Mindfulness - The real problem with time

Nick J Webb, Flickr

"If we worship money, we'll never feel truly abundant. 

If we worship power, recognition, and fame, we'll never feel we have enough. And if we live our lives madly rushing around, trying to find and save time, 

we'll always find ourselves living in a time famine, frazzled and stressed." 

(Ariana Huffington)

Do you find yourself rummaging for time, desperately trying to go through your to-do list, always tired, always frustrated?

I know I do. A few months ago, I even tried to create a detailed weekly plan that would incorporate everything I want (or need) to do; paid work, household chores, quality time with loved ones, running, swimming, going to the gym, practicing the guitar, writing articles for an increasing number of publications. To my great despair, and no matter how I tried to move things around, it simply didn't fit - especially given the fact that I wanted the supreme luxury of also sleeping 8 hours per night. 

There is nothing original about my quest for hours, nor is there with my ongoing frustration with the unfinished state of so many of my ventures: as a working parent of the new millenium, I am in good company.

Not content to simply accept this state of affairs, I decided to dig deeper: Why do we feel so pressed for time while living in comfort and privilege? Does it have to be that way? How can we create for ourselves a schedule that has a more organic pace, while still reaching at least some of our goals?

The more I researched the topic, and the more I experimented with my use of time (this summer, for example, was the first in many years that I did not create a long to-do list for myself), the more I realized that the real problem is not time. Our stressed out and frustrated state originates from a few other factors:

Expectations

Simply put, many of us tend to underestimate the time it will take to do something. I am definitely guilty of that. The first step toward regaining control over our use of time might be to actually set aside enough time to accomplish the things we want to accomplish. If, like me, you also struggle to remain focused on the task at hand (I can barely empty a dishwasher without researching something on Google halfway through), you may want to plan even more time. Which takes us to the next factor: 

Attention

No matter how much time you spend on a task, if you are not focused on it, you are not making progress. It doesn't matter if you are distracted by others (external interruptions) or by yourself (daydreaming, multitasking). A block of time devoted to something must indeed be devoted to it! How to accomplish that? Monotask. Take the necessary steps to avoid being disrupted (There is a sign on my home office door that reads "Keep calm and do not disturb - I am working"). And plan regular breaks.

Energy

Time is a finite resource. Energy is not. So what really matters is not how much we work, but how we use our energy. One of the main lessons I have learned from running is to pace myself. That could mean going slower than what comes "naturally", or taking a break before you think you need one. This, I realized, applies to any sort of activity: physical, intellectual, even emotional.

If I try to go too fast, or if I fail to rest when I need it, then I end up being way less efficient, which wastes my time. When we do that on a regular basis, a common consequence is to engage in "numbing activities" to compensate for the unpleasantness - this is how so many of us end up over eating, drinking, shopping, staring at a screen for hours, etc. I'm not okay with wasting my time numbing pain and discomfort with bad habits that most likely have side effects. Instead, I am coming to terms with "unproductive" activity (sleeping, daydreaming, reading, listening to music)  that provides me with rest or pleasure.

Priorities

"Most people are living at such a furious pace that they rarely stop to ask themselves what they stand for and who they want to be. As a consequence, they let external demands dictate their actions." (Tony Schwartz and Catherine McCarthy) 

I stopped counting the number of times I heard time-starved moms - myself included - apologize for not baking/cooking the dish they were bringing to a party, or for not welcoming their guests into an immaculate house... as if getting something from the grocery store and living in a house that looks, well, lived-in, was a venial sin of some sort. To avoid the guilt - and the ensuing apology - a lot of us will try to cram such extra demands into a schedule that is already bursting at the seams. Enough already! Do those things really matter that much?

Like a teacher sets end goals, then breaks them down in small, incremental steps for her students, we should set life goals, determine the intermediate steps, and ensure that our time is indeed devoted to those goals on a daily basis. Any activity that does not lead to the fulfillment of those main goals can be tossed aside. 

Unfortunately, it is very easy to confuse our own personal goals with those that society imposes on us. Based on the current, mainstream definition of success, for example, I should be spending most of my time trying to impress others by 1) making sure I (and my family, and my house, etc.) look their best and "coolest" at all times, including on social media; 2) becoming famous (or making my kids famous, by extension); 3) making lots of money.

The problem is, those endeavors often prove exhausting, and may fail to provide the fulfillment we are looking for. I have written about how, when my translation business was at its height (and with it my income), I felt more fatigue, stress and frustration than any happiness I might have been looking for. I have since then decided to slow down on the career front, and I genuinely feel much better for it.

Meanwhile, other activities that seemed far less glamorous than a lucrative start-up, and which had fell through the cracks, regained importance in my eyes as I realized they actually fit some of my main priorities. Walking in nature and listening to the rain or birds, or spending time washing and cutting up veggies, seems rather banal and, again, unproductive. But when setting my priorities, eating (and feeding my family) healthy, and making sure I engage in peaceful, meditative activities on a daily basis, made it to the top 10 - meaning those activities should indeed be part of my daily life - even if that means sacrificing other activities. 

Less is more

The fear of missing out is a potent feeling, exacerbated by the plethora of choices modern life offers. Is it because my father passed away suddenly at 50, long before he could enjoy any bit of retirement, making it all so clear that the clock is ticking? I have felt an intense pressure to "make the most of life". When left unattended, that pressure can suck enjoyment out of life, which is the last thing we want to happen. I now know that what I need is not to do more things in general, but to strive and be in the moment, whatever I am doing (or not doing).

And so, counterintuitive as it may seem, in order to feel at peace with our use of time, we might need to do less, not more. To learn to sit or walk in silence, to stare into space, without guilt.

Which is exactly what I practiced this summer. There is no endless list of activities on my fridge, with little checkmarks all over it. This summer I took life day by day. Consequently, I spent more time on "unproductive" activities such as reading, chatting with friends and family, and even sleeping. It wasn't always comfortable, but I got used to that slower, more organic, pace. Interestingly, the top priorities still got done (e.g. repainting the decks, organizing the basement). Was this summer better or worse than the previous ones? Neither. But it was certainly less stressful. Will I have regrets? Probably not.

Mindfulness this Week

Have you changed your relationship with time?
How do you make sure you respect your pace, energy levels and priorities?
Do you find it hard to set realistic expectations, and to maintain your focus?

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Mindfulness: Aids to meditation

The things we notice when we pay attention. Julie Saint-Mleux, 2015

"You don't learn to sail in stormy seas. You go to a secluded place, not to avoid the world, but to avoid distractions until you build your strength and you can deal with anything. You don't box Muhammad Ali on day one." - Matthieu Ricard

If you're anything like me (and the average meditator), you will encounter obstacles on the path to making meditation a habit in your life. Meditation is not complicated in itself, but its simplicity can be precisely what makes it so difficult. Meditation implies being here and now, without giving in to external or internal distractions. It's hard. Especially in our fast-paced, hyper-stimulating world.

I have been meditating trying to meditate daily for almost six months now, and there are still days when I struggle. I love to sit still and alone in a quiet spot, but my mind does not always join in the stillness - thoughts go in all directions with no intent to quiet down. My other issue, and I'm kind of embarrassed to admit it, is that I tend to fall asleep a lot when I meditate. It could be a sign that I am not well rested, though I do usually sleep eight hours, or it could be a sign that my body and mind are not used to stillness enough yet - they interpret my immobility and regular breathing as an invitation to sleep. 

Luckily, there are many strategies to help your mind focus or to prevent it from drifting away (including to sleep). I've listed them below:

1) Tire yourself out before you start meditating. Ending a demanding yoga session with meditation can work wonders. I also find that I meditate ''better'' after working out and stretching;

2) Create a rhythmic movement such as walking, running, cycling, rowing, or even sitting in a rocking chair;

3) Engage your sense of sight: look at a flower, at a lit candle, at a campfire;

4) Engage your sense of hearing: sit by the ocean (in a quiet spot as crowds can be distracting) and let the waves rock you into meditation, or sit in the woods listening to the birds. You can also listen to soothing music, or even try chanting mantras;

5) Engage your sense of smell: aromatherapy can help as long as you don't have any adverse reaction to the scent;

6) Engage your sense of taste: eating very slowly, paying all attention to the sensation in your mouth, can be a meditative experience;

7) Last but not least, and probably the most accessible technique, focus on the breath.

Learning to meditate can be quite a steep learning curve, but I remind myself that ''bad'' meditation is still meditation. Sometimes it's only once it's done that you realize the actual realm of its benefits. 

Eventually, meditation will sneak up on you: more and more, I find myself in a meditative state when it wasn't even planned. At random moments, I seem to land into a state of combined calm and alertness that improves my interactions with people, my work, my respect for my own physical and emotional needs. 

Sometimes, what I notice isn't pleasant in itself: For example, I realize that being around certain individuals is draining. I realize that I have muscular tension or other types of discomforts. I realize that I am tired. Sad. Anxious. Noticing those things isn't particularly positive, but it does help me take the necessary steps to well-being. 

Sometimes I notice neutral things, such as my heartbeat. It is neither negative nor positive, but it is strangely comforting.


Sometimes, I notice positive things, such as peacefulness, warmth, lightness, joy, all those things that were probably there all along but only became perceptible once I paid attention. 

Mindfulness this Week

What specific challenges and strategies have you experienced in your meditation?

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Mindfulness - Feeling alive, in the body and in the mind

enneafive, Flickr

Spring is finally showing some timid signs of a comeback in Canada, and many of us are feeling alive again.

It would be tempting to call it spring fever, but really, the way I personally feel is closer to waking up after a long night of sleep. I don't know if I'm particularly excited, or simply aware of my surroundings after a long hiatus. I feel like opening my eyes, stretching, looking around, noticing what is going on.


It's in the little things: 

• Hearing the birds in the morning, and the peepers at night. In the winter, unless you are walking on crisp snow on a very cold day, everything is so overwhelmingly silent.
• Smelling the leaves, the grass, the budding flowers. In the winter, unless you walk by a house heated with a wood stove, the absence of smell is striking.
• Seeing in color again, thanks to the different shades of green and, gradually, other hues as the flowers begin to bloom. In the winter, need I mention, everything is white.
• Feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin, and allowing the breeze to play with my hair. In the winter we are so covered that nothing gets to us (apart from an unpleasant dampness that chills us to the bone. Or when the wind does manage to get to our skin, it pinches, bites, and burns it's so cold).

It's nothing short of a reawakening of the body, and it has more impact than one could imagine. 

One of the first things I noticed when I "officially" decided to be more mindful was a new relationship with my body. Paying attention in general had the almost immediate effect of making me reconnect with physical sensations that I had been ignoring or downplaying. This had wider implications. At first I mostly noticed the unpleasant stuff - ranging from a diffuse feeling of fatigue, tension or heaviness all the way to specific and precisely located discomforts, aches and pains of varied intensities. One of my first "epiphanies" was that migraine affects me more than I ever allowed myself to admit. On the "lighter" side, I started making clear connections between the way I felt and my posture, my eating habits, my physical activity level, my reaction to stress, how much I had slept, etc. I adjusted my lifestyle to limit the negative outcomes, and to foster physical well-being.

Gradually, this new awareness started encompassing the good sides of the physical experience as well. I noticed pleasant sensations more. The softness of my bed sheets. The warmth of my sweater. The taste of my food. The colors in the sky. If my toes were in the sand, they felt "happy". It was as if all fives senses had gained acuity (and a renewed enjoyment of simple pleasures). 

I realized that one of the quickest paths to mindfulness might be to start with the body. Indeed, meditation neophytes are often encouraged to do a "body scan". I now believe that a lot of my initial encounters with a meditative-like state happened while I was stretching after my workouts. Of all moments that make up a day, the 15 minutes I devote to stretching might be the time when I am most "awake", focused on how I feel in the moment, attentive to my breath, taking the time, completely oblivious to anything that came before or that will come after. 

As my physical awareness increased, so did my overall "presence". I can "sense" things as they happen, and avoid acting or reacting in an autopilot manner: 

• Faced with a stressful situation, I will spontaneously take a deep breath, center myself, and realize that no action or reaction is actually required on my part at the precise moment. Or that my reaction can be very low-key, subtle, peaceful. (This is particularly true during interactions with "demanding" individuals.)
• Faced with a pleasant situation, I will also spontaneously take a deep breath, center myself, and realize that no action or reaction is actually required on my part at the precise moment. Or that my reaction can be to simply take it all in, instead of rushing to the next thing.

This has made life easier to handle AND more enjoyable.

Mindfulness this Week

What is your relationship with your body, and how does it impact the rest of your life?

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Mindfulness - The calendar method

DafneCholet, Flickr

When this mindfulness project started, some 10 weeks ago, I didn't quite know where it would take me, but I knew I had to make it concrete. Mindfulness can be quite the abstract concept, but I wanted my quest to be anything but abstract. Apart from the regular practice of meditation, I felt that I needed something tangible, some kind of "tool" to keep track of my progress in the field of mindfulness.

I was looking for something simple, effortless, not time-consuming. 

I looked at my calendar - the traditional, paper version of it. 

And I began thinking of the things I would like to keep track of.

There were mostly two: my physical state, and my mental state.

So on January first, I began putting the "daily face" on my calendar. At the end of each day, I would draw a simple emoji: A smiley face meant my mood had been mostly good, a neutral face meant my mood had been okay, and a frowning face meant my mood had been mostly negative (e.g. significantly sad, agitated, or irritable).

To account for my physical well or ill-being, I used a color code: Green meant no physical discomfort, blue meant moderate physical discomfort (e.g. soreness, headaches, digestive issues and the like), and red meant significant illness - red would mean, for example, that I had to take a full day off. (Knock on wood, no such day yet, even if migraine has forced me to change some plans.) 

Out of curiosity, I also kept track of the days I did meditate, of whether or not I had exercised, and where I was in my menstrual cycle. On my "not so good days", I added some additional information such as the weather, any particular stressful events, and whether or not I had certain foods which I had been suspicious about.

I am still writing on my calendar daily. All in all, this new habit only takes up a few minutes every day, and that time is very well-invested: After one month, I was already making interesting discoveries. After two, I could see trends emerge. Now well into the third month, I can almost anticipate some of the patterns. 

Using the "calendar method" allowed me to discover (or to confirm) the factors that influence my physical and emotional well-being. It was great news in two very different ways:

Factors I have control over: By knowing precisely what is good and not so good for my levels of well-being, I can tweak things, and trust that I will feel better. I am taking responsibility. This is empowering.

(Depending on your profile and specific issues, examples might include the impact of exercise, water intake, meditation, sleep, screen time, social interactions, etc. on your well-being, as well as food-related sensitivities and other reactions to your environment. In all those cases, if you can do something about the causes, you might as well take the bull by the horns to ensure your optimal well-being.)

Factors I have no control over: By knowing that some external, uncontrollable factors also have an impact on my well-being, I am less taken by surprise, and in turn, less frustrated - I accept the situation with more serenity instead of fighting it (or worse, self-loathing). I cut myself some necessary slack. This comes with a new respect for some of my vulnerabilities.

(Depending on your profile and specific issues, examples might include weather-related flare-ups, PMS and other hormonal symptoms, as well as feeling tense or down after a rough day. If you can do nothing about the causes, you might as well face the consequences with a zen attitude.)

It has only been ten weeks, but it already qualifies as an eye-opening journey, and I cannot wait to make new discoveries!

Mindfulness this Week

Have you noticed any trends by paying attention to your well-being and by focusing on the possible causes? What are you doing about it?

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Mindfulness - Self-knowledge and compassion

Muffet, Flickr

“The most fundamental aggression to ourselves, the most fundamental harm
 we can do to ourselves, is to remain ignorant by not having the courage 
and the respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently.” 

― Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times

One of my main findings, after two months of practicing mindfulness meticulously, is that I have been, in my life, ignoring (or downplaying) some very real aspects of who I am. By paying attention to my internal state (and the concomitant external circumstances), I am realizing that I still have much to learn and implement when it comes to respecting myself.

Throughout our lives, expectations are put upon us, and we internalize many of those expectations : this is how I should behave, what I should look like, the choices I should make, how productive I should be, etc. We internalize all of it so well that in some cases, we are not even aware that it is not "the real us".

Unfortunately, choosing to ignore (or doing so unconsciously) our true nature, our specific needs and our unique limits can only backfire. Simply think of an introvert who would force himself into more social gatherings than he can handle, or an extrovert who would fail to fulfill her social interaction needs, and you get the idea: both would feel miserable. 

Chronic limitations

Identifying our limits can lead to either one of the following: 1) it can lead us to renounce our goals altogether, or 2) it can lead us to set goals that are more realistic. Personally, I opt for the latter. For example, I have never let my - moderate - asthma get in the way of being active, and I even became a long-distance runner. But I have had to remain attentive to the limits that my asthma imposes, respect my own pace, and accept that no level of training will make me a super fast runner (my half-marathon PB is around the two-hour mark, while most of the same-age friends whom I trained with run it at least a couple minutes faster). 

If you have the same, or any other, physical or mental affliction, it is sometimes easier to deny it - after all, who wants to admit that they have health limitations, and that those health limitations get in the way of their aspirations, or even a "normal life"? The fact is, whether you acknowledge them or not, your limitations exist. They do not disappear through magical thinking. Another personal example: I have learned the hard way (despite all my initial resistance) that I have to address the first symptoms of a migraine vigorously, lest it turns much, much worse. Believe me, I do not enjoy cancelling plans or taking medication, but sometimes, it is a necessity.

Noticing and acknowledging our limits is not to be used as a pretext for giving up. I am all for pushing one's limits, and excessive self-indulgence definitely qualifies as one of my pet peeves. I know that in order to accomplish things and reach goals, hard work and discomfort is necessary. I am also all too aware that living and/or working with others requires compromise and good will - anything one person decides not to do ends up on somebody else's plate one way or another. However, I am becoming increasingly aware that ignoring one's limits often turns counterproductive.

Always pragmatic, I try and turn my self-awareness into a call to action to myself. Instead of sitting on my bum, I like to take matters in my own hands. For example, I have noticed that I can keep a lot of physical and emotional pain at bay by exercising regularly. I don't always feel like it, but time and experience has shown that it's worth it. I have also noticed that I waste my precious energy by trying to remain focused for a long time: with my short attention span, breaking down any task into smaller bits really is the way to go, whether I like it or not. The nice thing about it is that when I respect that particular pace and style of mine, I actually accomplish a lot.  

Temporary limitations

Sometimes, a given limitation is temporary. One of the best decisions I made when my father passed away, for example, was to allow myself to feel the pain, and to allow myself as much time as I needed to grieve. I did not give up my life and activities, but I cut myself some much needed slack, instead of insisting on "business as usual".

By knowing ourselves and our limitations better, by respecting our personal pace and style, we get rid of much frustration and guilt, and we end up getting more done, not less.

Get more done, feel better: it all starts with self-knowledge and compassion.

For more on knowing oneself:

Know Thyself
Who am I


Mindfulness this Week

I will be in sync with my optimal mode of functioning and any particular needs or limitations I may have. 

Tell us what you come up with.

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Mindfulness - Making good habits

Dafne Cholet, Flickr

Getting rid of bad habits is important, but making new ones is just as critical. 

First, because you can't simply let go of a bad habit without replacing it with another, better one: facing the void is too hard, especially when the reason the bad habit exists in the first place is to cover some deep dissatisfaction. Personal anecdote: A dietitian I once consulted for advice on how to stop eating my emotions (I would go for sweets whenever I felt tired, stressed or bored) recommended that I find another pleasant activity to engage in, ideally an activity that would prevent me from eating sweets, such as going for a brisk walk, talking to a friend, or taking a bubble bath. 

Second, because good habits are the number one step toward structuring our life in a way that enables us to live according to our values, and reach our goals. Forget about your bad habits: the only way you will build a life that makes you feel good about yourself is by adopting good habits.

The thing is, implementing (and maintaining) good habits is hard. That's because it takes us out of our comfort zone... but I think it is also because we look at them from the wrong angle: we see good habits as things we "should" do... if only we were a "good" person. I have a different take on them: good habits are the things that ultimately make you feel good, physically and mentally. Therefore, good habits are a gift we give ourselves. NOT some sort of painful coercion.

Of course, going from theory to practice takes some time - and a lot of mindfulness. We need to reconnect with how we really feel. We - erroneously - tend to think that our bad habits are what makes us feel good: after all, spending, eating, drinking and the like tend to give us a "high" which we tend to confuse with actual happiness. Paying attention and being honest with ourselves is the only way to rediscover the true source of well-being. (No, bingeing on beer or chocolate cake is NOT it.)

We also need to take baby steps. It will be difficult, but the beautiful thing about good habits is that they generalize to other good habits: for example, my first yoga instructor used to say that when she started meditating, she automatically started eating healthier, even if she had not consciously planned to. I believe this is true for many good habits. (Smokers who start running have an easier time letting go of smoking.) I personally still tend to gravitate toward sweets when I am tired or dehydrated... so I make sure to sleep enough and to drink water throughout the day - those two good habits help me resist a bad one.

Which takes us to some of the good habits you might want to start forming. (I recommend starting with one, and only adding additional good habits one at a time, when the previous one is more or less "mastered".)


You could make it a habit to:

• Go to bed earlier
• Wake up half an hour earlier in order to squeeze in some exercise or some meditation (both wonderful ways to start a day, they energize AND make you peaceful at the same time)
• Eat a tall glass of water as soon as you get up, and carry a water bottle with you all day
• Include actual fruit with each breakfast (better than juice)
• Carry a healthy snack with you for sudden cravings
• Make sure both lunch and supper include a big portion of vegetables
• Walk or bike whenever possible (as opposed to taking the car)
• Do simple body weight exercises and stretches while you watch TV (if you watch TV)
• Do a quiet activity before bedtime, such as reading a book, writing a gratitude journal, or taking a bath

Whether I "feel like it" or not, I know for a fact that whenever I include those good habits in my daily life, I feel much better. Even if the rest of the day doesn't go quite according to plan, I know that I did at least a few things right, and I feel more motivated to make other right choices.

What new habit do you feel like making?


Mindfulness this Week


I will look at my daily schedule and see if I can tweak a few things in order to include more of the "right choices". I will NOT focus on my bad choices. I will trust that by implementing good habits, the bad ones will slowly fade away.

Tell us what you come up with.

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The Less is More Project: Week 31 - What to do with your - minimal - time

Alan Cleaver, Flickr

Quote of the day: "My goal is to build a life I don't need a vacation from." 

(Rob Hill Sr.)

Response: "Wait 'til you have kids!" (unknown)

Fact: Life is busy for most of us, and particularly for working parents. How do we reclaim our time?

What we do with our free time is telling. Vacation is a perfect illustration of the multitude of choices we face when we aren't working. Interestingly (and sadly) enough, we sometimes choose to not take any vacation, or we use most of that time to... work: house chores and projects, entertaining/taxiing kids, etc. The same logic applies to evenings and weekends. 

Those activities might be - at least partly - enjoyable, they still qualify as work. When I became a mom, for example, I soon realized going to the beach would never be relaxing again: little ones require constant supervision near water (even in the presence of qualified lifeguards). 

When we keep working "after hours", we might feel productive, efficient, organized, and devoted. But we can also end up feeling deprived of life enjoyment and even meaning. No matter how busy, we all deserve to take care of ourselves. We shouldn't worry this will take time away from serious and necessary tasks: when we start with fulfilling our needs, we become more efficient at everything else. And no, all those things we do aren't absolutely necessary. It is possible to cut back. Not only is it possible, it is crucial. Otherwise, we pay the price, in the form of exhaustion, stress, crankiness, unhealthy habits, and the general feeling that our lives are slipping through our fingers. 

First things first. Let's set priorities. There are only 24 hours in a day, and last time I did the math, it's impossible to do everything that needs to be done and everything one wants to do in a day. It just doesn't add up. So I decided to start with the basics.

1. Make sure you sleep enough. If you start your day insufficiently rested, nothing can be expected to flow nicely. To sleep enough, you might have to go to bed earlier. If a full night of sleep is unrealistic (eg. you have a newborn), make sure you nap later in the day (during baby's nap). If this is still difficult, a nap on the weekend might be better than no nap at all.

2. Exercise. Exercise is necessary for your physical and mental well-being. Since few of us are in the mood later in the day, might as well get it out of the way as soon as we leave our bed. Go for a run, a walk, a swim, or simply do some strength training and cardio at home (there are plenty resources online for that, no equipment necessary). 

3. Stretch and/or do a short meditation. Nothing better than starting your day calm, centered and grounded.

4. Shower (and other personal hygiene). Keep this short and sweet. Endless grooming is a waste of time. Nobody notices the difference. Your hair is fine. Leave the bathroom. (But not before applying sunscreen.)

5.  Have a healthy breakfast. This is the first meal you're fueling your body and brain with. Choose wisely. Also: start hydrating right away. Have a glass of water before anything else.

6. Before parting for the day, hug your loved ones. Give them a kiss. That includes your pet, if you have any: an easy way to lower your blood pressure is to cuddle your furry friend!

7. Work. We think of paid work first, but other responsibilities fall within that category. Anything productive counts as work: developing skills, networking. raising kids, doing chores, maintaining the property, running errands, honoring appointments, making phone calls, paying bills.

8. Take a break. There should be a moment, during your day, when you leave work aside altogether. Eating lunch at your desk just won't cut it. Ideally, find people to chat, go outside, take a walk.

9. Back to work. 

10. Have a sit-down supper with your partner or family. Some nights, this is not possible, but try and make it happen as often as possible. The benefits of eating together are innumerable and have been confirmed by studies. This is especially important if you have teenagers.

11. There might be a little more work to do after supper (such as doing the dishes or driving a kid to an activity), but try and keep it minimal. And ensure that some nights are free of any obligations. By now your body and mind are ready to slow down. Honor that. You deserve it. And no, children don't need an extracurricular activity every single day of the week.

12. Have a tender moment with your loved ones. You might not see each other all that much during the day. Make this count.

13. Do something you like. Yes, something YOU like. Something pleasant. It can be creative, but it doesn't have to be productive. The day was long, and you worked hard. You deserve to have fun. At this point, it is totally acceptable to watch TV if that's what you like, but if you find yourself unable to do anything else but slump on the couch and pour yourself a glass of wine, night after night, you might have neglected one or many of the previous pieces of advice. Revisit your approach tomorrow.


14. Floss.


Repeat.

The reason we skip those basics is precisely because we think we don't have time for them. But the truth is, when we are properly rested, exercised, well-fed and hydrated, etc., our levels of energy and concentration are so much higher that we achieve way more in less time. We also engage in less self-destructive behaviors.

One note on multitasking: it is seldom recommended, but sometimes useful. Personally, I like to use my exercise time a a socializing time as well (by running with a friend) or as a learning opportunity (by watching at TED talk as I lift weights, for example). 

WEEK 31 IN REVIEW

I asked the kids to sort through their clothes and hand me anything they don't think they'll ever wear. We got rid of (donated) a few pieces. 

I almost bought a hammock, but D gently reminded me it's not a need. Guess it will have to wait.


Your turn to share about your struggles and victories of the week! What did you resist? Did you donate or get rid of anything? Did you face any challenge? Please comment below! And...

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