger.comBlogger78125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-566179322917568700.post-55134739893662962552016-10-16T18:36:00.000-03:002016-10-16T21:27:00.186-03:00Mindfulness: Overwhelmed<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "franziska regular" , "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 17px;">"<i>If you have ever spent any time around seriously ambitious people, you know that they are very often some of the unhappiest crazies alive, forever rooting around for more, having a hard time with basics like breathing and eating and sleeping, forever trying to cover some hysterical imagined nakedness</i>." (Elisa Albert)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Why do so many of us who were lucky enough to be born in the right place, at the right time, and who subsequently have the privilege of not needing to worry about their survival and primary needs, still manage to feel overwhelmed? Why are we struggling with the basics? In a true minimalist approach, and in full mindful mode, I think we ought to clear the slate and deliberately pick what deserves to make it into our lives, and what doesn't. What is necessary, and what isn't. For example:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>1) Necessary</b>: to live in a place that's salubrious </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> <b>Unnecessary</b>: to live in a place that's spotless, endlessly noticing and fixing any departure from perfect orderliness and cleanliness. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Do so if you wish, but ask yourself if it really adds value to your life, and be aware that it will take time and energy away from other endeavors.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>2) Necessary</b>: to live in pleasant surroundings</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> <b>Unnecessary</b>: to improve, renovate and decorate as if your house had to make it into a home decor magazine. (I will admit that I genuinely admire some of my friends' houses' interior design, but I will also admit that I don't have it in me to invest the time, energy and money it requires. Plus, with a house that looks "ok", I feel pretty relaxed having children and pets around, which is an underrated form of freedom.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Do so if you wish, </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">but ask yourself if it really </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">adds value to your life, and be aware that it will take time and energy away from other endeavors.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>3) Necessary</b>: to have good hygiene habits</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> <b>Unnecessary</b>: to scrub and disinfect like you have been dipped in biohazardous substances. (Granted, some body parts require more attention. But probably not as much as you think. Even sweat is nothing more than saltwater.) </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Do so if you wish, </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">but ask yourself if it really </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">adds value to your life, and be aware that it will take time and energy away from other endeavors.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>4) Necessary</b>: to look nicely put together (that is, provided your job demands it, which is not even always the case)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> <b>Unnecessary</b>: to spend hours shopping for and putting on clothes, makeup, hair products. (We waste our precious time "overgrooming", then feel entitled to complain that we don't have enough time.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Do so if you wish, </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">but ask yourself if it really</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> adds value to your life, and be aware that it will take time and energy away from other endeavors.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>5) Necessary</b>: to eat healthy</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b> Unnecessary</b>: to avoid unhealthy foods like the plague, and to follow fads that have no foundation in science. (Instead, aim to eat healthy, plant-based, unprocessed food most of the time, and indulge occasionally - in small portions.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Do so if you wish, </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">but ask yourself if it really</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> adds value to your life, and be aware that it will take time and energy away from other endeavors.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>6) Necessary</b>: to be physically active</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> <b> Unnecessary</b>: to look as ripped as a professional body builder. To be in a good enough shape to climb the Everest on a week's notice. To participate in organized team sports (this applies to children and teenagers, too).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Do so if you wish, </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">but ask yourself if it really</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> adds value to your life, and be aware that it will take time and energy away from other endeavors.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>7) Necessary</b>: to sleep enough</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> <b>Unnecessary</b>: to sleep in, or nap endlessly past your 8ish hour requirements.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Do so if you wish, </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">but ask yourself if it really</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> adds value to your life, and be aware that it will take time and energy away from other endeavors.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>8) Necessary</b>: to nurture important relationships</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> <b>Unnecessary</b>: to spend hours on social media, to call your mother every single day, or to have friends/family over for supper every single weekend. Great, solid relationships will thrive on less... no need to overdo this "connection" thing!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Do so if you wish, </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">but ask yourself if it really</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> adds value to your life, and be aware that it will take time and energy away from other endeavors.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>9) Necessary</b>: to fit in - we humans are social creatures and need a supportive circle</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> <b>Unnecessary</b>: to try and please or impress everyone. (We do it in more ways than we are willing to admit to ourselves.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Do so if you wish, but only if it adds value to your life, and be aware that it will take time and energy away from other endeavors.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>10) Necessary</b>: to make a living (and to self-actualize)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> <b>Unnecessary</b>: to work long hours, gain as much prestige and make as much money as possible.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Do so if you wish, </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">but ask yourself if it really</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> adds value to your life, and be aware that it will take time and energy away from other endeavors.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>11) Necessary</b>: a certain amount of pleasure and distractions</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> <b>Unnecessary</b>: to constantly pursue pleasure and entertainment. (Sometimes - often, alone time and quietness is just what the doctor ordered. What are you trying to cover under all that stimulation?)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Do so if you wish, but only if it adds value to your life, and be aware that it will take time and energy away from other endeavors.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>12) Necessary</b>: to know what's going on in the world (Because I vote. And raise children. And teach. And want to make the world a better place, one tiny step at a time.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> <b>Unnecessary</b>: to read each and every article that I put my hands on, to watch the news many times a day.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Do so if you wish, </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">but ask yourself if it really</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> adds value to your life, and be aware that it will take time and energy away from other endeavors.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">A subsidiary question is "Why do I feel like I need to do those things when in fact I don't?" Peer pressure? Advertisement and the media? An unhealthy ego?</span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 20.79px;"><b style="line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Mindfulness this Week</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>Which one poses the biggest challenge in your life?</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>What strategies have you used to go back to the essential?</b></span></span><br />
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HappinessSavouredHot (Julie Saint-Mleux)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10440062323314751611noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-566179322917568700.post-24746478148306056522016-09-24T22:30:00.000-03:002016-09-24T22:30:41.946-03:00Mindfulness - Nuance<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-q8RdcKUG5Js/V-ckmfJgmAI/AAAAAAAADCk/r7nNv53nEFsI6GYDFMe2fDigcNikRgjrwCLcB/s1600/champ.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-q8RdcKUG5Js/V-ckmfJgmAI/AAAAAAAADCk/r7nNv53nEFsI6GYDFMe2fDigcNikRgjrwCLcB/s640/champ.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bastien Confourier, Flickr</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">One of the most important things we learn as we get older is nuance: There are always two sides to a story. Nothing is entirely black or white (even <a href="http://www.newsweek.com/there-no-such-thing-race-283123" target="_blank">the notion of race has its limits</a>!) But fine lines are hard to draw, and balance is hard to find. Until you apply mindfulness.</span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Relationships</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">This controversial quote popped on one of my social media accounts today:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">"<i>The world ins't filled with "haters" and "toxic people". It's filled with people who are hurting and trying, ineffectively, to give themselves relief. So distance yourself if you must, but try do do it with empathy, not judgement. The only cure for "haters" is love, so try to show them more kindness than they showed you. This is how we can slowly make the world a more loving place</i>". (Lori Deschene)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It did not take long before comments started to appear below it, and most of them were outraged: individuals who had been abused, verbally, physically, psychologically, could not fathom offering even more love and kindness to those who had hurt them so badly. That poses no question, no more than the fact that your own safety and sanity </span><span style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;">- physical and psychological -</span><span style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;"> should always come first. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;">Notwithstanding the very important exception of abuse, there is nonetheless some truth to Deschene's quote. Working with children and teenagers, I have often reminded myself that few youngsters make the wrong choices deliberately (or at least not entirely) - many factors come into play. Interacting with irritating or even offensive adults, I have often remarked to myself that the source of their unpleasantness is most likely a personal struggle that I know little about. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;">I still put my well-being first, and I have cut ties with a small number of "toxic people" in my life, but this knowledge has helped me remain zen in "milder cases".</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Pleasure</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">In my approach to pleasure, I have had a tendency to assume that any unproductive or potentially harmful behavior is the sign of our need to compensate for some form of suffering, or worse, an addiction in its own right. For example, overeating would have its roots in another unfulfilled need that we are failing to address. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">This can and is often the case, of course, but I am realizing that sometimes, our exaggerations don't stem from something so problematic. In the overeating example, we might simply have fallen prey to the temptation of pleasure! The food is good, eating it provides us with a lot of pleasure, therefore we keep eating even when we aren't hungry anymore. The same can apply to overspending: we see something beautiful in a store, and even if we don't need that item, the pleasure of acquiring it feels very compelling. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The real problem arises, addiction or not, when indulging has undesirable repercussions. We feel unwell after</span><span style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;"> eating too much. Our finances are tight because we spent too much. At a milder level, even if we feel well and keep our finances in check, eating or spending too much can get in the way of our goals (overeating even slightly is not conducive to a very active lifestyle, especially if you want to be competitive, and overspending even slightly can prevent us from saving for bigger items or experiences we really want to be able to afford). </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">In short, behaviors that are unproductive, that do not fulfill a true need and that might have adverse effects don't always deserve to be demonized. A life without pleasure would be very sad. Where to draw the line, that is the question, and mindfulness is probably the only way to discover the difference.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Death</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;">During a discussion at my guided meditation class, a senior participant mentioned that she finds it hard to reconcile the detachment we should ideally have toward our own death, and her very strong (and very natural) will to live.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;">She also mentioned finding it hard to enjoy life when she knows she is getting closer to her "expiry date", and stressing out about losing her independence. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;">Upon discussing it for a little bit longer, we did agree that the awareness of your own mortality can have another, more positive effect: it can encourage us to make the most of life. What if this is the last time I see a sunset? I might as well savor the sight, taking it all in.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;">No matter our age, finding balance between preparing for the future and enjoying the moment is a challenge... but I think it's a beautiful one.</span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 20.79px;"><b style="line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Mindfulness this Week</span></b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="color: #660000; line-height: 19.2px;"><b style="background-color: transparent; line-height: 20px;"><i><br /></i></b></span></span><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b>Does any of those examples of nuances speak to you?</b></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b>Does any other example come to mind?</b></span></span></span><br />
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<b style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;">Be part of the process: </b><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>HappinessSavouredHot (Julie Saint-Mleux)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10440062323314751611noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-566179322917568700.post-41450689622667036532016-09-02T18:06:00.001-03:002016-09-02T18:18:30.538-03:00Mindfulness - Pain<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-AA-Plr64YTg/V8m99F4-HfI/AAAAAAAADCI/mOpFSet38lsEOaJbUnBcMT6Llhk_2A96ACLcB/s1600/heartpain.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="402" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-AA-Plr64YTg/V8m99F4-HfI/AAAAAAAADCI/mOpFSet38lsEOaJbUnBcMT6Llhk_2A96ACLcB/s640/heartpain.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Caja de la china, Flickr </td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">"<i>We are not on this earth to accumulate victories, or trophies, or experiences, </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>or even to avoid failures, but to be whittled and sandpapered down </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>until what's left is who we truly are</i>." </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Ariana Huffington</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Disclaimer: This blog in no way replaces medical and psychological advice or treatment. If you experience suicidal thoughts, seek professional help immediately.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Have you ever felt unbearable pain? Chances are you have, even if your life has been exempt of unusually dreadful events (e.g. torture, a war, a genocide). </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Physical pain</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">For one thing, some medical conditions or events, which may not be that uncommon, can put one into a state of intense pain. Examples include kidney stones, shingles, migraine/cluster headache, nerve pain, severe burns, and giving birth. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The type (and intensity) of pain triggered by those conditions or events is hard to imagine for the neophyte, but nonetheless very real. Cluster headache, for example, has nothing in common with "just a headache" that a tall glass of water, some acetaminophen, and a walk outside would take care of: </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; line-height: 24px;">"<i>It's nicknamed the suicide headache because patients have suicidal thoughts to get away from the pain. My patients have told me that it makes them want to bang their heads against a wall or take a drill to their head</i>." (</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; line-height: 24px;">Sean Mackey, </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 16.12px;">pain medicine specialist)</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 16.12px;">Some mental health issues, such as the rather widespread anxiety and depression, can feel unbearable to the point of suicidal thoughts (notice a trend?). </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I know a chronically depressed person who told me that to her, "life will always be a struggle", and who needs antidepressants to manage getting out of bed in the morning. Another friend once wrote that every single morning, he deliberately chooses between putting a gun or a toothbrush in his mouth. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">But more commonplace events can send one down the abyss of despair just as well. The loss of a person you loved, whether they were a family member, a friend or a lover, and whether they were taken away by death or simply chose to walk out of your life, is one flagrant example. The feelings that arise from such events are almost unbearable, at least temporarily. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The truth is, some emotions can generate just as much pain as physical injuries, and one might be willing to do just about anything to get rid of that pain. As Christina Huffington aptly put it: </span>"Giving up drugs is easy compared to dealing with the emotions drugs protected you from." Obnoxious emotions often have a physiological component, too, and anyone who has ever experienced anxiety (or any type of intense fear), depression (or any type of profound sadness) could attest: knot in the stomach or in the throat, nausea, etc.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">What's common to those causes of unbearable pain is that they force you to be in the moment, in some cruel manifestation of imposed mindfulness. When in pain there is no past and no future. You are in the here and now with the pain, although you would much rather be anywhere else (sometimes even dead).</span></span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">What to do about pain</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The main problem with pain is not its existence, but our reaction to it. Here are some of the right things to do in the face of pain:</span></span><br />
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<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Obtain proper treatment (when applicable): That could be the right medication or the right therapy - just don't assume you have to endure the pain. It took me years to find proper treatment for my migraines but boy am I glad I did not relent in my search.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Although this may sound contradictory, acknowledge the pain: Obtaining proper treatment is not the same as numbing the pain or distracting yourself from it with a harmful habit. Simultaneous to - adequate, supervised - treatment should be a quest to understand where the pain is coming from, the factors involved. Mindfulness may help identify the triggers and some solutions so that the pain happens less, or less intensely, in the future. Meanwhile, if you feel like crying, do so (oftentimes crying qualifies as part of the treatment).</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Breathe: When all else fails, going back to the breath is sure to help - even slightly. There's a reason women in labor are encouraged to breathe in a certain way. Conscious breathing can help release anxiety, stress, and physical pain. It's not a panacea, but it helps.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Take care of someone else: In between bouts of intense pain, thinking and caring about someone else's needs can be a relief - especially if they are in pain too.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Give it some time: </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">This too shall pass.</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Finding meaning to pain</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">No offense to Kelly Clarkson, what doesn't kill <b>doesn't</b> always make you stronger. </span></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Intense, debilitating pain, especially when it's recurrent, takes its toll on you (physically </span><b style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and </b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">mentally). </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Trying to find meaning to pain is a grand metaphysical endeavor, and in my opinion mostly a coping mechanism. If we're going to suffer that much, can we at least understand why?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Unfortunately (or fortunately), there is no rhyme or reason to pain. Life does not follow any logic in how it distributes suffering. You might make all the right choices and still end up in a lot of pain, or make mistake after mistake and be spared for the most part. How unfair! But how lifelike.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Notwithstanding Judeo-Christianity, I will never consider pain a plus in my life - pain sucks, and the least is the better. However, as a longtime migraine sufferer, I couldn't help but notice that in the absence of head pain, I feel absolutely fantastic. Light. Free. Blissful. I am not sure I would experience normality so intensely if frequent, debilitating pain was not part of my life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Pain is also a great teacher. Experiencing intense emotional pain after falling for (and getting dumped by) the wrong person? It has taught me to not become attached to the wrong people. To listen to my instinct, always keeping my antennas out. If something feels odd or off, I don't pursue it, or at least I remain slightly detached emotionally. I protect myself.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">That being said, I would rather not have to experience intense pain, and when it's there I cannot wait for it to go away. I cope by reminding myself that </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">This too shall pass</span></b>.</span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 20.79px;"><b style="line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Mindfulness this Week</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>What has pain taught you?</b></span></span><b style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;"><br /></b><br />
<b style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;">Be part of the process: </b><br />
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HappinessSavouredHot (Julie Saint-Mleux)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10440062323314751611noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-566179322917568700.post-38520555665205794832016-08-21T22:14:00.000-03:002016-08-23T13:00:24.320-03:00Mindfulness - The real problem with time<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-P0Dn1m80IVs/V7pOm22JbEI/AAAAAAAADB0/bxCHepgowV030WkXdG7wHPEb9RK90VbFACLcB/s1600/heure.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-P0Dn1m80IVs/V7pOm22JbEI/AAAAAAAADB0/bxCHepgowV030WkXdG7wHPEb9RK90VbFACLcB/s640/heure.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nick J Webb, Flickr</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">"<i>If we worship money, we'll never feel truly abundant. </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>If we worship power, recognition, and fame, we'll never feel we have enough. And if we live our lives madly rushing around, trying to find and save time, </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>we'll always </i></span><i style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;">find ourselves living in a time famine, frazzled and stressed</i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">." </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">(Ariana Huffington)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Do you find yourself rummaging for time, desperately trying to go </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">through your to-do list, always tired, always frustrated?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I know I do. A few months ago, I even tried to create a detailed weekly plan that would incorporate everything I want (or need) to do; paid work, household chores, quality time with loved ones, running, swimming, going to the gym, practicing the guitar, writing articles for an increasing number of publications. To my great despair, and no matter how I tried to move things around, it simply didn't fit - especially given the fact that I wanted the supreme luxury of also sleeping 8 hours per night. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">There is nothing original about my quest for hours, nor is there with my ongoing frustration with the unfinished state of so many of my ventures: as a working parent of the new millenium, I am in good company.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Not content to simply accept this state of affairs, I decided to dig deeper: <b>Why do we feel so pressed for time while living in comfort and privilege?</b> Does it have to be that way? How can we create for ourselves a schedule that has a more organic pace, while still reaching at least some of our goals?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The more I researched the topic, and the more I experimented with my use of time (this summer, for example, was the first in many years that I did not create a long to-do list for myself), the more I realized that <b>the real problem is not time</b>. Our stressed out and frustrated state originates from a few other factors:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Expectations</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Simply put, many of us tend to underestimate the time it will take to do something. I am definitely guilty of that. <b>The first step toward regaining control over our use of time might be to actually set aside enough time to accomplish the things we want to accomplish.</b> If, like me, you also struggle to remain focused on the task at hand (I can barely empty a dishwasher without researching something on Google halfway through), you may want to plan even more time. Which takes us to the next factor: </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Attention</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">No matter how much time you spend on a task, if you are not focused on it, you are not making progress. It doesn't matter if you are distracted by others (external interruptions) or by yourself (daydreaming, multitasking). <b>A block of time devoted to something must indeed be devoted to it!</b> How to accomplish that? Monotask. Take the necessary steps to avoid being disrupted (There is a sign on my home office door that reads "Keep calm and do not disturb - I am working"). And plan regular breaks.</span><br />
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<b style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;">Energy</b><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Time is a finite resource. Energy is not. So what really matters is not how much we work, but how we use our energy. One of the main lessons I have learned from running is to pace myself. That could mean going slower than what comes "naturally", or taking a break before you think you need one. This, I realized, applies to any sort of activity: physical, intellectual, even emotional.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">If I try to go too fast, or if I fail to rest when I need it, then I end up being way less efficient, which wastes my time. When we do that on a regular basis, a common consequence is to engage in "numbing activities" to compensate for the unpleasantness - this is how so many of us end up over eating, drinking, shopping, staring at a screen for hours, etc. </span></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I'm not okay with wasting my time numbing pain and discomfort with bad habits that most likely have side effects. Instead, <b>I am coming to terms with "unproductive" activity (sleeping, daydreaming, reading, listening to music) that provides me with rest or pleasure.</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Priorities</b></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 19.32px;">"<i>Most people are living at such a furious pace that they rarely stop to ask the</i></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 19.32px;"><i>mselves what they stand for and who they want to be. As a consequence, they let external demands dictate their actions</i>." (Tony Schwartz and Catherine McCarthy) </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.32px;">I stopped counting the number of times I heard time-starved moms - myself included - apologize for not baking/cooking the dish they were bringing to a party, or for not welcoming their guests into an immaculate house... as if getting something from the grocery store and living in a house that looks, well, lived-in, was a venial sin of some sort. To avoid the guilt - and the ensuing apology - a lot of us will try to cram such extra demands into a schedule that is already bursting at the seams. Enough already! Do those things really matter <b>that</b> much?</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Like a teacher sets end goals, then breaks them down in small, incremental steps for her students, we should set life goals, determine the intermediate steps, and ensure that our time is indeed devoted to those goals on a daily basis. <b>Any activity that does not lead to the fulfillment of those main goals can be tossed aside. </b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Unfortunately, it is very easy to confuse our own personal goals with those that society imposes on us. Based on the current, mainstream definition of success, for example, I should be spending most of my time trying to impress others by 1) making sure I (and my family, and my house, etc.) look their best and "coolest" at all times, including on social media; 2) becoming famous (or making my kids famous, by extension); 3) making lots of money.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The problem is, those endeavors often prove exhausting, and may fail to provide the fulfillment we are looking for. I have written about how, when my translation business was at its height (and with it my income), I felt more fatigue, stress and frustration than any happiness I might have been looking for. I have since then decided to slow down on the career front, and I genuinely feel <b>much</b> better for it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Meanwhile, other activities that seemed far less glamorous than a lucrative start-up, and which had fell through the cracks, regained importance in my eyes as I realized they actually fit some of my main priorities. </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Walking in nature and listening to the rain or birds, or s</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">pending time washing and cutting up veggies, seems rather banal and, again, unproductive. But when setting my priorities, eating (and feeding my family) healthy, and making sure I engage in peaceful, meditative activities on a daily basis, made it to the top 10 - meaning those activities should indeed be part of my daily life - even if that means sacrificing other activities. </span><br />
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<b style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;">Less is more</b><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The fear of missing out is a potent feeling, exacerbated by the plethora of choices modern life offers. Is it because my father passed away suddenly at 50, long before he could enjoy any bit of retirement, making it all so clear that the clock is ticking? I have felt an intense pressure to "make the most of life". When left unattended, that pressure can suck enjoyment out of life, which is the last thing we want to happen. <b>I now know that what I need is not to do more things in general, but to strive and be in the moment, whatever I am doing (or not doing).</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And so, c</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">ounterintuitive as it may seem, in order to feel at peace with our use of time, we might need to do </span><b style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;">less</b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">, not more. To learn to sit or walk in silence, to stare into space, without guilt.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Which is exactly what I practiced this summer. There is no endless list of activities on my fridge, with little checkmarks all over it. This summer I took life day by day. Consequently, I spent more time on "unproductive" activities such as reading, chatting with friends and family, and even sleeping. It wasn't always comfortable, but I got used to that slower, more organic, pace. Interestingly, the top priorities still got done (e.g. repainting the decks, organizing the basement). Was this summer better or worse than the previous ones? Neither. But it was certainly less stressful. Will I have regrets? Probably not.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20.79px;"><b style="line-height: 20.79px;">Mindfulness this Week</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>How do you make sure you respect your pace, energy levels and priorities?</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Do you find it hard to set realistic expectations, and to maintain your focus?</b></span><br />
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<br />HappinessSavouredHot (Julie Saint-Mleux)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10440062323314751611noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-566179322917568700.post-64678790779380552932016-07-22T15:37:00.000-03:002016-07-22T15:37:51.876-03:00Mindfulness - It will change your life<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-GXIKlsbWACA/V5JiprYTd4I/AAAAAAAADBY/8Rav8L6K0sIXjQADvwA7s6DrsPiFuj3KACLcB/s1600/letemps.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-GXIKlsbWACA/V5JiprYTd4I/AAAAAAAADBY/8Rav8L6K0sIXjQADvwA7s6DrsPiFuj3KACLcB/s1600/letemps.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cea, Flickr</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Once upon a time, tired of lugging around extra weight from my pregnancies, and unable to lose it no matter how hard I tried, I opted for a time-consuming method I had put all my remaining hopes in: journaling my food intake (each and every bite), journaling my exercise (each and every workout), and finding someone to hold me accountable of it all (a personal trainer - but it could have been a friend or family member). In one word, I forced myself to be <b>mindful </b>of my caloric input and output. Guess what? It worked. By the end of the year (I like to make my projects last a year), not only had I lost the weight, I had also improved my strength, flexibility and cardio, enough to run half-marathons and participate in Spartan races. I felt amazing.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In 2015, I decided to <a href="http://happinessdishbestsavouredhot.blogspot.ca/2015/01/the-less-is-more-project-week-1.html" target="_blank">tackle another goal</a>, which was to regain control of my relationship with money and stuff. I was NOT drowning in debt. I was NOT a hoarder. I had NO intention of making a vow of poverty. I DID like my job. But I felt the need to shed some light on my spending and owning habits. My hope was that this new awareness would enable me to tailor my use of money and ownership of goods to my true needs (as opposed to the needs advertisement tells us we have), which would hopefully have a positive impact on my wallet, the environment, and my peace of mind. To make sure the change was significant, I committed to a form of minimalism: buying absolutely nothing but necessities (e.g. food) for a year. During that non-spending year I also got rid (mostly by donating) of a lot of objects I wasn't using. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It ended up being easier and more enjoyable than I had imagined. I felt like I was no longer falling for the false needs put forward in advertisement: I became acutely aware of how marketing preys on us. Being surrounded by less things through decluttering also made me feel lighter. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The process made my spending and owning intentional. Even if the "no spending year" is over, I remain very mindful of my relationship to money and stuff. In stores I act as if I was in a museum: if I see something beautiful, I admire it, then walk away from it. <b>The fact that I love an object and/or that its "price is right" is no reason to purchase it.</b> I don't bring anything in the house unless it fulfills a true need.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This year, as I keep striving to increase my overall levels of mindfulness (in the hope that it will make me a happier AND more responsible citizen), I started meditating daily, which led to both good and "bad" outcomes (for more on that, see my <a href="http://tinybuddha.com/blog/mindfulness-hurts-feeling-key-to-healing/" target="_blank">article on Tiny Buddha</a>). In the process, I put new issues under the magnifying glass. One example: in the first few months of 2016, I tracked my moods and physical states and made adjustments accordingly. This has led me to increase my sleep intake while I practically eliminated caffeine intake, among other things. It also changed my approach to the media, relationships, work, self-worth, and a panoply of other issues. One important discovery was that more often than not, I need to <b>slow down and put less pressure on myself</b>. It may seem counter-intuitive, but adopting a slower pace and practicing self-care and awareness has actually helped me accomplish <b>more</b>, or more of what really matters<b> </b>(feeling better in the process, too). Which leads me to the area I want to tackle now: my use of time. As aware as I am of my eating and spending habits, I realize that I am still often mindless in my use of what probably constitutes my most precious resource. My to-do lists fill up with new items faster than I can actually check off items. There always seems to be too much to do, with too little time to get it done.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Or so I thought. Just like any budget and the food/exercise equation, there is nothing mysterious about time management: put some in, take some out - numbers don't lie. With the difference that we all are granted the same amount of time: 24 hours per day. If you eat too much, you can always exercise more to burn the extra calories. If you want to spend more, you can always try and increase your income. But the 24 hours a day is a fixed number. The only component of the equation we have power over is our <b>use</b> of time. We need to be honest about 1) the time we need to do things - many of us tend to underestimate it and 2) which things <b>really</b> need to be done, as opposed to the ones that are optional. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My quest for a better use of time is far from being over. I hope to come back with insights. In the meantime, please don't hesitate to share your wisdom in the comments below!</span><br />
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<div style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, tahoma, helvetica, freesans, sans-serif; line-height: 2.8ex;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20.79px;"><b style="line-height: 20.79px;">Mindfulness this Week</b></span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="color: #660000; line-height: 19.2px;"><b style="background-color: transparent; line-height: 20px;"><i><br /></i></b></span></span><span style="color: #990000; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>How do you manage your time?</b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b style="line-height: 20.79px;"><br /></b></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b style="line-height: 20.79px;">Be part of the process: </b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>HappinessSavouredHot (Julie Saint-Mleux)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10440062323314751611noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-566179322917568700.post-40409445279463854232016-06-22T22:39:00.000-03:002016-06-22T22:43:36.962-03:00Mindfulness - Perspective<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Gq0Nlvrn-3E/V2s4uIEaxXI/AAAAAAAADA8/I0JL8J5tg7cbs7FBaMHO1MCTKG1-XE6xwCLcB/s1600/pers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Gq0Nlvrn-3E/V2s4uIEaxXI/AAAAAAAADA8/I0JL8J5tg7cbs7FBaMHO1MCTKG1-XE6xwCLcB/s640/pers.jpg" width="610" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: #fefefe; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"> </span>NancyNance, Flickr</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">When stuck in a rut, having a hard time experiencing gratitude, unable to find clear answers to our questions, confused about what should take priority in our lives, a simple change in perspective can help.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It struck me as I was sitting in a corner of the house I almost never "visit", on a chair I almost never use. From that standpoint, I had a completely different view of the room and of the garden outside the window. <b>It wasn't anything I hadn't seen before, but the angle was new.</b> It wasn't any better than my usual view, and it wasn't particularly exciting, but somehow it made me feel refreshed and serene.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Opportunities to "refresh and reframe" are everywhere if we are willing to get out of our comfort zone, or simply to slow down and notice. </b>Trying something different and new can work wonders. So does taking the time to actually feel what is going on inside and outside of ourselves. For example, lately I have been allowing myself to stop and observe nature. If there is a pleasant sight, sound or smell, instead of going on with my day, I fully immerse myself in it, for as long as it takes to reach a state of inner joy.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">In the past few weeks I had many other opportunities to reframe, ranging from the very mundane to the very distressing, and everything in between. For example:</span><br />
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<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The various house and car problems I mentioned <a href="http://happinessdishbestsavouredhot.blogspot.ca/2016/06/mindfulness-relationships.html" target="_blank">in my last post</a>, which entailed both hassle and expenses.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Being stuck on the tarmac for 2 hours waiting for the plane to be refuelled before take-off... and then experiencing a rather bumpy flight that left me with sweaty palms, numb fingertips and other manifestations of a fight or flight response.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Learning about friends' financial and</span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2px;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">/or relationship </span></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">and</span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2px;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">/or</span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 18.2px;"> health-related problems.</span></li>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 18.2px;">All those issues helped me put other issues into perspective - <b>suddenly it didn't matter so much if </b></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>a huge pile of laundry was accumulating, or that I hadn't found the time to practice my guitar, or even that my career was kind of stalled</b>.</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> More urgent issues, or bigger problems, were happening around me, and all my attention was on them.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">But the most important - and awakening - event was the passing of my maternal grandmother. Because she was old (98 years minus 2 days to be exact), one could assume that it was easy to accept. But it wasn't. As I said to a cousin who came to the funeral, "You're never ready to lose someone you love". It didn't matter how old she was - she was amazing, and I will miss her tremendously. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">This event forced me into a new perspective - when a loved one dies, what matters more than your sorrow? Other sources of negative emotions suddenly seemed so trivial. I had no time or energy to sweat the small stuff. What mattered was to be around friends and family, and to fully appreciate their presence. My grandmother would have approved of this reframing - if I had to list her best qualities, the number one would be her bright outlook on life. She found the positive in every situation, and got back on her feet after each setback.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I know that I will keep learning from her even if she isn't here anymore. Her unique perspective will stay with me and with everyone who had the chance to know her.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20.79px;"><b style="line-height: 20.79px;">Mindfulness this Week</b></span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="color: #660000; line-height: 19.2px;"><b style="background-color: transparent; line-height: 20px;"><i><br /></i></b></span></span><span style="color: #990000; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>What event(s) have changed your perspective? Was it a good or a bad thing?</b></span><br />
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<br />HappinessSavouredHot (Julie Saint-Mleux)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10440062323314751611noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-566179322917568700.post-73897444605123086602016-06-12T21:10:00.000-03:002016-06-12T21:22:12.637-03:00Mindfulness - Relationships<div class="MsoNormal">
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6wy1I07bnzs/V13yQUwN7-I/AAAAAAAADAo/Zi_IOcGmtsASjPovpBGB8TTtbO8qzI-FgCLcB/s1600/rela.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="424" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6wy1I07bnzs/V13yQUwN7-I/AAAAAAAADAo/Zi_IOcGmtsASjPovpBGB8TTtbO8qzI-FgCLcB/s640/rela.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">JD Hancock, Flickr</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">(Maya Angelou)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">These past two weeks, while <b>D</b> was on the other end of the planet (literally - he was in Japan), and then sick, </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I had to face a few crises on my own, including the loss of a loved one, two basement floods, an insect infestation, and car problems. In the midst of it I also turned 40.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Those events taught or reminded me of a few things:</span><br />
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<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">First, that in any difficult situation, taking a deep breath is always a good option.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Second, that paying real close attention to what is going on (inside or outside of yourself) usually helps you cope with the situation at hand.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Third, that we all have hidden sources of strength, resourcefulness, and resilience.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Fourth, that the things we think are important really aren't that important in the face of a crisis.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Last, but not least, that in most cases, others, and our relationship with them, make an immense difference.</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">If it hadn't been for wonderful family members, friends and neighbors, those two weeks and the events that punctuated them would have taken a whole other direction. More importantly, they would have felt much different for me, and not in a good way. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">That is not so surprising since, in this life full of good and bad surprises in equal measure, relationships are often what "makes it or breaks it".</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Think of times in your life when you felt lonely, misunderstood, ignored, disrespected, unloved, rejected. Chances are it took over everything else, and made you feel miserable independently of what was going on in the rest of your life.</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Now think of times in your life when you felt well-surrounded, validated, included, recognized, respected, loved. Chances are it made everything else easier to deal with.</span></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">This is how important relationships are: they change <b>everything</b>.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Indeed, happiness is closely related to the quantity and quality of your relationships. <a href="https://www.ted.com/talks/robert_waldinger_what_makes_a_good_life_lessons_from_the_longest_study_on_happiness?language=en" target="_blank">A Harvard study</a>, presented in a TED Talk by </span></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Robert Waldinger, has demonstrated that relationships are the number one criteria for a good life. Feeling connected is crucial for overall well-being. I know that even in good times, when I don't need help or support, and despite my love of "alone time", a pleasant interaction with someone can be the most rewarding part of the day. I love the feeling that stems from helping someone, or simply from having a stimulating conversation.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">This need for human connection is so important that researchers have now established that "<a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201509/the-opposite-addiction-is-connection" target="_blank">the opposite of addiction is connection</a>", suggesting that your relationships (or absence thereof) could prevent or exacerbate drug abuse. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">On top of influencing our well-being and whether or not we become addicted to substances, r</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">elationships have an effect on our physical health:</span><br />
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<span lang="FR-CA"><br /></span><span lang="FR-CA">"<i>When others
betray us or we feel neglected, when we feel angry and sad at the way others
have treated us, the power of our immune system declines dramatically.</i>" (Dalai
Lama)</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span lang="FR-CA">This is not to be taken lightly. Our interactions with others leave a trace. Some states of mind would even be contagious. <a href="https://hbr.org/2015/09/make-yourself-immune-to-secondhand-stress?utm_campaign=HBR&utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social" target="_blank">For example, one can be exposed to "secondhand stress"</a> and suffer the consequences. Don't you get tense around anxious or angry people, even when you have nothing to do with their negative emotion?</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">What this all means is that while we need to feel connected in order to remain healthy and happy, we also have to pay attention to the type of connection we have with others. To that effect, mindfulness is the best approach.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">In my adult life, I have become aware of the nature of my interactions with others, and it has changed my approach drastically, in three main ways:</span><br />
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<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I remain authentic no matter what - I stepped away from trying to gain approval and admiration, because too often, that means being untrue to yourself. I respect others and strive to treat them fairly, but I respect myself, my needs and my values just as much.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I invest more in the interactions and relationships where both protagonists leave feeling good.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I invest less in the interactions and relationships that don't feel so good.</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The third case has been my main challenge, as I grew up thinking that I <i>had</i> to get along with everyone, and that no effort was too big to that effect. Consequently, in my younger years, I devoted time and energy to the wrong relationships, tolerated more than I should have, or tried to change others. Some relationships do deserve a certain amount of compromise, but there is a line to be drawn. If someone demeans you, uses you as their therapist (as opposed to mutual confidences and support, which feels very different), or tries to control you, it might be time to step away.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Now, one crucial aspect of stepping away is to do it <i>quietly</i>. There is not need to argue, confront, justify, or take all the blame. If simple, respectful communication has not worked, then it might simply mean that the individual needs and wants are not compatible. This is especially important in cases where something more powerful is at play, <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/the-10-personality-disorders" target="_blank">such as a personality disorder</a>. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The point is not to diagnose people, of course, but to realize that some situations stem from complex and stubborn factors that we would be wise to avoid fighting, lest we turn ourselves in some form of modern Don Quixote.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I take people as they are, focus on the positive, </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">stop holding specific expectations about how they should treat me, do communicate how I feel, but definitely don't try to change them. Then if it turns out that the relationship feels draining, I can simply let it go, or at least take my distances.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">If, on the other hand, I am pleasantly surprised by the direction a relationship is taking, I know it would be wise to nurture it. These two past weeks made it impossible to ignore the love, generosity and kindness I am surrounded with. I feel very, very grateful for that, and I hope that I will be able to respond in kind. </span><br />
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<div style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, tahoma, helvetica, freesans, sans-serif; line-height: 2.8ex;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20.79px;"><b style="line-height: 20.79px;">Mindfulness this Week</b></span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="color: #660000; line-height: 19.2px;"><b style="background-color: transparent; line-height: 20px;"><i><br /></i></b></span></span><span style="color: #990000; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>How do your interactions and relationships affect your daily life and your overall state of mind?</b></span><br />
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<div style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, tahoma, helvetica, freesans, sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;">
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HappinessSavouredHot (Julie Saint-Mleux)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10440062323314751611noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-566179322917568700.post-70695269829810847842016-05-29T20:56:00.001-03:002016-05-29T20:56:45.587-03:00Mindfulness: Aids to meditation<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gHXO0rkszcs/V0uAfAdwFWI/AAAAAAAADAY/ztARO15kndEfD1rLUI4C1owS7eaGgvWOwCLcB/s1600/sauterelle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="424" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gHXO0rkszcs/V0uAfAdwFWI/AAAAAAAADAY/ztARO15kndEfD1rLUI4C1owS7eaGgvWOwCLcB/s640/sauterelle.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The things we notice when we pay attention. Julie Saint-Mleux, 2015</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">"<i>You don't learn to sail in stormy seas. You go to a secluded place, not to avoid the world, but to avoid distractions until you build your strength and you can deal with anything. You don't box Muhammad Ali on day one.</i>" - Matthieu Ricard</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you're anything like me (and the average meditator), you will encounter obstacles on the path to making meditation a habit in your life. <b>Meditation is not complicated in itself, but its simplicity can be precisely what makes it so difficult.</b> Meditation implies being here and now, without giving in to external or internal distractions. It's hard. Especially in our fast-paced, hyper-stimulating world.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have been <strike>meditating</strike> trying to meditate daily for almost six months now, and there are still days when I struggle. I love to sit still and alone in a quiet spot, but my mind does not always join in the stillness - thoughts go in all directions with no intent to quiet down. My other issue, and I'm kind of embarrassed to admit it, is that I tend to fall asleep a lot when I meditate. It could be a sign that I am not well rested, though I do usually sleep eight hours, or it could be a sign that <b>my body and mind are not used to stillness enough yet - they interpret my immobility and regular breathing as an invitation to sleep</b>. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Luckily, there are many strategies to help your mind focus or to prevent it from drifting away (including to sleep). I've listed them below:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>1) Tire yourself out before you start meditating</b>. Ending a demanding yoga session with meditation can work wonders. I also find that I meditate ''better'' after working out and stretching;</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>2) Create a rhythmic movement</b> such as walking, running, cycling, rowing, or even sitting in a rocking chair;</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>3) Engage your sense of sight</b>: look at a flower, at a lit candle, at a campfire;</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>4) Engage your sense of hearing</b>: sit by the ocean (in a quiet spot as crowds can be distracting) and let the waves rock you into meditation, or sit in the woods listening to the birds. You can also listen to soothing music, or even try chanting mantras;</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>5) Engage your sense of smell</b>: aromatherapy can help as long as you don't have any adverse reaction to the scent;</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>6) Engage your sense of taste</b>: eating very slowly, paying all attention to the sensation in your mouth, can be a meditative experience;</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>7) Last but not least, and probably the most accessible technique, focus on the breath.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Learning to meditate can be quite a steep learning curve, but I remind myself that ''b</b></span><span style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;"><b>ad'' meditation is still meditation.</b> Sometimes it's only once it's done that you realize the actual realm of its benefits. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Eventually, meditation will sneak up on you</b>: more and more, I find myself in a meditative state when it wasn't even planned. At random moments, I seem to land into a state of combined calm and alertness that improves my interactions with people, my work, my respect for my own physical and emotional needs. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Sometimes, what I notice isn't pleasant in itself: For example, I realize that being around certain individuals is draining. I realize that I have muscular tension or other types of discomforts. I realize that I am tired. Sad. Anxious. Noticing those things isn't particularly positive, but it does help me take the necessary steps to well-being. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;">Sometimes I notice neutral things, such as my heartbeat. <b>It is neither negative nor positive, but it is strangely comforting.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Sometimes, I notice positive things, such as peacefulness, warmth, lightness, joy, all those things that were probably there all along but only became perceptible once I paid attention. </b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20.79px;"><b style="line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="font-size: small;">Mindfulness this Week</span></b></span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="color: #660000; line-height: 19.2px;"><b style="background-color: transparent; line-height: 20px;"><i><br /></i></b></span></span><span style="color: #990000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>What specific challenges and strategies have you experienced in your meditation?</b></span><br />
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HappinessSavouredHot (Julie Saint-Mleux)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10440062323314751611noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-566179322917568700.post-75088034769327907392016-05-13T20:03:00.001-03:002016-05-13T20:03:03.413-03:00Mindfulness - Feeling alive, in the body and in the mind<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-d20WnlSK85M/VzZDDR4PEOI/AAAAAAAADAI/CviopM1eiYw_hp6t990ncLPxgzJvRUA_QCLcB/s1600/arbres.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-d20WnlSK85M/VzZDDR4PEOI/AAAAAAAADAI/CviopM1eiYw_hp6t990ncLPxgzJvRUA_QCLcB/s640/arbres.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">enneafive, Flickr</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Spring is finally showing some timid signs of a comeback in Canada, and many of us are feeling alive again.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It would be tempting to call it spring fever, but really, the way I personally feel is closer to waking up after a long night of sleep. I don't know if I'm particularly excited, or simply aware of my surroundings after a long hiatus. I feel like opening my eyes, stretching, looking around, noticing what is going on.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>It's in the little things: </b></span><br />
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Hearing the birds in the morning, and the peepers at night. In the winter, unless you are walking on crisp snow on a very cold day, everything is so overwhelmingly </span><i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">silent.</i></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Smelling the leaves, the grass, the budding flowers. In the winter, unless you walk by a house heated with a wood stove, the </span><i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">absence</i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> of smell is striking.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Seeing in color again, thanks to the different shades of green and, gradually, other hues as the flowers begin to bloom. In the winter, need I mention, everything is </span><i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">white</i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin, and allowing the breeze to play with my hair. In the winter we are so covered that nothing gets to us (apart from an unpleasant dampness that chills us to the bone. Or when the wind does manage to get to our skin, it pinches, bites, and burns it's so </span><i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">cold</i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">)</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">.</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It's nothing short of a reawakening of the body, and it has more impact than one could imagine. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">One of the first things I noticed when I "officially" decided to be more mindful was a new relationship with my body. </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Paying attention in general had the almost immediate effect of making me reconnect with physical sensations that I had been ignoring or downplaying. This had wider implications. At first I mostly noticed the unpleasant stuff - ranging from a diffuse feeling of fatigue, tension or heaviness all the way to specific and precisely located discomforts, aches and pains of varied intensities. One of my first "epiphanies" was that migraine affects me more than I ever allowed myself to admit. On the "lighter" side, I started making clear connections between the way I felt and my posture, my eating habits, my physical activity level, my reaction to stress, how much I had slept, etc. I adjusted my lifestyle to limit the negative outcomes, and to foster physical well-being.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Gradually, this new awareness started encompassing the good sides of the physical experience as well. I noticed pleasant sensations more. The softness of my bed sheets. The warmth of my sweater. The taste of my food. The colors in the sky. If my toes were in the sand, they felt "happy". <b>It was as if all fives senses had gained acuity</b> (and a renewed enjoyment of simple pleasures). </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I realized that one of the quickest paths to mindfulness might be to start with the body. Indeed, </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">meditation neophytes are often encouraged to do a "body scan". I now believe that a lot of my initial encounters with a meditative-like state happened while I was stretching after my workouts. <b>Of all moments that make up a day, the 15 minutes I devote to stretching might be the time when I am most "awake", focused on how I feel in the moment, attentive to my breath, taking the time, completely oblivious to anything that came before or that will come after. </b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">As my physical awareness increased, so did my overall "presence". I can "sense" things as they happen, and avoid acting or reacting in an autopilot manner: </span><br />
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Faced with a <i>stressful</i> situation, I will spontaneously take a deep breath, center myself, and realize that no action or reaction is actually required on my part at the precise moment. Or that my reaction can be very low-key, subtle, peaceful. (This is particularly true during interactions with "demanding" individuals.)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Faced with a <i>pleasant</i> situation, I will <i>also</i> spontaneously take a deep breath, center myself, and realize that no action or reaction is actually required on my part at the precise moment. Or that my reaction can be to simply take it all in, instead of rushing to the next thing.</span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">This has made life easier to handle AND more enjoyable.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20.79px;"><b style="line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="font-size: small;">Mindfulness this Week</span></b></span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 14.85px; line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="color: #660000; line-height: 19.2px;"><b style="background-color: transparent; line-height: 20px;"><i><br /></i></b></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #660000; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 14.85px; line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="line-height: 20px;"><b><i>What is your relationship with your body, and how does it impact the rest of your life?</i></b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>HappinessSavouredHot (Julie Saint-Mleux)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10440062323314751611noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-566179322917568700.post-46832686457682232742016-04-29T10:28:00.000-03:002016-04-29T10:28:01.488-03:00Mindfulness - What if nobody cared?<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JSDqdXiaH6c/VyNU6XhKbbI/AAAAAAAAC_4/Tpxv0U8Gb9Mk47ldIeLKGt27YX8VR0MhwCLcB/s1600/number.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JSDqdXiaH6c/VyNU6XhKbbI/AAAAAAAAC_4/Tpxv0U8Gb9Mk47ldIeLKGt27YX8VR0MhwCLcB/s640/number.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Markus Spiske, Flickr</td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 19.32px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>"Oh, you purchased a brand new Lexus? You’re a published author? </i></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 19.32px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Your job title is X and you earn six-figures? So what!"</i> </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 19.32px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">(The Minimalists)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 19.32px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In my quest toward authenticity, I have been pondering whether some decisions I make, and some actions I take, have more to do with what others expect of me than with what I, myself, want out of this life.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 19.32px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 19.32px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can think of a few examples in my past:</span></span><br />
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<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 19.32px;">Hanging out with the "cool crowd" even if they are shallow, mean, or both (ah! the joys of Middle School);</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 19.32px;">Trying to behave like a full-force extrovert when in fact I am more of a - friendly - introvert: I love to chat and make connections, but I prefer one on one or structured interactions (such as when I teach or give a talk) to big parties, and I need a lot of alone time;</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 19.32px;">Trying to look "feminine" when in fact I have a slightly androgynous disposition: I feel like a clown in frills, dresses, heels, busy jewelry, heavy makeup, or complicated hairdos;</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 19.32px;">Trying to go for a scientific career path when in fact I thrive in languages and humanities; in the same vein, making career choices based on prestige + earning potential when in fact my true calling (and a balanced lifestyle) resides somewhere else;</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 19.32px;">Refraining from expressing certain opinions or feelings for fear that people would disagree or disapprove;</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 19.32px;">Showing off my accomplishments or possessions;</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 19.32px;">Generally trying to get people's approval and "impress" them, instead of just going for what feels good and feels right.</span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 19.32px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 19.32px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Indeed, my mindset used to be along the lines of "your accomplishments (and your looks) = your worth as a person". Not just any accomplishments, either. Mostly the ones that have to do with wealth and prestige. I had never questioned it until I met the future father of my children, who, despite earning </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 19.32px;">the right to put Dr before his name and a string of letters after, never made any fuss about it, and barely ever mentioned his accomplishments. I was impressed, not so much by his credentials, but by his sincere humbleness.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 19.32px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 19.32px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Nowadays I strive to nurture my authentic self, even if that means less overall approval or admiration. I still value good manners, kindness, and personal hygiene, but other than that, I avoid worrying about "what will people think". <b>When I do "show and tell", I do it to inspire, not to impress</b> - which means I approach it in a very different manner, and for very different reasons.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 19.32px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So my question, today, is the following: </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 19.32px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>If nobody's opinion ever mattered whatsoever, what would your life look like right now? What, about it, would be different?</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 19.32px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Would you have the same job?</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 19.32px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Would you live in the same place?</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 19.32px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Would you hang out with the same people?</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 19.32px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Would you date the same person?</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 19.32px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Would you have the same hobbies?</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 19.32px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Would you own the same objects?</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 19.32px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Would you dress/talk/behave the same way?</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20.79px;"><b style="line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Mindfulness this Week</span></b></span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14.85px; line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="color: #660000; line-height: 19.2px;"><b style="background-color: transparent; line-height: 20px;"><i><br /></i></b></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #660000; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14.85px; line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="line-height: 20px;"><b><i>What are you ready to change for the sake of authenticity?</i></b></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 19.32px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>HappinessSavouredHot (Julie Saint-Mleux)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10440062323314751611noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-566179322917568700.post-30972966862435995342016-04-15T14:12:00.000-03:002016-04-15T14:12:35.878-03:00Mindfulness - Consumerism<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-07KnIh8hYpc/VxEebiHQX_I/AAAAAAAAC_o/pxw9nuqBjV4jmxrpWB4CZpXj8p7eIY-6QCLcB/s1600/thing2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-07KnIh8hYpc/VxEebiHQX_I/AAAAAAAAC_o/pxw9nuqBjV4jmxrpWB4CZpXj8p7eIY-6QCLcB/s640/thing2.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Adriano Makoto Suzuki, Flickr</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Throughout <a href="http://happinessdishbestsavouredhot.blogspot.ca/2014/12/the-less-is-more-project-week-0-setting.html" target="_blank">my minimalist (Less is More) project in 2015</a>, I gradually increased my awareness of my relationship with "stuff". At first the project was simply about not acquiring new things (other than the necessities, such as food, gas, new shoes for the kids, etc.) <b>Instead of bringing new objects into the house, I focused on getting "old" objects out of the house</b>, in an effort to declutter and share with those in need.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I wasn't sure of how easy or difficult this would be, and I had no way to predict the outcome. <a href="http://happinessdishbestsavouredhot.blogspot.ca/2015/12/the-less-is-more-project-week-51-final.html" target="_blank">After a year, reflecting on it</a>, I could say without hesitation that minimalism had completely changed my outlook on "stuff", and on life in general.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Simplicity made me mindful.</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>1) Mindful of the way I use my time, my money, and my space</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When shopping (a common pastime in a consumerist society) is not an option, you find yourself with an extra amount of free time, as well as an extra amount of money. After decluttering, you also find yourself with an extra amount of space. What to do with all this time, money and space? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Space:</b> In that case, the answer was easy: I did nothing at all. I was certainly not going to refill the space I had freed. I simply enjoyed it, and its effect on my mental states; <b>less physical clutter often means less mental clutter</b>. I also got rid of some bins and shelves that were no longer needed. I started wondering if the house wasn't too big (a reflection that's still in progress). </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #990000;">What would you do with extra space?</span></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Money:</b> I have been rather reasonable, investing most savings toward mortgage and retirement. However, enjoying life is still in the cards, and I have been treating myself and my loved ones also. The difference is that <b>instead of buying things, I buy experiences, which are shown to create more happiness than any material belonging</b>. In general, I find that I don't have to spend as much money as I used to in order to achieve the same level of contentment. </span><b style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #990000;">What would you do with extra money?</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Time:</b> Minimalism is a time savior in at least three different ways: First, eliminating shopping as a pastime frees time for other pursuits. Second, by owning less, you spend less time looking after your stuff, less time choosing your outfit, etc. Third, you regain some time, indirectly, by needing less money: <b>Once you significantly reduce your consumption,</b> <b>it becomes possible to actually work less</b> - since you don't need all the money anymore. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For me, reducing my workload means more time for creative endeavours (such as writing), for sharing my talents and resources, for social interactions with friends and family, for health-related activities (exercise, cooking, gardening, etc.), and - let's be honest - for rest. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #990000;">What would you do with extra time?</span></b> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>2) Mindful of how brainwashed we are by advertising</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I cannot even begin to explain how brainwashed we are. Our whole lives revolve around consuming. We consume houses, vehicles, clothes, accessories, personal products, home products, decorative items, electronics, toys and games, processed food and drinks, books, music, ... the list is endless. We are brainwashed enough that we are willing to slave away at jobs we don't particularly enjoy (to afford all the stuff) AND to slave away at home (to tend to our belongings). Our system of values is completely skewed by consumerism - do we even know what was truly important to us in the first place? We are so brainwashed that we rarely question any aspect of that system. Avoiding exposure to advertising is virtually impossible, but I look at it with new eyes. <b>Advertising will not succeed at convincing me I have needs that can be fulfilled with such and such product, and that I have to make as much money as I possibly can to afford it all. </b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>3) Mindful of my true needs</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Acquiring new things, being surrounded by clutter, working long hours doing something you don't enjoy, and generally chasing your tail does <b>not</b> fulfill your deepest needs. What does, then? For me, I am happiest in a simple environment, with a slower pace of life, making a living doing something meaningful, enjoying healthy food, physical activity, nature, music, and sharing and connecting with others.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>4) Mindful of my health - and that of the planet</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Apart from generalized over-consumption (which can be fought by buying less, and/or buying secondhand, and/or bartering), a lot of the "stuff" we consume has the potential to harm our health and our planet: personal products, home products, food and drink items, etc. I was already using a lot of the simpler, "cleaner" versions. I gradually got rid of many remaining "mainstream products": things that contain bleach (not only in cleaners, but also in feminine hygiene products), paraben, fragrance, coloring, refined sugar, etc. In general, anything that comes with a long list of ingredients elicits my suspicion. In my bathroom nowadays, you will find baking soda, vinegar (white and apple cider), coconut oil and its derivatives, Epsom salt, etc. In my kitchen, you will find less packaged products and more of the fresh stuff (looking the same way it did when found in nature). Of course, this is a work in progress, but every step is worth it.</span><br />
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<b style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">5) Mindful of my relationships</b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My - wise - father-in-law once pointed out that some people talk about "stuff" almost exclusively, and that he was veering away from those relationships, focusing instead of those were one discusses ideas and values. "Impressing others" with possessions has an appeal, otherwise no one would do it, but there are better ways to feel good about oneself. I choose my friends based not on the way they (or their house, or their car) looks, but on how much fun we have together!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20.79px;"><b style="line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Mindfulness this Week</span></b></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #660000; line-height: 19.2px;"><b style="background-color: transparent; line-height: 20px;"><i><span style="color: #660000;"><br /></span></i></b></span></span><span style="color: #660000; font-family: verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;"><b><i>What are you willing to do to regain your space, time, money, and freedom?</i></b></span></span><br />
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<br />HappinessSavouredHot (Julie Saint-Mleux)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10440062323314751611noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-566179322917568700.post-77813227140908941772016-04-09T22:31:00.001-03:002016-04-09T22:33:39.474-03:00Mindfulness - The over thinking trap<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rehqqWUe-as/VwmmTSvcdaI/AAAAAAAAC_E/gDczHiwALlISLQbGK4pJ-gaX1pQe09iwg/s1600/think1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="358" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rehqqWUe-as/VwmmTSvcdaI/AAAAAAAAC_E/gDczHiwALlISLQbGK4pJ-gaX1pQe09iwg/s640/think1.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">markheybo, Flickr</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: small;">“I swear to </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: small;">you, sirs, that excessive consciousness is a disease - </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: small;">a genuine, absolute disease.” (</span><span style="color: #181818; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: small;">Fyodor Dostoevsky)</span></h1>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 19.84px;">Have you ever been accused of "thinking too much?" Many years ago, I was (it might have happened more than once). I found it insulting. To me, thinking a lot has always been the sign of a healthy, active intellect. Thinking a lot means that you are developing important skills such as problem solving and critical thinking, and that you are - hopefully - becoming clear-sighted.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 19.84px;">Is it the same as mindfulness?</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 19.84px;">Mindfulness invites us to be actively attentive, present, conscious, aware. In addition, mindfulness implies the absence of judgment: our feelings and our thoughts are to be observed, not judged, as they are neither good nor bad - they simply are. <b>But even without judging what goes through our mind (instead accepting it "as is"), we can feel tempted to dissect, examine, scrutinize.</b> It can be useful, too. So how do we know when to stop?</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 19.84px;">This is something I have been struggling with, as I do not quite know where to draw the line between paying attention and actually over analyzing things. Being aware is great; thinking until exhaustion, not so much. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 19.84px;">Meditation, in particular, is described as the tool we use to overcome discursive thinking. But what about focused, logical thinking? Is it to be avoided?</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 19.84px;">What I have come to realize (with the help of mindful meditation) is that <b>thinking is like working out: doing it regularly is a good idea, but taking regular breaks is just as critical</b>. Just like over training is bad for the body, over thinking is bad for the mind. As Herbert Benson would say: y</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.84px;">ou need to </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 19.84px;">"give your mind a rest from</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #222222; line-height: 19.84px;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 20px;">[...]</span><span style="color: #222222; line-height: 19.84px;"> mental onslaughts or loops of thinking</span><span style="color: #222222; line-height: 19.84px;">".</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 19.84px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 19.84px;"><span style="color: #222222; line-height: 19.84px;">Indeed, after a bout of thinking, our mind needs a rest. That is particularly true for reflections that address profound, disturbing, or potentially life-changing issues. Thinking about those is draining. Do analyze the situation, but also let it simmer. A thought won't get lost if it is an important one. You might not have found all the answers yet, you still need a break from thinking. Know when you've had too much. Recognize the thoughts that are swirling, becoming obsessive, turning into anxiety. </span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 19.84px;">Give your thinking a rest.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">For more on the practice of not-thinking, <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/turning-straw-gold/201505/give-your-mind-rest-practice-not-thinking?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+turning-straw-gold+%28Turning+Straw+Into+Gold%29" target="_blank">click here</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20.79px;"><b style="line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Mindfulness this Week</span></b></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #660000; line-height: 19.2px;"><b style="background-color: transparent; line-height: 20px;"><i><span style="color: #660000;"><br /></span></i></b></span></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #660000; line-height: 19.2px;"><b style="background-color: transparent; line-height: 20px;"><i><span style="color: #660000;">Do you ever find yourself over thinking? </span></i></b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #660000; line-height: 19.2px;"><b style="background-color: transparent; line-height: 20px;"><i><span style="color: #660000;">How does it feel? </span></i></b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #660000; line-height: 19.2px;"><b style="background-color: transparent; line-height: 20px;"><i><span style="color: #660000;">How do you deal with it?</span></i></b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>HappinessSavouredHot (Julie Saint-Mleux)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10440062323314751611noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-566179322917568700.post-72972765044354192762016-03-26T18:58:00.001-03:002016-03-26T18:58:28.432-03:00Mindfulness - Food<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Wj8LYfZw-mE/Vvb7kuFg4CI/AAAAAAAAC-Q/cyNPBtDwfbwTJBWxGgv0maE8nsfrShd4g/s1600/food1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Wj8LYfZw-mE/Vvb7kuFg4CI/AAAAAAAAC-Q/cyNPBtDwfbwTJBWxGgv0maE8nsfrShd4g/s640/food1.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Tighten Up, Flickr</td></tr>
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<span class="bqQuoteLink" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 26px;"><i style="box-sizing: border-box; color: black; text-decoration: none;">"<a class="qt_436678" href="http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/g/guyfieri436678.html?src=t_slow" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: black; text-decoration: none;" title="view quote">If you slow it down, eat in courses, your body, mind, </a></i></span><i style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 26px;"><a class="qt_436678" href="http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/g/guyfieri436678.html?src=t_slow" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: black; text-decoration: none;" title="view quote">stomach </a></i></div>
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<i style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 26px;"><a class="qt_436678" href="http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/g/guyfieri436678.html?src=t_slow" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: black; text-decoration: none;" title="view quote">will catch up with this full feeling and you won't eat as much.</a>"</i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 26px;"> </span></div>
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<span class="bqQuoteLink" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 26px;">(Guy Fieri)</span></div>
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<span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">I don't know for you, but I have a long history of finding comfort through the mouth: I sucked my thumb longer than most kids, and when I stopped, it wasn't long before I replaced it with another bad habit: a tic that involved biting the inside of my cheeks. </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">I also developed a sweet tooth early in life.</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20px;"> And apart from early childhood (a period during which I am told I was not a big eater - perhaps the thumb blocked the way?), I never really knew when or why to stop eating: feeling full wasn't a notion I even considered. I never focused on the stomach. If it looked, smelled and tasted good, and I still felt like eating, I ate. It seems like my mouth enjoyed working overtime. </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">I even </span><b style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">talked</b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20px;"> too much. </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">If I hadn't been so terrified of the side effects, I would have been a prime candidate for smoking.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">Regular physical activity probably "saved" me from becoming overweight (apart from a short period after my second child was born), but I am scared to even think of the amount of sugar that has entered my body in those forty years of life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20px;">A few years ago, with no more than ten pounds "to lose" (BMI was already fine), but tired of my relationship with food, I decided to take the bull by the horns, met with a nutritionist, hired a personal trainer, and started journaling the entirety of my food intake, every single day, for a full year. What did I learn? </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20px;"><b>I learned that I need way less food than I thought I did</b>: portions shrank and shrank to the point where my plate looked like a toddler's, but interestingly, it did not make me hungry. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20px;"><b>I learned to incorporate more of the good stuff</b> (leafy greens, berries, seeds) and less of the not-so-good stuff (for me, dairy and sweets). </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20px;">But more importantly, I learned to listen to my body. <b>In fact, I learned to listen to specific parts of my body.</b> My mouth was always up for more food, especially the sweet type. Now I learned to listen to my abdomen and to my head instead. I realized that they had a lot to tell me if I paid attention. My stomach had a message I had been ignoring: "I'm full!" (It was surprising how fast my stomach became full, long before my mouth was even considering taking a break.) My head, too, had some unheard messages for me: "Please don't eat/drink this, it will hurt!"</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20px;"><b>As it turns out, some of my favorite foods were doing me the most harm</b>: Sugar. Dairy. Red wine. It was a sad discovery. It was also a thrilling discovery: by avoiding sugar, dairy and red wine, I felt much, much better, both in the belly and in the head. In the process, I shed a few pounds, and lowered my body fat percentage. I was full of energy, mental and physical.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20px;">I do not want to make this journey sound easier than it was: there were a lot of challenges, frustrations, and discouragement. <b>One of my realizations was that my relationship with sugar was closer to an addiction than I had ever been willing to admit</b>. And more often than not, my mouth tried to scream louder than both my stomach and head: "We're not done! I want more foooooooood!"</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20px;">But all in all, my main victory, and the secret to the success of this endeavor, was <b>mindfulness</b>. Slowly but surely, I became mindful of my relationship with food, how I felt about food, how I reacted to food. <b>I already knew that I ate some of my emotions (stress, boredom, fatigue)</b>. Now I noticed that I was often on automatic pilot when food I liked was on display (at parties, for example: I would just reach out and get it, even if I wasn't hungry). I noticed I reacted to ads about food (where else would a sudden, intense craving for a specific type of cake or ice cream come from? </span></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Once I saw an article about a <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/france/12060538/French-power-station-generates-electricity-from-cheese.html" target="_blank">power plant in France that uses cheese as fuel</a>, and that was enough to make me crave a piece of Camembert.) I noticed that I ate too fast. Reading <a href="https://absw.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/thichnhathanh-mindfuleating1.pdf" target="_blank">Thich Nhat Hanh</a>, I learned to eat slowly, mindfully (my trick: practice with grapefruit; it takes so long to prepare that you have no choice but to slow down and enjoy). I realized I don't even like S'Mores, so why do I always have a few when I go camping? And so on.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">My mindfulness toward food did not stop there. I started wondering: Whe</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">re does my food come from? Is it produced locally? Ethically? Is it fair trade? In season? Wholesome? Humane? Environmentally friendly? I was already <b>not</b> a big fan of juice boxes and steak, but this new perspective made me even more aware. </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">To paraphrase Socrates, I began to say "<b>The unexamined food is not worth eating</b>".</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">Mindfulness was the most important tool I used to conquer my relationship with food, and I had not invented the concept: </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/mindful-eating-may-help-with-weight-loss" target="_blank">it seems that mindfulness can indeed help you achieve your weight goals</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20.79px;"><b style="line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Mindfulness this Week</span></b></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #660000; line-height: 19.2px;"><b style="background-color: transparent; line-height: 20px;"><i><span style="color: #660000;"><br /></span></i></b></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #660000; line-height: 19.2px;"><b style="background-color: transparent; line-height: 20px;"><i><span style="color: #660000;">How is your relationship with food? Please share!</span></i></b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>HappinessSavouredHot (Julie Saint-Mleux)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10440062323314751611noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-566179322917568700.post-35717319591760385632016-03-19T21:26:00.001-03:002016-03-20T14:09:42.114-03:00Mindfulness - Comfort and joy<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wemnRaWVJgM/Vu3cHn2conI/AAAAAAAAC-A/cxgui5adatwF9aUic2ZCQTEwF5kkeGeow/s1600/prin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="424" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wemnRaWVJgM/Vu3cHn2conI/AAAAAAAAC-A/cxgui5adatwF9aUic2ZCQTEwF5kkeGeow/s640/prin.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Julie Saint-Mleux - Nova Scotia, March 2016</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I have been reflecting on the sources of comfort and joy in my life. Without comfort, life can be stressful and painful. Without joy, life can be bland and boring. Even the most privileged need comfort from life's vagaries and existential angst. Even the sickest and the poorest find ways to instill joy in their lives. Together, comfort and joy make happiness possible. Whether it takes the form of </span><a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2022133/Are-feeling-young-happy-old-happy-Generations-feel-pleasure-different-ways.html" style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;" target="_blank">pleasure and excitement (the youth's definition of happiness) or fulfillment and serenity (the old's definition of happiness)</a><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">, we all yearn for it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">When I paused to think about it, I realized that<b> few pleasurable activities are harmless</b>. In our use of happiness-promoting activities to cope with and enjoy life, how can we make sure that we do not harm ourselves or others? </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The following - and very popular - activities can all have </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">a negative impact on our health, relationships, wallet, or other live things:</span><br />
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Drugs - illicit and licit (alcohol, cigarettes, etc.): disqualified</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Food consumed for pleasure, especially if it's low in nutrients and<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 18.2px;">/or high in unhealthy ingredients such as sodium and sugar</span>: </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">disqualified</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Screen time</span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 18.2px;"><span style="line-height: 18.2px;">/e</span>lectronics:</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">disqualified</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Most of the media (magazines, TV): disqualified</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Shopping for the sake of shopping: disqualified</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Sunbathing - disqualified</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Long, hot showers - disqualified</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Crushes and sex for the wrong reasons: disqualified</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Workaholism</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 18.2px;">/overtraining: disqualified</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 18.2px;">Even traveling, which I love, is polluting: disqualified</span></li>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 18.2px;">I am not saying that those things, consumed in moderation, are all and always bad for you: an occasional glass of wine, piece of cake, movie, video game, purchase (especially if it's local and</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 18.2px;">/or fair trade), etc, will probably be harmless. The problem arises from the frequency at which we resort to our sources of comfort and joy: for many of us, many of those soon turn into a regular habit, or worse, an addiction... with the results we know too well. What are we to do? </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Can a healthy, balanced, moral and ethical person have fun in this life?</b> I gave it some thought and here is what I came up with. Harmless sources of comfort and joy:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Challenges</b> that are "just right" - e.g. training for and running a race</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Creative activities</b> - building</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 18.2px;">/</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">creating something (ideally out of recycled</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 18.2px;">/repurposed materials!) </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Discovery</b></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 18.2px;">/l</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">earning new things - makes you feel young and alive</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Healthy foods</b> that we love - if unhealthy foods are not the best option, perhaps we can redirect our enthusiasm toward healthy ones? I know I get pretty excited when I see that asparagus is in season. What are </span><b style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;">your</b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> healthy foods?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Meaningful activities</b> - sharing your time, your talents, your ideas</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Meditating</b> - self-explanatory</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Music</b> - listening, playing, singing, composing</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Nature</b> - that can take so many forms: hiking, camping, birdwatching, gardening, going to a farmer's market, listening to the rain, admiring a sunset, interacting with your pets</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Playing</b> - go back to the basics with water, snow, board games, cards, etc.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Physical activity</b> that you enjoy - exercising is great but not always fun; find something that you truly like to do</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Reading </b>- anything that you enjoy</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Socializing</b> - ideally with pleasant, interesting, like-minded people</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Snuggles </b>- with a loved one, a child, a pet. Giving or receiving a massage also works; it's all about the contact</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Spirituality</b> - to some this equates </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">faith</span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.2px;">/religion</span>,</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"> </span>but it does not have to. All you need is to be aware of something bigger than you, that transcends your five senses.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">To maximize the effect of those <a href="http://happinessdishbestsavouredhot.blogspot.ca/2012/08/simple-pleasures-and-then-some.html" target="_blank">pleasurable but simple activities</a>, you will have to m</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">ake yourself more receptive to pleasure. How do you do that? By retraining </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">yourself - children know how to enjoy life and get excited about things as simple as a caterpillar. When was the last time you got excited over a caterpillar? We may have lost that ability but we can find it again; here's how:</span><br />
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Be grateful - take time to fully recognize the positive in your life</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Deprive yourself - by allowing yourself the big sources of pleasure less often, you will appreciate them more </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Cultivate mindfulness - be in the moment, pay attention - notice the little joys. And if you are going to indulge in your "vice" (mine is anything chocolatey), put all your awareness into it</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It might take hard work, but I strongly believe that the comfort and joy you will get on that basis will be the purest and most fulfilling. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20.79px;"><b style="line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Mindfulness this Week</span></b></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #660000; line-height: 19.2px;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b><i>What are your sources of - harmless - comfort and joy?</i></b></span><br />
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HappinessSavouredHot (Julie Saint-Mleux)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10440062323314751611noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-566179322917568700.post-6216354105005549112016-03-13T23:30:00.000-03:002016-03-13T23:50:47.118-03:00Mindfulness - The calendar method<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-znrbognqtLc/VuYYbyZA6lI/AAAAAAAAC9w/B9YeNC52sTE729kLI_95MpM9keqI1t3eA/s1600/calende.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-znrbognqtLc/VuYYbyZA6lI/AAAAAAAAC9w/B9YeNC52sTE729kLI_95MpM9keqI1t3eA/s640/calende.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">DafneCholet, Flickr</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">When this min</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">dfulness project started, some 10 weeks ago, I didn't quite know where it would take me, but I knew I had to make it concrete. Mindfulness can be quite the abstract concept, but I wanted my quest to be anything but abstract. <b>Apart from the regular practice of meditation, I felt that I needed something tangible, some kind of "tool" to keep track of my progress in the field of mindfulness</b>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I was looking for something simple, effortless, <b>not</b> time-consuming. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I looked at my calendar - the traditional, paper version of it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And I began thinking of the things I would like to keep track of.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">There were mostly two: my physical state, and my mental state.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">So on January first, I began putting the "daily face" on my calendar. At the end of each day, I would draw a simple emoji: <b>A</b></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b> smiley face meant my mood had been mostly good, a neutral face meant my mood had been okay, and a frowning face meant my mood had been mostly negative </b>(e.g. significantly sad, agitated, or irritable).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">To account for my physical well or ill-being, I used a color code: <b>Green meant no physical discomfort, blue meant moderate physical discomfort </b>(e.g. soreness, headaches, digestive issues and the like)<b>, and red meant significant illness</b> - red would mean, for example, that I had to take a full day off. (Knock on wood, no such day yet, even if migraine has forced me to change some plans.) </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Out of curiosity, I also kept track of the days I did meditate, of whether or not I had exercised, and where I was in my menstrual cycle. O</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">n my "not so good days", I added some additional information such as the weather, any particular stressful events, and whether or not I had certain foods which I had been suspicious about.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I am still writing on my calendar daily. All in all, this new habit only takes up a few minutes every day, and that time is very well-invested: <b>A</b></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>fter one month, I was already making interesting discoveries. After two, I could see trends emerge. Now well into the third month, I can almost anticipate some of the patterns</b>. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Using the "calendar method" allowed me to discover (or to confirm) the factors that influence my physical and emotional well-being. It was great news in two very different ways:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Factors I have control over</b>: By knowing precisely what is good and not so good for my levels of well-being, I can tweak things, and trust that I will feel better. I am taking responsibility. This is empowering.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">(Depending on your profile and specific issues, examples might include the impact of exercise, water intake, meditation, sleep, screen time, social interactions, etc. on your well-being, as well as food-related sensitivities and other reactions to your environment. In all those cases, if you can do something about the causes, you might as well take the bull by the horns to ensure your optimal well-being.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Factors I have no control over</b>: By knowing that some external, uncontrollable factors also have an impact on my well-being, I am less taken by surprise, and in turn, less frustrated - I accept the situation with more serenity instead of fighting it (or worse, self-loathing). I cut myself some necessary slack. This comes with a new respect for some of my vulnerabilities.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">(Depending on your profile and specific issues, examples might include </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">weather-related flare-ups, </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">PMS and other hormonal symptoms, as well as feeling tense or down after a rough day. If you can do nothing about the causes, you might as well face the consequences with a zen attitude.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It has only been ten weeks, but it already qualifies as an eye-opening journey, and I cannot wait to make new discoveries!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20.79px;"><b style="line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Mindfulness this Week</span></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b><i>Have you noticed any trends by paying attention to your well-being and by focusing on the possible causes? What are you doing about it?</i></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b style="line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Be part of the process: </span></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>HappinessSavouredHot (Julie Saint-Mleux)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10440062323314751611noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-566179322917568700.post-20822752448679819472016-03-06T22:16:00.000-04:002016-03-07T07:50:17.351-04:00Mindfulness - Was William Shakespeare a Buddhist?<div style="min-height: 1em;">
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Eqtxam9APgQ/VtzgWPzO8dI/AAAAAAAAC9g/0SeZJu8iPH0/s1600/Shake.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Eqtxam9APgQ/VtzgWPzO8dI/AAAAAAAAC9g/0SeZJu8iPH0/s640/Shake.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Marilyn Roxie, Flickr</td></tr>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 2.8ex;">Guest post by </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 2.8ex;">Shawn McKim</span></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Mindfulness is a way of communicating.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 2.8ex;">I must </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 2.8ex;">come across as someone who either a) is mindful or b) is mindless. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 2.8ex;">Either </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 2.8ex;">way, it would do me good to think about thinking, and then write about it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">So here I am, thinking about thinking. Actually, Im procrastinating. But</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Im thinking about it. Does that count? <b>Can mindfulness be an exercise in</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>stream-of-consciousness? </b>Can it be a journal-style entry? Are there ever</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">any rules for writing about such a topic?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I thought about creating a character and revealing this character through</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">a monologue. The monologue would in turn reveal what the character was</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">thinking, since that is a monologue's primary function. But if you think</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">about it, it would really be about what <b>I</b> was thinking, since I created</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">the character and wrote every single word the character said/thought. This</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">had me thinking even deeper. Is Shakespeare all of his characters? Most of</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">them have monologues, which reveal their true intentions. Most of them</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">have deep thoughts that they would never admit to other characters. The</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">device becomes useful when the audience needs to know something about a</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">character that the playwright isnt ready to reveal through action.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Shakespeares characters thoughts are really only his in part. I say this</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">because his characters represent all kinds of realms of the human psyche.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">They represent greed, loneliness, jealousy, anger, love, passion, sanity,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">and insanity, among other things. Is Shakespeare all of those things? Of</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">course he is. But not at the same time. That would be confusing. Like all</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">of us, Shakespeare suffered from the human condition, so therefore he</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">wrote about the human condition. <b>And since this human condition is all</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>about feeling different things for different reasons; feeling confused;</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>feeling unbalanced... writing about it helps us make sense of it - both to</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>ourselves and to others.</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">So maybe thats why Im writing about this stuff. Im suffering from the</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">human condition. <b>I am everything and nothing at the same time.</b> I am trying </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 2.8ex;">to make sense of everything and nothing by writing about it. I choose the</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">topic of mindfulness because it is <b>bringing my thoughts to the forefront</b>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I am forced to deal with them straight on. There is no hiding whilst</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">writing. Naturally, my head turns to soliloquies, monologues, and</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">speeches. The literary way to express ones feelings and thoughts. And who</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">wrote some of the most famous soliloquies? Shakespeare.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Upon my initial research, I am finding that <b>most of Shakespeares famous</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>speeches involve the topic of mindfulness</b>. Sometimes it isn't obvious but</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">sometimes it is. For example, in Macbeth the title character finds out his</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">wife has committed suicide. In response, he says to himself:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>She should have died hereafter;</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>There would have been a time for such a word.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>To the last syllable of recorded time;</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>And all our yesterdays have lighted fools</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>That struts and frets his hour upon the stage</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>And then is heard no more. It is a tale</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>Signifying nothing.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Macbeth is thinking about life. But Shakespeare is thinking </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>about thinking </b></span><b style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 2.8ex;">about life.</b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 2.8ex;"> I try to remind myself that these characters are not real. </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 2.8ex;">They are creations by an author. A real person. A real, thinking, feeling,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">writing person, not unlike myself. Macbeth is just one of many extensions</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">of Shakespeares psyche. He has to be. Otherwise, where did these words</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">come from? In order for Macbeth to compare life to a walking shadow or a</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">frustrated actor, he would have to feel this way himself; at least</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">sometimes. Is Shakespeare always frustrated and concerned about life?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Perhaps not. Does he really feel like there is no use for anything? Maybe</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">sometimes. But not all the time, because Romeo was full of life and love</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">and hope:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>Having some business, do entreat her eyes</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>To twinkle in their spheres till they return.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>What if her eyes were there, they in her head?</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars,</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>As daylight doth a lamp. Her eyes in heaven</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>Would through the airy region stream so bright</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>That birds would sing and think it were not night.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>See how she leans her cheek upon her hand</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>O that I were a glove upon that hand,</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>That I might touch that cheek!</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Romeo barely knows this girl and yet he has fallen deeply in love. He is</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">comparing her eyes to the stars and is, for all intents and purposes, in</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">heaven just by looking at them.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Is this not Shakespeare as well? Remembering what it was like to fall in</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">love for the first time? How could he be both Macbeth and Romeo? They are</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">so conflicting in their worldviews. So conflicting in their attitudes.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Easy. Shakespeare, like all of us, is all kinds of things. <b>He is greedy,</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>lonely, jealous, angry, loving, passionate, sane, and insane.</b> Its his job</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">to write about these feelings for his audience is all of us, and <b>we are</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>all of these things as well.</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Mindfulness is a way of communicating. Perhaps not in the traditional</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">sense of speaking aloud to another person. Conveying a message is not</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">always that simple or empirical. It can be as complex and deep as a</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">character in a play, soliloquizing about anything, everything, and</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">nothing, all at the same time.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20.79px;"><b style="line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Mindfulness this Week</span></b></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 2.8ex;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="line-height: 19.2px;"><br /></span></span></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.2px;">If you would like to submit a piece on your mindfulness thoughts and processes, please address it to mleuxj at gmail dot com.</span></span><br />
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HappinessSavouredHot (Julie Saint-Mleux)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10440062323314751611noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-566179322917568700.post-2531775452920874162016-02-28T19:20:00.000-04:002016-02-28T19:20:08.663-04:00Mindfulness - Self-knowledge and compassion<div style="text-align: center;">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/--pYOdjWYRyA/VtN8mmmhBiI/AAAAAAAAC9Q/J1rg12qYcGo/s1600/cat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="436" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/--pYOdjWYRyA/VtN8mmmhBiI/AAAAAAAAC9Q/J1rg12qYcGo/s640/cat.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Muffet, Flickr</td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 21px;">“<i>The most fundamental aggression to ourselves, the most fundamental harm</i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"><i> we can do to ourselves, is to remain ignorant by not having the courage </i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"><i>and the respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently.</i>” </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 21px;">― </span><a class="authorOrTitle" href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/8052.Pema_Ch_dr_n" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-weight: bold; line-height: 21px; text-decoration: none;">Pema Chödrön</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 21px;">, </span><span id="quote_book_link_687278" style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 21px;"><a class="authorOrTitle" href="http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/2464740" style="color: #333333; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none;">When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">One of my main findings, after two months of practicing mindfulness meticulously, is that I have been, in my life, ignoring (or downplaying) some very real aspects of who I am. By paying attention to my internal state (and the concomitant external circumstances), I am realizing that I still have much to learn and implement when it comes to respecting myself.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Throughout our lives, <b>expectations are put upon us, and we internalize many of those expectations</b> : this is how I should behave, what I should look like, the choices I should make, how productive I should be, etc. We internalize all of it so well that in some cases, we are not even aware that it is not "the real us".</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Unfortunately, choosing to ignore (or doing so unconsciously) our true nature, our specific needs and our unique limits can only backfire. Simply think of an introvert who would force himself into more social gatherings than he can handle, or an extrovert who would fail to fulfill her social interaction needs, and you get the idea: both would feel miserable. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Chronic limitations</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Identifying our limits can lead to either one of the following: 1) it can lead us to renounce our goals altogether, or 2) it can lead us to set goals that are more realistic.</b> Personally, I opt for the latter. For example, I have never let my - moderate - asthma get in the way of being active, and I even became a long-distance runner. But I have had to remain attentive to the limits that my asthma imposes, respect my own pace, and accept that no level of training will make me a super fast runner (my half-marathon PB is around the two-hour mark, while most of the same-age friends whom I trained with run it at least a couple minutes faster). </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">If you have the same, or any other, physical or mental affliction, it is sometimes easier to deny it - after all, who wants to admit that they have health limitations, and that those health limitations get in the way of their aspirations, or even a "normal life"? The fact is, <b>whether you acknowledge them or not, your limitations exist</b>. They do not disappear through magical thinking. Another personal example: I have learned the hard way (despite all my initial resistance) that I have to address the first symptoms of a migraine vigorously, lest it turns much, much worse. Believe me, I do not enjoy cancelling plans or taking medication, but sometimes, it is a necessity.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Noticing and acknowledging our limits is not to be used as a pretext for giving up.</b> </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I am all for pushing one's limits, and excessive self-indulgence definitely qualifies as one of my pet peeves. I know that in order to accomplish things and reach goals, hard work and discomfort is necessary. I am also all too aware that living </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">and<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2px;">/</span>or work</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">ing with others requires compromise and good will - anything one person decides not to do ends up on somebody else's plate one way or another. However, I am becoming increasingly aware that ignoring one's limits often turns counterproductive.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Always pragmatic, I try and turn my self-awareness into a call to action to myself. Instead of sitting on my bum, I like to take matters in my own hands. For example, I have noticed that <b>I can keep a lot of physical and emotional pain at bay by exercising regularly</b>. I don't always feel like it, but time and experience has shown that it's worth it. I have also noticed that I waste my precious energy by trying to remain focused for a long time: with my short attention span, <b>breaking down any task into smaller bits really is the way to go</b>, whether I like it or not. The nice thing about it is that when I respect that particular pace and style of mine, I actually accomplish a lot. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Temporary limitations</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Sometimes, a given limitation is temporary. One of the best decisions I made when my father passed away, for example, was to allow myself to feel the pain, and to allow myself as much time as I needed to grieve. I did not give up my life and activities, but I cut myself some much needed slack, instead of insisting on "business as usual".</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">By knowing ourselves and our limitations better, by respecting our personal pace and style, we get rid of much frustration and guilt, and we end up getting <b>more</b> done, not less.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Get more done, feel better: it all starts with self-knowledge and compassion.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">For more on knowing oneself:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://happinessdishbestsavouredhot.blogspot.ca/2012/02/know-thyself.html" target="_blank">Know Thyself</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://happinessdishbestsavouredhot.blogspot.ca/2013/08/who-am-i.html" target="_blank">Who am I</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20.79px;"><b style="line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Mindfulness this Week</span></b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="line-height: 19.2px;">I will be in sync with my optimal mode of functioning and any particular needs or limitations I may have. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="line-height: 20.79px;">Tell us what you come up with.</span></span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20.79px;"></span></span><br />
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HappinessSavouredHot (Julie Saint-Mleux)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10440062323314751611noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-566179322917568700.post-47253915924974884162016-02-21T21:41:00.000-04:002016-02-21T22:09:21.948-04:00Mindfulness - Making good habits<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0brI9T9PN4g/Vsph-64wg1I/AAAAAAAAC88/FKBwyBC1QDE/s1600/calendrier.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0brI9T9PN4g/Vsph-64wg1I/AAAAAAAAC88/FKBwyBC1QDE/s640/calendrier.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dafne Cholet, Flickr</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.happinessdishbestsavouredhot.blogspot.ca/2016/02/mindfulness-getting-rid-of-bad-habits.html" target="_blank">Getting rid of bad habits</a> is important, but making new ones is just as critical. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">First, because <b>you can't simply let go of a bad habit without replacing it with another, better one</b>: facing the void is too hard, especially when the reason the bad habit exists in the first place is to cover some deep dissatisfaction. Personal anecdote: A dietitian I once consulted for advice on how to stop eating my emotions (I would go for sweets whenever I felt tired, stressed or bored) recommended that I find another pleasant activity to engage in, ideally an activity that would prevent me from eating sweets, such as going for a brisk walk, talking to a friend, or taking a bubble bath. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Second, because good habits are the number one step toward structuring our life in a way that enables us to live according to our values, and reach our goals. Forget about your bad habits: <b>the only way you will build a life that makes you feel good about yourself is by adopting good habits</b>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The thing is, implementing (and maintaining) good habits is hard. That's because it takes</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> us out of our comfort zone... but I think it is also because we look at them from the wrong angle: we see good habits as things we "should" do... if only we were a "good" person. I have a different take on them: <b>good habits are the things that ultimately make you feel good, physically and mentally</b>. Therefore, good habits are a gift we give ourselves. NOT some sort of painful coercion.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Of course, going from theory to practice takes some time - and a lot of mindfulness. We need to reconnect with how we really feel. We - erroneously - tend to think that our <i>bad</i> habits are what makes us feel good: after all, spending, eating, drinking and the like tend to give us a "high" which we tend to confuse with actual happiness. Paying attention and being honest with ourselves is the only way to rediscover the true source of well-being. (No, bingeing on beer or chocolate cake is NOT it.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">We also need to take baby steps. It will be difficult, but the beautiful thing about good habits is that they generalize to other good habits: for example, my first yoga instructor used to say that when she started meditating, she automatically started eating healthier, even if she had not consciously planned to. I believe this is true for many good habits. (<a href="http://www.thestar.com/life/health_wellness/nutrition/2016/01/14/running-to-quit-smoking.html" target="_blank">Smokers who start running have an easier time letting go of smoking.</a>) I personally still tend to gravitate toward sweets when I am tired or dehydrated... so I make sure to sleep enough and to drink water throughout the day - those two good habits help me resist a bad one.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Which takes us to some of the good habits you might want to start forming. (I recommend starting with one, and only adding additional good habits one at a time, when the previous one is more or less "mastered".)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>You could make it a habit to</b>:</span><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Go to bed earlier</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Wake up half an hour earlier in order to squeeze in some exercise or some meditation (both wonderful ways to start a day, they energize AND make you peaceful at the same time)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Eat a tall glass of water as soon as you get up, and carry a water bottle with you all day</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Include actual fruit with each breakfast (better than juice)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Carry a healthy snack with you for sudden cravings</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Make sure both lunch and supper include a big portion of vegetables</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Walk or bike whenever possible (as opposed to taking the car)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Do simple body weight exercises and stretches while you watch TV (if you watch TV)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Do a quiet activity before bedtime, such as reading a book, writing a gratitude journal, or taking a bath</span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Whether I "feel like it" or not, I know for a fact that whenever I include those good habits in my daily life, I feel much better. Even if the rest of the day doesn't go quite according to plan, I know that I did at least a few things right, and I feel more motivated to make other right choices.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>What new habit do you feel like making?</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20.79px;"><b style="line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Mindfulness this Week</span></b><br style="line-height: 20.79px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.79px;"><b><br /></b></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.2px;">I will look at my daily schedule and see if I can tweak a few things in order to include more of the "right choices". I will NOT focus on my bad choices. I will trust that by implementing good habits, the bad ones will slowly fade away.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="line-height: 20.79px;">Tell us what you come up with.</span></span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20.79px;"></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br style="line-height: 20.79px;" /><b style="line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Be part of the process: </span></b><br /><span style="line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="line-height: 20.79px;"><br /></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>HappinessSavouredHot (Julie Saint-Mleux)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10440062323314751611noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-566179322917568700.post-88745341974571009462016-02-14T20:41:00.001-04:002016-02-14T23:07:46.584-04:00Mindfulness - Love thyself<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-YzRyXFSKeW8/VsEU_O81-II/AAAAAAAAC8s/LeY8R7Xnz5c/s1600/love.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="358" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-YzRyXFSKeW8/VsEU_O81-II/AAAAAAAAC8s/LeY8R7Xnz5c/s640/love.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">gags9999, Flickr</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Following last week's post on <a href="http://www.happinessdishbestsavouredhot.blogspot.ca/2016/02/mindfulness-getting-rid-of-bad-habits.html" target="_blank"><b>getting rid of bad habits</b></a>, I was planning to write about <b>making good habits</b>, but inspiration came to me in the form of Cupid. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Valentine' Day is the celebration of love, with all kinds of consumerist and non-consumerist exhortations to treat others and show them our affection... but <b>how often do we take the time to celebrate our love for ourselves</b>?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">This has nothing to do with narcissism or megalomania, but rather with a healthy approach of our self-worth.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It has nothing to do with lowering our self-expectations to the point of settling for mediocrity, but rather with knowing our limits and setting realistic goals accordingly.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">As parents in particular, we often put our needs - and our wants - aside in order to attend to those of our children. Those who care for an aging parent or other vulnerable family members might also tend to put their own needs on the ice.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Many of us are also demanding and hard on ourselves, leaving little room for self-kindness: the flaws we would easily tolerate (or even find endearing) in others become intolerable in ourselves.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>How about being kind to ourselves, for a change? </b>Here are some ways we can apply kindness to ourselves:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Self-respect</b>: I will avoid negative talk. It is so insidious than we often don't even notice that we're doing it - but it happens a lot: in front of a mirror, after an awkward interaction with someone, in the middle of a difficult task. I will pay attention to my internal dialog. If I catch myself in the act of self-deprecation (which is akin to insulting oneself), I will stop and replace the statement with a positive one, or at least an accurate one. Examples: </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I am not ugly - I have beautiful (fill in the blank: eyes, </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">or hair, or feet, or muscles, or soul, intellect... whatever you like about yourself)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I am not lazy - I have a limited supply of energy, and I know when to rest.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I am not stupid - I don't know everything, and I sometimes make mistakes, that is all.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Which leads us to...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Self-compassion</b>: I will have sympathetic concern for my own struggles, instead of self-loathing. Like anybody else, I have physical, mental and emotional limits. Why do I try to function like I'm some kind of Super Woman or Energizer bunny? I cannot go, go, go. I need breaks, I need time to rest, to reflect or to pull myself together. I need to progress at a reasonable pace. I need to admit that in some instances, I might even - imagine that - need help.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Self-care</b>: I will take care of myself like I would for anybody else who's under my care: I will attend to my needs and listen to myself.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Self-love</b>: I will recognize that even if I strive for growth and improvement, try and do my best, and always will... </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>I am already enough</b>. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.2px;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20.79px;"><b style="line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Mindfulness this Week</span></b><br style="line-height: 20.79px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.79px;"><b><br /></b></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b><i>Let's focus on one very simple question this week: Am I being kind to myself?</i></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br style="line-height: 20.79px;" /><b style="line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Be part of the process: </span></b><br /><span style="line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="line-height: 20.79px;"><br /></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Submit your comments below</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>HappinessSavouredHot (Julie Saint-Mleux)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10440062323314751611noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-566179322917568700.post-55303987945844237182016-02-07T13:44:00.000-04:002016-02-09T09:07:19.006-04:00Mindfulness - Getting rid of bad habits<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kYdt2okY9bc/VrdN0YOBQiI/AAAAAAAAC8c/fzcySzOd6hQ/s1600/cartes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kYdt2okY9bc/VrdN0YOBQiI/AAAAAAAAC8c/fzcySzOd6hQ/s640/cartes.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: #fefefe; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">Schnappischnap, Flickr</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Bad habits. We form them, we maintain them, we curse them. They make our life miserable yet we fail at getting rid of them.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Very few of us could claim to have complete control over what they put in their mouth or what they do with their time, energy and money.</b> Outside, stronger-than-us forces seem to be at play. This is not without consequences for our health, well-being and overall enjoyment of life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">There is a whole market based on helping people get rid of their bad habits. Or, more aptly put, there is a whole market based on </span><b style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">making money</b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> out of people's dissatisfaction with their bad habits. Most of us are desperately looking for a way to get our life back on track, and most of us are willing to open our wallet in the process, whether we purchase goods or services that offer the promise of a better life. Nutritional supplements, kitchen equipment, storage systems, various accessories, training equipment, programs... they seem to hold the way to our individual holy grail, so we succumb and, over a lifetime, pour hundreds or thousands of dollars into them. <b>Look around yourself and at your credit card statement... most likely you will see things that you purchased in the hope of a better life. Has it worked?</b> Have you lost the weight? Have you reached your goal, whatever it is?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">There is also a whole market based on making money out of creating and maintaining bad habits - ask any cigarette or junk food manufacturer, or any casino or shopping mall owner. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">But if dishing out money isn't the solution to getting rid of bad habits, what is? To find an answer to that, we must first identify our most common mistake.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>When tackling our bad habits, we tend to focus on the future</b>: in the future I will get rid of this habit. Beginning tomorrow, or January first, or when I turn forty, I will (fill in the blank):</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">eat healthy</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">exercise daily</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">stop smoking</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">stop drinking</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">consume less caffeine</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">go to bed earlier</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">only buy what I need</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">save money/get out of debt</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">get rid of a tic (e.g. biting nails)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">control my temper</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">invest in good relationships</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">get organized </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">stop procrastinating</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">get started on that book I want to write</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">meditate daily</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">ditch video games</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">spend less time on social media</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">After trying to implement change, and seeing that it failed, as it unfortunately most often does, we move to the next step: we try again. It usually fails again. A quick look at the statistics for smoking cessation or weight loss and maintenance will illustrate that clearly. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Trying and trying</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 19.2px;"> might (if we're lucky) take us closer to our goal, it still doesn't tackle the root of the problem, which is: </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.2px;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Why did we make that bad habit in the first place? </b></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.2px;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">There is always a reason. Our bad habits don't fall from the sky randomly - they serve a purpose. As long as the purpose is there, our bad habits will thrive. At best we will replace a bad habit with another. <b>But we cannot hope to free ourselves from bad habits as long as we don't stop and think about their origins.</b></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.2px;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="line-height: 20.79px;">Before we even look at HOW we can change our life, we need to ask ourselves </span></span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.2px;">WHY we are not living the life we want to live, WHY we are not reaching our goals, WHY we keep self-sabotaging.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.2px;">Before we look at the future, we must first determine what, in our past, contributed to the formation of the bad habit, and what, in our present, helps crystallize it, day after day:</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.2px;"><b>What happened in my past that led me to adopt this habit? </b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.2px;"><b>What happens on a daily basis right before I engage in the behavior?</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20.79px;"><b style="line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Mindfulness this Week</span></b><br style="line-height: 20.79px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.79px;"><b><br /></b></span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 19.2px;">When I find myself engaging (or about to engage) in a habit I am trying to get rid of, I will ask myself what preceded it:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>What happened right before I engaged in the bad habit? What was going on? How was I feeling?</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Is this a common pattern for me?</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">What, in my past, might be the source of this pattern?</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="line-height: 20.79px;">Tell us what you come up with.</span></span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20.79px;"></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br style="line-height: 20.79px;" /><b style="line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Be part of the process: </span></b><br /><span style="line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="line-height: 20.79px;"><br /></span></span></span></span><br />
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HappinessSavouredHot (Julie Saint-Mleux)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10440062323314751611noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-566179322917568700.post-42585114873985677082016-01-31T15:36:00.005-04:002016-01-31T15:36:35.523-04:00Mindfulness - Meditation<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5L-sPizLg0s/Vq5exWQ2CrI/AAAAAAAAC8M/JMiSMWQMEyY/s1600/Medit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="390" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5L-sPizLg0s/Vq5exWQ2CrI/AAAAAAAAC8M/JMiSMWQMEyY/s640/Medit.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Moyan Brenn, Flickr</td></tr>
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<span style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; max-width: 814px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; max-width: 814px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">"In practicing meditation, we're not trying to live up </span></div>
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<span style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; max-width: 814px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">to some kind of ideal - quite the opposite. </span></div>
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<span style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; max-width: 814px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">We're just being with our experience, whatever it is."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">(Pema Chodron)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Practicing mindfulness, welcoming awareness, slowing down, finding stillness... all prepare you for the practice of meditation.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Imagine a simple, free habit that brings about </b></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>clarity, focus, lowered levels of stress, <a href="http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/meditation-heals-body-and-mind" target="_blank">and an improved physical health</a></b> - those are all proven benefits of meditation. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Meditation is only one letter away from medication and in some cases, it has at least as much power, minus the side effects.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Meditation is a tool </b>that makes it possible, or at least easier, to be in the moment, centered, grounded, which in turn helps you feel and tackle life with more lucidity and serenity. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Meditation is almost magical in that it allows you to experience a rare luxury, the pause between two thoughts (usually referred to as "the gap"). For most of us with minds working overtime, this constitutes a welcome break.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">All that with the bonus of the occasional "epiphany" or blissful moment.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>More importantly, meditation is accessible to all.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Contrary to <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/dec/29/keeping-new-years-resolutions-manageable?CMP=fb_gu" target="_blank">what Madeleine Somerville thinks</a>, meditation is not akin to "sleeping upright". In the beginning, especially, meditating can actually feel like a lot of work. Sitting still, allowing sensations to arise and welcoming them without any judgement, letting your thoughts drift instead of holding on to them, isn't something we are used to do. It's uncomfortable.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>The body resists:</b> you feel tense, restless, itchy. You readjust your position many times.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>The mind resists:</b> no matter how much you try to just "let them drift away", your thoughts come back circling over your head, insistent, discursive. You might also feel drowsy, which can be another way for your mind to resist the peaceful alertness of meditation.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>It takes time.</b> Getting the most out of meditation is similar to getting the most out of a healthy diet or an active lifestyle: it requires dedication and consistency. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Eventually, the discomfort diminishes and makes way for the wonderful benefits of meditation. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The daily recommendation for beginners is to meditate for twenty minutes. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You might dislike the idea that "nothing gets done" during those twenty minutes or so. But I think that a lot gets done during the time spent in stillness. I even like to say that</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> <b>everything</b> gets done during meditation, since it sets the tone for the rest of your day.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Will you try it?</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Mindfulness this Week</span></b><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 20.79px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 20.79px;"><b><br /></b></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 20.79px;">This week, you could sit for a few minutes every day, close your eyes, and see what happens.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 20.79px;">For more on meditation, <a href="http://happinessdishbestsavouredhot.blogspot.ca/2014/06/what-meditation-has-taught-me-or.html" target="_blank">click here</a>. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br style="line-height: 20.79px;" /><b style="line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Be part of the process: </span></b><br /><span style="line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="line-height: 20.79px;"><br /></span><span style="line-height: 20.79px;">Submit your comments below</span></span></span><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 20.79px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
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HappinessSavouredHot (Julie Saint-Mleux)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10440062323314751611noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-566179322917568700.post-15767394919430357252016-01-24T13:35:00.000-04:002016-01-31T12:13:20.033-04:00Mindfulness - Stillness<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VzIZe6o5Vx0/VqUF3sU8kcI/AAAAAAAAC78/9O1VO4E8zkw/s1600/still.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VzIZe6o5Vx0/VqUF3sU8kcI/AAAAAAAAC78/9O1VO4E8zkw/s640/still.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/h-k-d/" style="background-color: #fefefe; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;">h.koppdelaney</a>, Flickr</span></td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;"><b>"<i>If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, </i></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;"><b><i>live in the moment, </i></b></span><b style="color: #333333; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;"><i>live in the breath</i>." </b></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;"><b>(Amit Ray)</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20.79px;">Did you slow something down this week? I hope you were able to give yourself the gift of a more reasonable pace. As we slow down our movements, the hamster wheel in our head also tends to slow down. That allows a growing awareness to come to the surface, which in turn helps us make better decisions: </span></span></div>
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<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;"><b>We finish one thing before moving on to the next</b> (in our actions but also in thought), which brings about better results and lower stress levels</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;"><b>We feel a simple need before it becomes overwhelming, and fulfill it right away</b>: thirst, hunger, fatigue, and even the need to use the washroom</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;"><b>We notice that we are feeling tense, uneasy</b>, and that it translates into our mood (irritable), body posture (furrowed eyebrows, clenched jaws or fists, raised shoulders), and breath (shallow and fast) - we regain power over those manifestations of stress, the next step being the recognition and tackling of what caused that stress (A thought? An event? The presence of a person?)</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;"><b>We realize that we need a break before things get worse</b>: we go to bed earlier instead of carrying exhaustion from one day to the next; we apply ice to an injury before inflammation sets in; we tackle a budding migraine immediately; we allow ourselves a moment to reflect on a stressful situation</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;"><b>We avoid conflict by being present to the real issues at play</b> instead of reacting impulsively and "taking things personal": we know it's not always "about us", but rather about an unfulfilled need or a discomfort that belongs to our interlocutor - seeing things from that angle helps us keep our calm</span></li>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;">The magic thing about slowing down is that it eventually leads to the ability to experience stillness. That stillness itself doesn't have to last very long. What matters more than its duration is the quality of that stillness. Here are some examples:</span><br />
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<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;"><b>We can pause during a conversation</b> and really listen to what others are saying instead of planning our next response</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;"><b>We can pause during a meal</b> and really savour what we're eating</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;"><b>We can pause when interacting with nature</b> and appreciate its beauty - it can be as simple as the song of a bird as you step outside, the colors in the sky, the smell of a flower, or even a ray of light coming into the house - nature is right outside the window but we often ignore it</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;"><b>We can pause while music plays</b>, and give it our full attention</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;"><b>We can pause during a hug</b> and feel our "heart melt"</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20.79px;"><b>We can pause during a stretch</b> to feel how good it is for our muscles</span></span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;"><b>We can simply pause for a few deep breaths</b></span></li>
</ol>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;">Even a short pause, if it is made of true stillness, is often enough to "reset" our mind and body. Will you try it this week?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;"><br /></span>
<br />
<b style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Mindfulness this Week</span></b><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;"><b><br /></b></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;">This week, find moments to take a real pause and be still, even if it was only for a minute or two. If you give yourself that gift, I am certain that you will feel the difference. Then share about your discoveries!</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 20.79px;" /></span>
<b style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Be part of the process: </span></b><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="line-height: 20.79px;"><br /></span><span style="line-height: 20.79px;">Submit your comments below</span></span><br />
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HappinessSavouredHot (Julie Saint-Mleux)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10440062323314751611noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-566179322917568700.post-55638352033302979622016-01-17T10:20:00.000-04:002016-01-31T12:13:58.122-04:00Mindfulness - Slow Down<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KLY51bQYKEs/VpuhmwTCgkI/AAAAAAAAC7s/PsFoCc4Inoc/s1600/slow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="272" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KLY51bQYKEs/VpuhmwTCgkI/AAAAAAAAC7s/PsFoCc4Inoc/s640/slow.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">smlp, Flickr</td></tr>
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<span class="bqquotelink"><i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><b>"<a href="http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/v/viggomorte535626.html?src=t_slow" style="box-sizing: border-box;" title="view quote"><span style="color: windowtext;">One
of the best pieces of advice I ever got was from a horse master. He told me to
go slow to go fast. I think that applies to everything in life. We live as
though there aren't enough hours in the day but if we do each thing calmly and
carefully we will get it done quicker and with much less stress.</span></a>" </b></span></i></span><br />
<b><span class="bqquotelink"><i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">(</span></i></span><i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;"><a href="http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/v/viggo_mortensen.html" style="box-sizing: border-box;" title="view author"><span style="color: windowtext;">Viggo
Mortensen</span></a>)</span></i></b><o:p></o:p></div>
<span style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 20px;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">We have been paying more attention to our lives, and noticing our internal state as well as the external circumstances, whenever possible. We have made interesting discoveries (go back to the <a href="http://happinessdishbestsavouredhot.blogspot.ca/2016/01/mindfulness-first-impressions.html" target="_blank">previous posts</a> for some examples, both in the text and in the comments). </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Despite those efforts to apply a mindful attitude to our daily life, I am willing to bet that in most circumstances, most of us are still operating on auto-pilot. We are oblivious to many of our own feelings and sensations. We react more than we act, based on past experiences, habitual patterns, and assumptions about what constitutes the right way to live our life. If we stay on this path, no significant progress can be made. We will continue to feel tense, frustrated, inadequate, guilty.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Time to deepen our awareness.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">But why "waste our time on awareness", some will think, when there are more urgent matters to take care of? Our lives are unsatisfactory (and, for many, rather hectic). We don't want to use our precious time for reflection. We</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> want results. It's understandable.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The truth is, <b>no real awareness, and thus no true change, is possible without first slowing down.</b> </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It's hard to see clearly when your mind and body are rushing. A while ago, I had this conversation with D: </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Me: I feel like I'm running all the time, without making any progress</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">D: You must be running in the wrong direction</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Those sage words left me pensive. Running in the wrong direction sounds like a deplorable waste of time and energy, doesn't it? I have a feeling it is precisely what most of us are doing. <b>But how can we really tell unless we first slow down?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I will admit that s</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">lowing down is hard, especially in a society like ours. Being busy and/or rushed is worn like a badge of honor. <b>Don't we feel somewhat suspicious of people who don't have much to do?</b> Don't we look down on them? Even if it was out of envy?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Add to that the speed technology has gotten us used to (the speed at which images change on TV and in movies, the speed at which we access information and each other), and it's no wonder our minds and bodies feel so frantic. I have stopped counting the number of friends and family members who have told me that "yoga is too slow" for them, let alone meditation. I don't think it's an idiosyncrasy; I think it's a reflection of our society's hasty pace. It takes time to get used to go slow.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">"<b>But I don't have time to slow down</b>", many will say. I get that. Believe me, I do. I work full-time on top of trying to kick start my freelance writing business and training for races; I have two kids, three pets, a house and a big yard. If you asked me how often I feel on top of things, I would reply without hesitation: "never". But I have also noticed that <b>rushing made no significant difference</b>. Worse, it sometimes creates additional problems.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Driving fast, for example, will save you one or two minutes at best, but will raise your stress level and put you more at risk for accidents. The same applies to most daily activities: eating fast, talking fast, brushing your teeth fast... it doesn't really give you more time, but more importantly, it's stressful for your mind and body. What happens when you rush all day? Eventually, you collapse. You collapse on your couch each night, bag of chips in hand, and mindlessly surf the channels until bed time. You collapse mentally and can't focus at work or can't handle daily stresses (e.g. your kids drive you crazy). A burnout is around the corner. You collapse physically and get ill. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Here's my long-distance runner piece of advice: <b>pace</b></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b> yourself so you can last</b>. </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">When you slow down, you don't accomplish less. In fact, you may very well accomplish more; by doing things at a realistic pace and paying attention to what's going on, you don't get to the exhausted state (mentally, physically), which in turn means that you don't need to "compensate" with your usual addictions, whatever they are (eating, drinking, smoking, shopping, gaming, etc.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">In addition, <b>most things benefit from being done slower</b>:</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">eat slower, drink slower (so you know when you're full)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">talk slower (so you have time to think it over; also, listen more)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">read slower (so that ideas make their way to your mind)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">walk slower (so you notice the beauty around you)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">make love slower (so you enjoy it better)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">etc.</span></li>
</ul>
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<br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">If speed was what matters the most, we wouldn't take the time to sip on coffee. We would pop a caffeine pill and go on with our day. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>How does this apply to other aspects of your life?</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<b style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14.85px; line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;">Mindfulness this Week</span></b><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 14.85px; line-height: 20.79px;"><b><br /></b></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">This week, do something slower. It doesn't matter what it is. Pick something and systematically do it slower, with more awareness. Tell us how it felt!</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14.85px; line-height: 20.79px;" />
<b style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14.85px; line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;">Be part of the process: </span></b><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="line-height: 20.79px;"><br /></span><span style="line-height: 20.79px;">Submit your comments below</span></span><br />
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HappinessSavouredHot (Julie Saint-Mleux)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10440062323314751611noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-566179322917568700.post-21395245897746137902016-01-11T07:25:00.003-04:002016-01-31T12:15:04.714-04:00Mindfulness - First Impressions<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gIx66ATeOUE/VpL7GcrtnZI/AAAAAAAAC3w/DRqo6hhzaAk/s1600/step.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gIx66ATeOUE/VpL7GcrtnZI/AAAAAAAAC3w/DRqo6hhzaAk/s640/step.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Tim Green, Flickr</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"><b style="background-color: transparent;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 21px;">“<i>Feelings, whether of compassion or irritation, should be welcomed, recognized, and treated on an absolutely equal basis; because both are ourselves. The tangerine I am eating is me. The mustard greens I am planting are me. I plant with all my heart and mind. I clean this teapot with the kind of attention I would have were I giving the baby Buddha or Jesus a bath. Nothing should be treated more carefully than anything else. In mindfulness, compassion, irritation, mustard green plant, and teapot are all sacred.</i>” </span></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 21px;">(</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Thích Nhất Hạnh</span>)</b></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Mindfulness is like a dimmer light: as soon as you turn it on, even if it's at the minimal setting, you begin to see more clearly. <b>Examples of the realizations one may come to once the mindfulness light is turned on include</b>:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Taking note of your own bad posture at work, which might explain the mysterious chronic pain you've been struggling with.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Noticing that you are eating not out of hunger, but out of an unpleasant feeling, such as tiredness, sadness or boredom.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Acknowledging that you might be more stressed than you thought, and that it has an impact on your sleep, your mood, your habits.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Realizing that someone in your life is the source of a significant amount of stress, as their mere presence (in person or on the phone) seems to drain your most precious energy.*</span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">(*All of the above are actual examples that were spontaneously shared with me by readers, family or friends this last week - for more examples, <a href="http://happinessdishbestsavouredhot.blogspot.ca/2016/01/mindfulness-why.html" target="_blank">see last week's comments</a>.)</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">As you may have noticed, some of the realizations brought about by mindfulness are not joyful. They are nonetheless very real. For that reason, mindfulness can be rather disquieting at first, which contributes to making it hard to achieve and implement in one's life. Noticing that you've been sweeping things under the rug, accepting to take a hard look at them, can be (and will likely be) unsettling and confusing. This is why you will want to turn on the dimmer light <i>gradually</i>. <b>Allow yourself to get used to the discomfort.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The practice of mindfulness is like the practice of fitness training: You s</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">tart where you are, and you progress at your own pace. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>How to tell if you are doing too much, too soon?</b> The line lies between discomfort and pain. You can expect your budding mindfulness to make you feel uneasy; that is acceptable, and generally a good sign. </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Discomfort is normal, and even necessary. You have to ''feel the stretch''.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">However, if your newly acquired awareness feels absolutely overwhelming and becomes unbearable, it means that you need to slow down. </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">You would never push an exercise through excruciating pain. If such is the case, a break is called for. Getting help, possibly</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> professional help, is recommended. Think of this within the fitness training analogy: You would not tackle a new training program without first making sure it is safe </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">for you, and without adequate support. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Start where you are, and respect your own pace.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Mindfulness this Week</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Noticing the sources of frustration, stress and pain in our lives is crucial. Noticing the sources of well-being is just as important. This week, we will make sure that our awareness also applies to the good, the pleasant, the serene. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Mindfulness will bring positive realizations to the surface, such as the fact that certain people, activities, foods or musics provide you with great joy. <b>What are your ''I'm feeling really good right now'' moments?</b></span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Be part of the process: </span></b><br />
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HappinessSavouredHot (Julie Saint-Mleux)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10440062323314751611noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-566179322917568700.post-18138947537714155862016-01-04T07:39:00.000-04:002016-01-31T12:15:31.138-04:00Mindfulness - Why?<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-w75w02lh06Q/Vom1Dll3VbI/AAAAAAAAC3Y/HX2NyMV8aLI/s1600/why.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="428" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-w75w02lh06Q/Vom1Dll3VbI/AAAAAAAAC3Y/HX2NyMV8aLI/s640/why.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">BuzzFarmers, Flickr</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>''<i>From a mindfulness point of view, </i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b><i>we all have attention deficit disorder.</i>'' </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>(Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche)</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Year after year, it's the same. We end the year reveling in excesses, we start the year making resolutions. Resolutions that, most often than not, will be reduced to distant memories just weeks into the new year - just look at how jam packed gyms become in January... only to quiet down by February. Even those of us who don't explicitly formulate resolutions could easily identify areas of their life where an improvement is called for, but fails to materialize.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">This leaves us with two questions:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>1) Why do so many of us feel the need to make resolutions?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">(Why do so many of us hope and plan to improve their lives?)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>2) Why do so many of us fail at keeping those resolutions?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">(Why do so many of us fall short of implementing change?)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>The reason we make resolutions is simple</b>: Our life is not up to our expectations. We don't reach our goals. (Sometimes, we don't even know what our goals are.) We feel like we should have control over our existence, yet we keep steering it in the wrong direction, by making the wrong choices - big and small. We don't feel good about ourselves, or not often enough. Something is off. We want change. We want improvement.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>The reason resolutions fail is more perplexing</b>. We really do want to lose weight, stop smoking, spend less time in front of a screen and more time with our loved ones. We really do want to live a purposeful, fulfilling life in line with our values. We are full of great intentions.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>The problem is one of mindfulness</b>: we try to implement change but we fail to inspect our life genuinely to determine what, precisely, is at the bottom of our dissatisfactions and bad habits. Why exactly do we feel crummy? Why do we compensate with food, alcohol, shopping, or video games? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">This is where mindfulness comes into play. Mindfulness holds the key to a satisfying life that truly resembles us. <b>Embracing mindfulness might have a phenomenal impact on your life</b> because it's been shown to make a difference in so many areas. For example, <a href="http://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/mindful-eating-may-help-with-weight-loss" target="_blank">mindful eating would advantageously replace any diet</a>. Implementing <a href="https://hbr.org/2015/12/why-google-target-and-general-mills-are-investing-in-mindfulness?utm_campaign=HBR&utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social" target="_blank">mindfulness in the workplace</a> would significantly reduce stress, increase creativity and performance, improve interactions and decision-making, with the bonus of happiness and well-being.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Something tells me that mindfulness might be the ultimate resource and inspiration we need to tap into.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b><br /></b><b><span style="font-size: large;">Mindfulness this Week</span></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">This week we will slowly acquaint ourselves with mindfulness. We will keep it very simple for now. Our only goal will be to pay more attention, to become more aware of what's going on. Every time we have a chance, we will ask ourselves: What is going on right now, outside of me and inside of me? We will welcome any answer that comes up. We will observe the sensations that emerge. There will be no judgement, no analysis, no further questions. We will simply state, for ourselves, how we feel this right moment... then we will continue with the rest of our day.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Let's begin right now. How do you feel at the moment? Take a moment to assess your internal state and the external situation. Then continue with the rest of your day.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Be part of the process:</b></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 20.79px;">Submit your comments below</span><br />
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<br />HappinessSavouredHot (Julie Saint-Mleux)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10440062323314751611noreply@blogger.com16