Mindfulness - The calendar method

DafneCholet, Flickr

When this mindfulness project started, some 10 weeks ago, I didn't quite know where it would take me, but I knew I had to make it concrete. Mindfulness can be quite the abstract concept, but I wanted my quest to be anything but abstract. Apart from the regular practice of meditation, I felt that I needed something tangible, some kind of "tool" to keep track of my progress in the field of mindfulness.

I was looking for something simple, effortless, not time-consuming. 

I looked at my calendar - the traditional, paper version of it. 

And I began thinking of the things I would like to keep track of.

There were mostly two: my physical state, and my mental state.

So on January first, I began putting the "daily face" on my calendar. At the end of each day, I would draw a simple emoji: A smiley face meant my mood had been mostly good, a neutral face meant my mood had been okay, and a frowning face meant my mood had been mostly negative (e.g. significantly sad, agitated, or irritable).

To account for my physical well or ill-being, I used a color code: Green meant no physical discomfort, blue meant moderate physical discomfort (e.g. soreness, headaches, digestive issues and the like), and red meant significant illness - red would mean, for example, that I had to take a full day off. (Knock on wood, no such day yet, even if migraine has forced me to change some plans.) 

Out of curiosity, I also kept track of the days I did meditate, of whether or not I had exercised, and where I was in my menstrual cycle. On my "not so good days", I added some additional information such as the weather, any particular stressful events, and whether or not I had certain foods which I had been suspicious about.

I am still writing on my calendar daily. All in all, this new habit only takes up a few minutes every day, and that time is very well-invested: After one month, I was already making interesting discoveries. After two, I could see trends emerge. Now well into the third month, I can almost anticipate some of the patterns. 

Using the "calendar method" allowed me to discover (or to confirm) the factors that influence my physical and emotional well-being. It was great news in two very different ways:

Factors I have control over: By knowing precisely what is good and not so good for my levels of well-being, I can tweak things, and trust that I will feel better. I am taking responsibility. This is empowering.

(Depending on your profile and specific issues, examples might include the impact of exercise, water intake, meditation, sleep, screen time, social interactions, etc. on your well-being, as well as food-related sensitivities and other reactions to your environment. In all those cases, if you can do something about the causes, you might as well take the bull by the horns to ensure your optimal well-being.)

Factors I have no control over: By knowing that some external, uncontrollable factors also have an impact on my well-being, I am less taken by surprise, and in turn, less frustrated - I accept the situation with more serenity instead of fighting it (or worse, self-loathing). I cut myself some necessary slack. This comes with a new respect for some of my vulnerabilities.

(Depending on your profile and specific issues, examples might include weather-related flare-ups, PMS and other hormonal symptoms, as well as feeling tense or down after a rough day. If you can do nothing about the causes, you might as well face the consequences with a zen attitude.)

It has only been ten weeks, but it already qualifies as an eye-opening journey, and I cannot wait to make new discoveries!

Mindfulness this Week

Have you noticed any trends by paying attention to your well-being and by focusing on the possible causes? What are you doing about it?

Be part of the process: 

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The Less is More Project: Week 34 - To do or not to do, that is the question

Brendan DeBrincat, Flickr

"Vacation means a change of pace, a gentleness with ourselves, a time of rest and renewal, and a time to stretch ourselves and encounter new people, new lands, new ways, and new options. The very newness opens the possibility of expanding our spirits and flushing out the stagnant particles in our blood." (Anne Wilson Schaef)


As consuming becomes less and less a temptation, and as my summer vacation is coming to an end, I am discovering a challenge I didn't know I had. I don't buy too much anymore. I don't own too much anymore either. But...

I still try to do too much.

Which can result in either two situations, depending:

1. Either I am super productive and accomplish tons of things, which is satisfying in a way, but also stressful, frustrating and exhausting in other ways...
2. Or I get discouraged by the amount of things to do and throw in the towel altogether, which is relieving in a way, but also stressful and frustrating in other ways.

Sometimes this struggle takes ridiculous forms, as this recent example will show.

My friend and neighbor M invited me to go pick blueberries about a kilometer from our houses. So we hoped on our bikes, pedaled for a few minutes, and found THE blueberry paradise, a whole area covered in more blue than green, all organic of course. Here was a seemingly endless supply of one of the healthiest foods on earth, usually not cheap in stores, for free! We filled a couple containers, and agreed that we would come back every single evening until the season is over. We did go back the next day. But on the third night, I did not feel like picking blueberries. For no particular reason. Just not in the mood. Instead of simply not going, and calling it a night, I briefly tortured myself with the thought that there were still free, delicious blueberries for me to pick out there, and that by my being lazy, I was going to miss on them! Suddenly the wonderful blueberry resource had become a source of stress instead of a source of happiness. 

Time to reframe!

The blueberry situation was quickly resolved, but it made me realize that we often feel forced to do things that we don't feel like doing just because we think we have to do them. 

Since time and energy are arguably more valuable resources than money, it might be a good idea to put those instances under the microscope, determine where our time and energy can be more wisely invested, and declutter our lives by ditching the rest.

Can you think of examples?

1) Do you have to clean your house to the point of immaculate before friends show up? Or can you just pick up the most obvious and relax, knowing that they won't notice?

I have been working on that one relentlessly. What's so terrible about letting your friends see an imperfect version of your house? Could it have anything to do with difficulties letting them see imperfect parts of yourself in general? Vulnerability issues, anyone? But I know that nobody likes perfect people. Plus, they know very well that it's just a facade. As I said. I'm working on it.

2) Do you have to entertain the kids on a vacation day? Or can you stick to making sure they stay safe, fed, rested and hydrated, and trust that they will be able to put their youthful energy and creativity to good use?

This one has been much less of a struggle. Every time I give some rope to my kids and let them figure out what to do with their time, I just love what they come up with so much (past the initial whining, of course). It reinforces me in the idea that they don't need my constant interventions.

3) Do you have to have to go out of your way to be friendly and bubbly with that person you don't really like, or is being polite and minimally pleasant enough?

This one was inspired by a recent conversation with a friend. Of course it's important to be nice and kind. Even to people we don't care for all that much. But we don't owe people anything more than treating them fairly. Giving yourself away to people who don't seem interested, or worse, don't show you minimal respect, is a sure way to get burned. (In the same vein: do you have to call this person who never calls you, or who monologues endlessly but never listens to your stories?)

4) Do you have to use all your potential fully? Or can you pick one career, one main hobby, and only use your other talents occasionally, without any hope of achieving anything big in those areas? Talk about relieving some pressure.

I have realized that it's not necessary, and often not even desirable, to try and reach the most advanced level in all areas I show potential for. Intermediate goals, that fit well within the rest of my life, can be perfectly acceptable. Then I can devote my time and energy to the one pursuit that really matters the most.


"Doing the best I can without too much anxiety or strain sounds like a relaxing way to live." (Anne Wilson Schaef)


WEEK 34 IN REVIEW

After months of pretty much no purchases (with the exceptions of necessities, of course), we have had to open our wallet a little bit more often lately. After school supplies and new shoes, it was time to take a look at the kids' clothes. What had they outgrown? Did they need anything? We went through the closets and dressers, one piece at a time, and discarded all that needed to go (either too small or too damaged). Then, we wrote down the specific items they needed. We went shopping with that list in hand, and only bought what was on it. Other temptations caught some eyes, but by carrying an actual list, it was easier to quickly put everyone back on track: "Remember, we are here to get you gym pants; you don't need anything else".

The discarded items that were still wearable went to a thrift store (2 big garbage bags).


Your turn to share about your struggles and victories of the week! What did you resist? Did you donate or get rid of anything? Did you face any challenge? Please comment below! And...

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