Mindfulness - Perspective

 NancyNance, Flickr

When stuck in a rut, having a hard time experiencing gratitude, unable to find clear answers to our questions, confused about what should take priority in our lives, a simple change in perspective can help.

It struck me as I was sitting in a corner of the house I almost never "visit", on a chair I almost never use. From that standpoint, I had a completely different view of the room and of the garden outside the window. It wasn't anything I hadn't seen before, but the angle was new. It wasn't any better than my usual view, and it wasn't particularly exciting, but somehow it made me feel refreshed and serene.

Opportunities to "refresh and reframe" are everywhere if we are willing to get out of our comfort zone, or simply to slow down and notice. Trying something different and new can work wonders. So does taking the time to actually feel what is going on inside and outside of ourselves. For example, lately I have been allowing myself to stop and observe nature. If there is a pleasant sight, sound or smell, instead of going on with my day, I fully immerse myself in it, for as long as it takes to reach a state of inner joy.

In the past few weeks I had many other opportunities to reframe, ranging from the very mundane to the very distressing, and everything in between. For example:

• The various house and car problems I mentioned in my last post, which entailed both hassle and expenses.
• Being stuck on the tarmac for 2 hours waiting for the plane to be refuelled before take-off... and then experiencing a rather bumpy flight that left me with sweaty palms, numb fingertips and other manifestations of a fight or flight response.
• Learning about friends' financial and/or relationship and/or health-related problems.

All those issues helped me put other issues into perspective - suddenly it didn't matter so much if a huge pile of laundry was accumulating, or that I hadn't found the time to practice my guitar, or even that my career was kind of stalled. More urgent issues, or bigger problems, were happening around me, and all my attention was on them.

But the most important - and awakening - event was the passing of my maternal grandmother. Because she was old (98 years minus 2 days to be exact), one could assume that it was easy to accept. But it wasn't. As I said to a cousin who came to the funeral, "You're never ready to lose someone you love". It didn't matter how old she was - she was amazing, and I will miss her tremendously. 

This event forced me into a new perspective - when a loved one dies, what matters more than your sorrow? Other sources of negative emotions suddenly seemed so trivial. I had no time or energy to sweat the small stuff. What mattered was to be around friends and family, and to fully appreciate their presence. My grandmother would have approved of this reframing - if I had to list her best qualities, the number one would be her bright outlook on life. She found the positive in every situation, and got back on her feet after each setback.

I know that I will keep learning from her even if she isn't here anymore. Her unique perspective will stay with me and with everyone who had the chance to know her.

Mindfulness this Week

What event(s) have changed your perspective? Was it a good or a bad thing?

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Mindfulness: Aids to meditation

The things we notice when we pay attention. Julie Saint-Mleux, 2015

"You don't learn to sail in stormy seas. You go to a secluded place, not to avoid the world, but to avoid distractions until you build your strength and you can deal with anything. You don't box Muhammad Ali on day one." - Matthieu Ricard

If you're anything like me (and the average meditator), you will encounter obstacles on the path to making meditation a habit in your life. Meditation is not complicated in itself, but its simplicity can be precisely what makes it so difficult. Meditation implies being here and now, without giving in to external or internal distractions. It's hard. Especially in our fast-paced, hyper-stimulating world.

I have been meditating trying to meditate daily for almost six months now, and there are still days when I struggle. I love to sit still and alone in a quiet spot, but my mind does not always join in the stillness - thoughts go in all directions with no intent to quiet down. My other issue, and I'm kind of embarrassed to admit it, is that I tend to fall asleep a lot when I meditate. It could be a sign that I am not well rested, though I do usually sleep eight hours, or it could be a sign that my body and mind are not used to stillness enough yet - they interpret my immobility and regular breathing as an invitation to sleep. 

Luckily, there are many strategies to help your mind focus or to prevent it from drifting away (including to sleep). I've listed them below:

1) Tire yourself out before you start meditating. Ending a demanding yoga session with meditation can work wonders. I also find that I meditate ''better'' after working out and stretching;

2) Create a rhythmic movement such as walking, running, cycling, rowing, or even sitting in a rocking chair;

3) Engage your sense of sight: look at a flower, at a lit candle, at a campfire;

4) Engage your sense of hearing: sit by the ocean (in a quiet spot as crowds can be distracting) and let the waves rock you into meditation, or sit in the woods listening to the birds. You can also listen to soothing music, or even try chanting mantras;

5) Engage your sense of smell: aromatherapy can help as long as you don't have any adverse reaction to the scent;

6) Engage your sense of taste: eating very slowly, paying all attention to the sensation in your mouth, can be a meditative experience;

7) Last but not least, and probably the most accessible technique, focus on the breath.

Learning to meditate can be quite a steep learning curve, but I remind myself that ''bad'' meditation is still meditation. Sometimes it's only once it's done that you realize the actual realm of its benefits. 

Eventually, meditation will sneak up on you: more and more, I find myself in a meditative state when it wasn't even planned. At random moments, I seem to land into a state of combined calm and alertness that improves my interactions with people, my work, my respect for my own physical and emotional needs. 

Sometimes, what I notice isn't pleasant in itself: For example, I realize that being around certain individuals is draining. I realize that I have muscular tension or other types of discomforts. I realize that I am tired. Sad. Anxious. Noticing those things isn't particularly positive, but it does help me take the necessary steps to well-being. 

Sometimes I notice neutral things, such as my heartbeat. It is neither negative nor positive, but it is strangely comforting.


Sometimes, I notice positive things, such as peacefulness, warmth, lightness, joy, all those things that were probably there all along but only became perceptible once I paid attention. 

Mindfulness this Week

What specific challenges and strategies have you experienced in your meditation?

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Mindfulness - Stillness

h.koppdelaney, Flickr

"If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, 
live in the moment, live in the breath." 

(Amit Ray)

Did you slow something down this week? I hope you were able to give yourself the gift of a more reasonable pace. As we slow down our movements, the hamster wheel in our head also tends to slow down. That allows a growing awareness to come to the surface, which in turn helps us make better decisions: 

1. We finish one thing before moving on to the next (in our actions but also in thought), which brings about better results and lower stress levels
2. We feel a simple need before it becomes overwhelming, and fulfill it right away: thirst, hunger, fatigue, and even the need to use the washroom
3. We notice that we are feeling tense, uneasy, and that it translates into our mood (irritable), body posture (furrowed eyebrows, clenched jaws or fists, raised shoulders), and breath (shallow and fast) - we regain power over those manifestations of stress, the next step being the recognition and tackling of what caused that stress (A thought? An event? The presence of a person?)
4. We realize that we need a break before things get worse: we go to bed earlier instead of carrying exhaustion from one day to the next; we apply ice to an injury before inflammation sets in; we tackle a budding migraine immediately; we allow ourselves a moment to reflect on a stressful situation
5. We avoid conflict by being present to the real issues at play instead of reacting impulsively and "taking things personal": we know it's not always "about us", but rather about an unfulfilled need or a discomfort that belongs to our interlocutor - seeing things from that angle helps us keep our calm

The magic thing about slowing down is that it eventually leads to the ability to experience stillness. That stillness itself doesn't have to last very long. What matters more than its duration is the quality of that stillness. Here are some examples:

1. We can pause during a conversation and really listen to what others are saying instead of planning our next response
2. We can pause during a meal and really savour what we're eating
3. We can pause when interacting with nature and appreciate its beauty - it can be as simple as the song of a bird as you step outside, the colors in the sky, the smell of a flower, or even a ray of light coming into the house - nature is right outside the window but we often ignore it
4. We can pause while music plays, and give it our full attention
5. We can pause during a hug and feel our "heart melt"
6. We can pause during a stretch to feel how good it is for our muscles
7. We can simply pause for a few deep breaths

Even a short pause, if it is made of true stillness, is often enough to "reset" our mind and body. Will you try it this week?


Mindfulness this Week

This week, find moments to take a real pause and be still, even if it was only for a minute or two. If you give yourself that gift, I am certain that you will feel the difference. Then share about your discoveries!

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The Less is More Project: Week 45 - Social sustainability in the suburbs

Quebec City, 2015. By JSM

"A quiet secluded life in the country, with the possibility of being useful to people to whom it is easy to do good, and who are not accustomed to have it done to them; then work which one hopes may be of some use; then rest, nature, books, music, love for one's neighbor - such is my idea of happiness." (Leo Tolstoy, Family Happiness)

Moving to Nova Scotia eight years ago, we bought our first house. Our real estate agent recommended a certain area, partly based on the school's good reputation. We also liked the nature feel (big lots surrounded by large wooded areas). We chose a house that seemed to fit our needs, wants and hopes. As we were soon to discover, however, the building, the land and the neighborhood might be important pieces of the puzzle, they are not the only ones. One of the best surprises, after moving here, has been the neighbors themselves.

Moving away from everything and everyone we knew could have been painful, but we adapted rather well, and what made the biggest difference was the people who live around us.

We were not the only ones to notice. I recently read the following post on our neighborhood's Facebook page, where people can share information, ask questions (or for help), and generally stay connected: 

"Love love love this neighborhood!! People are so friendly!! Any time I have been looking for anything I get pretty much an instant response and through that I met such awesome people!!"

If it sounds cheesy, it's not. This quote illustrates very well how it feels to live here.

The best thing about great neighbors is that they keep getting better. At first you introduce yourself to each other, occasionally help each other (babysitting, pet-sitting, house-sitting, garden-watering, or the classic "can I borrow three eggs and a some flour?") Occasionally, you offer each other small tokens of appreciation. I've received special deliveries of lobster, freshly fished clams, freshly hunted moose or deer, leftover birthday cake. I've shared homemade muffins and soups.  I've traded fruit and vegetables from the garden. We've helped each other shovel snow. Adults look out for children. Older kids look out for younger ones. 

As time passes, courteous interactions turn into full-blown friendships as you find yourself discussing life for hours on end over a cup of coffee. We go for walks (or runs) together. We have barbecues, bonfires, pool parties.

Eventually, it gets comfortable enough that you can walk over in your PJs to share a glass of wine (been there, done that).

Eventually, you become close enough that you confide in each other about your hopes, dreams, worries, fears, or secrets.

But our community is even more than a warm and welcoming place where one easily makes new friends. It's also its own little local economy in itself. 

Many of us run a small business. For some it's in the building trades. For some it's the making of jewelry, foods, gifts. Some of us offer services: childcare,  piano lessons, tutoring, translating, home decorating. Most of us run those small businesses from home. This promotes family life and flexibility. And because many of us use each other's business when we need a good or a service, our neighborhood almost qualifies as a self-sufficient mini-market. We don't have to go very far to find a small, locally owned (by a friend) consignment store, preschool, hair salon, spa. Some of those services or goods are bartered, which reinforces the feeling of a communal, self-contained system.

Above the location, the house, the school and all other aspects of living here, this might be my favorite feature about this neighborhood.

What do you like about your neighborhood? Does any part of it contribute to living a simple life?

WEEK 45 IN REVIEW

Just saw an add (on social media) about a service that delivers a box of goodies to your dog every month. I can barely imagine how much junk you are left with at the end of the year! 

Soon I will have to go shopping for Christmas presents. After almost eleven months of buying close to nothing, I'm not sure how to feel about it. I will try and keep it simple. 

How do you manage your Christmas shopping?

Your turn to share about your struggles and victories of the week! What did you resist? Did you donate or get rid of anything? Did you face any challenge? Please comment below! And...

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The Less is More Project: Week 35 - The summer nothing happened

Back to school! As usual, the kids had a total of 9½ weeks of summer vacation this year. As usual, we had something planned for about 3 of those weeks (sending them to camp, traveling, seeing relatives, going camping). Which means there were still at least 6 weeks left unplanned.

As usual, I did not fall in the trap of booking them with activities 24/7. In fact, I organized pretty much nothing. After a full school year of tight schedules, I needed the break as much as they did. The only thing I made clear to them was that mornings would be dedicated to my - freelance from home - work, during which they could keep busy in any - safe and acceptable - way they saw fit. (Screen time was still limited to a max of 1 hour per day - figure out what to do with the rest of your time.)

As for afternoons, I wanted them to be left to the spirit of the moment. I wanted us to be spontaneous. Honestly, I also wanted us to experience idleness. Boredom, even. I longed to get lost in my thoughts, and I wished the same upon my kids.  Because, after all, having nothing to do has been shown to be good for children.

After three weeks of social gatherings, canoeing, swimming, hiking, fishing, bike rides, and other sports, campfires, restaurants, museums, parks and historical sites, you would imagine this sudden return to quiet would bore them to death.

When children are bored, two things happen. 1) They complain about it. 2) They start thinking. Boredom is the birthplace of creativity. Your brain has to generate original ideas. Something very important happens in the minutes that follow "I'm bored".

(Keep in mind that children who are not used to being bored might temporarily become annoying - let's not be scared to call things by their name here - but it should resolve if you give them a chance to figure it out.)

We did end up doing a couple fun things. We went to the beach. We visited - more - museums. We took walks in public gardens, in the woods, and on the waterfront. We visited the library. We went for bike rides. We played tennis. We picked berries. We flew a kite. We watched movies. We watched wildlife. We watched shooting stars. We baked. More importantly, we talked together.

But a lot of the time, I just let them be (and they returned me the favor). It was wonderful. I had time to exercise. To chat with friends. To read. To write. To hug my dog. To smell the flowers. To daydream. (Ah, the wonders of daydreaming! For more on the topic, click here.)

Left to their own devices, what did the kids do? They drew. They read. They wrote stories. They did self-directed crafts (my living room is now decorated with a sailing ship made out of cardboard boxes and rags). They played with Lego. They built forts. They played basketball on the street. They practiced their piano. They rode their bikes ad nauseam. They played outside with the neighbors.

Because I'm a cruel mother (ahem), they even helped with chores. The oldest was also hired by a neighbor to water his garden while he was away.

The only moment I heard them complain was whenever I told them to reapply sunscreen.

My kids are not saints for being able to thrive without structured activities and organized sports. Truth is, most kids can do the same... if given the opportunity.

A good friend of mine who also spent the summer at home with her children and did not plan much for them to do was commenting on how well-behaved they were. According to her, the reason was that they finally had time to rest. Most kids do so much usually, with school, organized sports and all, that they are exhausted... which has an impact on their mood. 

Children don't need their days to be filled with child specific activities. What they need is a safe environment in which they can explore and be creative. And when specific activities are happening, children don't have to be at the center of the plans. They can tag along. Simply respect their pace, get them involved... and let them be.



WEEK 35 IN REVIEW

Mountains of paper have left my home office as I am going through my filing cabinets. This must be one of the best feelings in the world. If I can remain organized in the paper department, it will qualify as one of the biggest accomplishments of the decade!


Your turn to share about your struggles and victories of the week! What did you resist? Did you donate or get rid of anything? Did you face any challenge? Please comment below! And...

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The Less is More Project: Week 32 - Materialism VS Happiness

Davidd, Flickr

"They look happier than I've ever been. Is it living simply that I'm looking for?" 

(Levin, in Anna Karenina.)

We might know it, sometimes it doesn't hurt to remind ourselves of what does and does not foster happiness.

And what better way to do it than watch a documentary on happiness? In 75 minutes, "Happy" takes you around the world and into the offices of the big names in "happiness writing", such as Sonja Lyubomirsky, Mihaly Csikszentmihaly, Matthieu Ricard, and the Dalai Lama.

What are the first things we learn? That there are some big traps in the pursuit of happiness. They include pursuing goals such as money, fame and beauty. According to research, none of those, past an initial but ephemeral thrill, will significantly increase your happiness. Imagine: there would be no notable difference in happiness between the person who makes $50,000 a year and the one who makes $5,000,000. As long as you don't live below the poverty line (which would imply struggling to fulfill basic needs such as shelter and food), you are fine! How's that for evidence toward the relevance of minimalism. And if status and physical appearance don't really cut it either, there suddenly is a lot of room in your life for... simplicity.

Now you might wonder what has been shown to increase happiness levels! Here it is:

• fun (to play, to laugh)
• physical activity
• nature
• purpose
• change
• social interactions (and a strong social circle)
• cooperation
• helping others
• working reasonable amounts

To this I would add creativity (any art form will do) and meditation.

WEEK 32 IN REVIEW

I realized this week that there are a few things in the house I might never replace once they run out. Namely:

• Traditional cleaning products. We already don't use many, I don't see why I would ever buy anything else but vinegar, lemon juice and baking soda, since they work so well.
• Shampoo. Baking soda has been my shampoo for months now, and I am not going back. My hair is much shinier, and easier to style.
• Scented products. And environmentally-unfriendly products in general. My soaps, detergents and such are slightly more expensive, but they keep my family and the planet healthy.

Your turn to share about your struggles and victories of the week! What did you resist? Did you donate or get rid of anything? Did you face any challenge? Please comment below! And...

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The Less is More Project: Week 24 - The elephant in the room

digitalART2, Flickr

I have been wanting to tackle this topic for a few weeks now, but I kept postponing. Why? Let's be honest, procrastination usually stems from some form of dread.

I have been dreading this topic because once I write about it, there is no going back: I will be accountable to the readers of the blog, some of which are close friends and family who can easily monitor whether I am doing the right thing or not.

This is scary, but it is also necessary. Being accountable is one of the best ways to implement change in one's life.

If you have been reading this blog for a while, you know that mindfulness is central to my approach to life in general, and to this Less is More project in particular. More than a way to declutter and save money, this project has been a way to refocus, recenter, redefine my priorities, simplify my life, and generally feel better.

All in all, decluttering my house and curbing my spending has been relatively easy. I adopted a more mindful approach toward stuff in the same way that I had adopted a mindful approach toward my physical health (through exercising and healthy eating), and in the same way that I had adopted a mindful approach toward my mental health (through relationships, work-life balance and meditation). (For more on those topics, browse the blog by using the Search tool on the right-hand side.)

Many wonderful things happen when you become mindful: your life looks like the life you want to have. You feel content. Satisfied. Fulfilled. Enthusiastic. Energetic. Peaceful. Truly, mindfulness is a panacea. Some things, however, are easier to be mindful about than others. We all have an elephant in the room. 

Mine is my Internet use.

It all started very nicely: the Internet is a wonderful way to keep up with current events (especially when you very rarely watch TV, like me), to read everything on the topics you are passionate about, and to stay in touch with friends. In addition, the Internet offers very convenient tools such as interactive maps, dictionaries, and various apps. Obviously, I also use the Internet for work: email is my primary way of networking and communicating with my - numerous - clients on a daily basis. Most of my work resources are online as well. I have also used the Internet to find inspiration and to publish my writing (for example, see here, here... and of course, this blog).

Because the Internet is so central to many positive things in my life, it has been hard to draw the line between reasonable use and excessive use. Just like overeating, and unlike, say, smoking, overusing the Internet poses the extra challenge that you cannot completely eliminate it from your life. Using the Internet might not be a "basic need" like eating, some people (including me) still rely on it for the major part of their income. Even when I am not online per se, I am typing away on the computer for work-related purposes. Stepping away from it, in my case, would signify the end of a big chunk of my translating/editing/writing career. It's not an option.

So. Internet has to stay. The problem is, I often find myself overdoing the online presence. I will go check my email or write a blog post... and end up wasting an extra hour reading all kinds of articles (which I then "have to" repost on social media, of course). Most things I read are "intelligent" and help me learn and grow. Sometimes, they are humoristic and entertaining; hey, we all need to unwind and have fun. Still, that time spent in front of the screen is time I don't have for other things.

I know I am not the only one struggling with my use of technology. This is partly why I decided to share my thoughts today. Many of us are addicted to one form of technology or another. In a lot of cases, what should have been used as a tool has become a crutch or even a drug. If you or anybody you know spends hours on end watching TV, have a hard time putting down their phone or cannot imagine life without video games... we are on the same boat: technology addicted. We have been swallowed by the black hole. As of today I want to extirpate myself from it - or at least regain my control over it.

Being mindful does not mean everything will suddenly improve drastically. Knowing you eat or drink too much, for example, is only the first step toward improvement. But it is a necessary step. Over the next few weeks I will be making conscious efforts to limit my use of the Internet. I know I will experience both success and setbacks. But what matters is that I am setting this in motion.

What is YOUR elephant in the room?

WEEK 24 IN REVIEW


Donations (good riddance)

Have you ever really addressed the small things in your house? Pens, paper clips, nails and screws, small utensils and tools, lip balm tubs, earrings and the like might not take a lot of space, they do create clutter. How do you organize yours? And how many do you really need?

I am slowly getting rid of anything belonging to the "small things" category that I don't really use or like. You should give it a try!


Observations and cogitations

The weather has been (and will be, judging by the forecast) glorious. It reminds me, once more, that simple things such as sunlight, wind in the trees, bird songs, colorful flowers and the scent of fresh cut grass or pine trees are enough to fill me with joy. Why do we even bother looking past those wonders? Why do we fail to notice those wonders in the first place?



Your turn to share about your struggles and victories of the week! What did you resist? Did you donate or get rid of anything? Did you face any challenge? Please comment below! And...

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The Less is More Project: Week 23 - Inspiration everywhere!

JSM, 2015

Inspiration. It comes in all shapes and sizes. Oftentimes, when I write, the words that appear on the - virtual - page seem to have been whispered in my ear by a mysterious "voice" rather than created by my own brain. The word inspiration itself refers to "divine guidance". On the etymology of "inspire": 

Middle English enspire, from Old French inspirer, from Latin inspirare ‘breathe or blow into,’ from in- ‘into’ + spirare ‘breathe.’ The word was originally used of a divine or supernatural being, in the sense ‘impart a truth or idea to someone.’ (Source: Google)

Divine/supernatural or not, I feel like many writers (or artists, or composers) have experienced this peculiar phenomenon of receiving inspiration "from above".

It might not be quite as glamorous, but this week, I received inspiration for the blog in many, unrelated ways. I did not have to look very far for ideas - they just kept popping in front of me! See for yourself:

I watched a travel documentary. The first part was about Turkey. It was an organized trip for a group of North Americans. Despite all the interesting visits (nature and culture oriented), I quickly noticed how half of the planned activities had to do with shopping. What is it about traveling that entices people to try and find as much stuff as possible to bring back home? I have traveled a lot (read: over 20 different countries), yet I have brought back pretty much... nothing. Wait. Actually, I have brought back a lot. A lot of wonderful memories, that is.

The second part of the documentary was about Israel. The approach was completely different. The reporter went off the beaten track and visited a remote kibbutz. A very small and simple one, too. There were no luxuries to be found there, for sure. Basic lodging, some gardening, some goats, a slow-paced life. I loved how each interviewee seemed so calm and peaceful. But what I loved even more was how one of them said "We don't have much, but we have enough, and we have each other".

This weekend I participated in a Spartan Race. Not only was it demanding in itself (8 km of steep uphills and downhills + 20 obstacles), the weather made everything even harder: it was cold, it was raining, and the ground was just mud puddles of various depths. After a final, giant leap over fire (literally), I humbly received my medal (for finishing - let's not get too excited here) and went home for THE best hot shower in my entire life, followed by THE best snack in my entire life. Truly, the wonders of being warm, dry and fed are understated.

A friend gave me a magazine she had finished reading. I opened it at a random page. If showed the picture of a pair of high heels, with the following legend: "Instant lift. I reward myself with retail therapy - I'm a shoe fanatic. Price: $850." (I'll abstain from commenting on this one.)

Finally, some remarks I heard from the mouths of my friends this week. The first, talking about an acquaintance, exclaimed: "She ONLY owns ONE TV!" The other, upon opening my linen closet, exclaimed: "OMG, how many hand towels do you own?!?" (In my defense, I have never bought one - they all came from well-meaning grand-mothers. I have given some away, but maybe I can still work on said linen closet. Pretty sure it contains more than 100 items. As for the TV, I have "only" one, and barely ever watch it.)

WEEK 23 IN REVIEW

Temptations

This week, the "Temptations" rubric is officially eliminated from the blog.

Donations (good riddance)

Still more clothes. I'm surprised at the amount of clothes I can get rid of without experiencing any undesirable effects... (Wait. That sentence could be interpreted in all kinds of ways!!! LOL)


Observations and cogitations

Almost halfway through the challenge and I can't say there's even one thing I regret donating or not acquiring. Hmm...



Your turn to share about your struggles and victories of the week! What did you resist? Did you donate or get rid of anything? Did you face any challenge? Please comment below! And...

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