Mindfulness - It will change your life

Cea, Flickr

Once upon a time, tired of lugging around extra weight from my pregnancies, and unable to lose it no matter how hard I tried, I opted for a time-consuming method I had put all my remaining hopes in: journaling my food intake (each and every bite), journaling my exercise (each and every workout), and finding someone to hold me accountable of it all (a personal trainer - but it could have been a friend or family member). In one word, I forced myself to be mindful of my caloric input and output. Guess what? It worked. By the end of the year (I like to make my projects last a year), not only had I lost the weight, I had also improved my strength, flexibility and cardio, enough to run half-marathons and participate in Spartan races. I felt amazing.

In 2015, I decided to tackle another goal, which was to regain control of my relationship with money and stuff. I was NOT drowning in debt. I was NOT a hoarder. I had NO intention of making a vow of poverty. I DID like my job. But I felt the need to shed some light on my spending and owning habits. My hope was that this new awareness would enable me to tailor my use of money and ownership of goods to my true needs (as opposed to the needs advertisement tells us we have), which would hopefully have a positive impact on my wallet, the environment, and my peace of mind. To make sure the change was significant, I committed to a form of minimalism: buying absolutely nothing but necessities (e.g. food) for a year. During that non-spending year I also got rid (mostly by donating) of a lot of objects I wasn't using. It ended up being easier and more enjoyable than I had imagined. I felt like I was no longer falling for the false needs put forward in advertisement: I became acutely aware of how marketing preys on us. Being surrounded by less things through decluttering also made me feel lighter. The process made my spending and owning intentional. Even if the "no spending year" is over, I remain very mindful of my relationship to money and stuff. In stores I act as if I was in a museum: if I see something beautiful, I admire it, then walk away from it. The fact that I love an object and/or that its "price is right" is no reason to purchase it. I don't bring anything in the house unless it fulfills a true need.

This year, as I keep striving to increase my overall levels of mindfulness (in the hope that it will make me a happier AND more responsible citizen), I started meditating daily, which led to both good and "bad" outcomes (for more on that, see my article on Tiny Buddha). In the process, I put new issues under the magnifying glass. One example: in the first few months of 2016, I tracked my moods and physical states and made adjustments accordingly. This has led me to increase my sleep intake while I practically eliminated caffeine intake, among other things. It also changed my approach to the media, relationships, work, self-worth, and a panoply of other issues. One important discovery was that more often than not, I need to slow down and put less pressure on myself. It may seem counter-intuitive, but adopting a slower pace and practicing self-care and awareness has actually helped me accomplish more, or more of what really matters (feeling better in the process, too). Which leads me to the area I want to tackle now: my use of time. As aware as I am of my eating and spending habits, I realize that I am still often mindless in my use of what probably constitutes my most precious resource. My to-do lists fill up with new items faster than I can actually check off items. There always seems to be too much to do, with too little time to get it done.

Or so I thought. Just like any budget and the food/exercise equation, there is nothing mysterious about time management: put some in, take some out - numbers don't lie. With the difference that we all are granted the same amount of time: 24 hours per day. If you eat too much, you can always exercise more to burn the extra calories. If you want to spend more, you can always try and increase your income. But the 24 hours a day is a fixed number. The only component of the equation we have power over is our use of time. We need to be honest about 1) the time we need to do things - many of us tend to underestimate it and 2) which things really need to be done, as opposed to the ones that are optional. 

My quest for a better use of time is far from being over. I hope to come back with insights. In the meantime, please don't hesitate to share your wisdom in the comments below!

Mindfulness this Week

How do you manage your time?

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Mindfulness - Perspective

 NancyNance, Flickr

When stuck in a rut, having a hard time experiencing gratitude, unable to find clear answers to our questions, confused about what should take priority in our lives, a simple change in perspective can help.

It struck me as I was sitting in a corner of the house I almost never "visit", on a chair I almost never use. From that standpoint, I had a completely different view of the room and of the garden outside the window. It wasn't anything I hadn't seen before, but the angle was new. It wasn't any better than my usual view, and it wasn't particularly exciting, but somehow it made me feel refreshed and serene.

Opportunities to "refresh and reframe" are everywhere if we are willing to get out of our comfort zone, or simply to slow down and notice. Trying something different and new can work wonders. So does taking the time to actually feel what is going on inside and outside of ourselves. For example, lately I have been allowing myself to stop and observe nature. If there is a pleasant sight, sound or smell, instead of going on with my day, I fully immerse myself in it, for as long as it takes to reach a state of inner joy.

In the past few weeks I had many other opportunities to reframe, ranging from the very mundane to the very distressing, and everything in between. For example:

• The various house and car problems I mentioned in my last post, which entailed both hassle and expenses.
• Being stuck on the tarmac for 2 hours waiting for the plane to be refuelled before take-off... and then experiencing a rather bumpy flight that left me with sweaty palms, numb fingertips and other manifestations of a fight or flight response.
• Learning about friends' financial and/or relationship and/or health-related problems.

All those issues helped me put other issues into perspective - suddenly it didn't matter so much if a huge pile of laundry was accumulating, or that I hadn't found the time to practice my guitar, or even that my career was kind of stalled. More urgent issues, or bigger problems, were happening around me, and all my attention was on them.

But the most important - and awakening - event was the passing of my maternal grandmother. Because she was old (98 years minus 2 days to be exact), one could assume that it was easy to accept. But it wasn't. As I said to a cousin who came to the funeral, "You're never ready to lose someone you love". It didn't matter how old she was - she was amazing, and I will miss her tremendously. 

This event forced me into a new perspective - when a loved one dies, what matters more than your sorrow? Other sources of negative emotions suddenly seemed so trivial. I had no time or energy to sweat the small stuff. What mattered was to be around friends and family, and to fully appreciate their presence. My grandmother would have approved of this reframing - if I had to list her best qualities, the number one would be her bright outlook on life. She found the positive in every situation, and got back on her feet after each setback.

I know that I will keep learning from her even if she isn't here anymore. Her unique perspective will stay with me and with everyone who had the chance to know her.

Mindfulness this Week

What event(s) have changed your perspective? Was it a good or a bad thing?

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Mindfulness - Slow Down

smlp, Flickr

"One of the best pieces of advice I ever got was from a horse master. He told me to go slow to go fast. I think that applies to everything in life. We live as though there aren't enough hours in the day but if we do each thing calmly and carefully we will get it done quicker and with much less stress." 
(Viggo Mortensen)

We have been paying more attention to our lives, and noticing our internal state as well as the external circumstances, whenever possible. We have made interesting discoveries (go back to the previous posts for some examples, both in the text and in the comments). 

Despite those efforts to apply a mindful attitude to our daily life, I am willing to bet that in most circumstances, most of us are still operating on auto-pilot. We are oblivious to many of our own feelings and sensations. We react more than we act, based on past experiences, habitual patterns, and assumptions about what constitutes the right way to live our life. If we stay on this path, no significant progress can be made. We will continue to feel tense, frustrated, inadequate, guilty.

Time to deepen our awareness.

But why "waste our time on awareness", some will think, when there are more urgent matters to take care of? Our lives are unsatisfactory (and, for many, rather hectic). We don't want to use our precious time for reflection. We want results. It's understandable.

The truth is, no real awareness, and thus no true change, is possible without first slowing down. It's hard to see clearly when your mind and body are rushing. A while ago, I had this conversation with D: 

Me: I feel like I'm running all the time, without making any progress
D: You must be running in the wrong direction

Those sage words left me pensive. Running in the wrong direction sounds like a deplorable waste of time and energy, doesn't it? I have a feeling it is precisely what most of us are doing. But how can we really tell unless we first slow down?

I will admit that slowing down is hard, especially in a society like ours. Being busy and/or rushed is worn like a badge of honor. Don't we feel somewhat suspicious of people who don't have much to do? Don't we look down on them? Even if it was out of envy?

Add to that the speed technology has gotten us used to (the speed at which images change on TV and in movies, the speed at which we access information and each other), and it's no wonder our minds and bodies feel so frantic. I have stopped counting the number of friends and family members who have told me that "yoga is too slow" for them, let alone meditation. I don't think it's an idiosyncrasy; I think it's a reflection of our society's hasty pace. It takes time to get used to go slow.

"But I don't have time to slow down", many will say. I get that. Believe me, I do. I work full-time on top of trying to kick start my freelance writing business and training for races; I have two kids, three pets, a house and a big yard. If you asked me how often I feel on top of things, I would reply without hesitation: "never". But I have also noticed that rushing made no significant difference. Worse, it sometimes creates additional problems.

Driving fast, for example, will save you one or two minutes at best, but will raise your stress level and put you more at risk for accidents. The same applies to most daily activities: eating fast, talking fast, brushing your teeth fast... it doesn't really give you more time, but more importantly, it's stressful for your mind and body. What happens when you rush all day? Eventually, you collapse. You collapse on your couch each night, bag of chips in hand, and mindlessly surf the channels until bed time. You collapse mentally and can't focus at work or can't handle daily stresses (e.g. your kids drive you crazy). A burnout is around the corner. You collapse physically and get ill. 

Here's my long-distance runner piece of advice: pace yourself so you can last. When you slow down, you don't accomplish less. In fact, you may very well accomplish more; by doing things at a realistic pace and paying attention to what's going on, you don't get to the exhausted state (mentally, physically), which in turn means that you don't need to "compensate" with your usual addictions, whatever they are (eating, drinking, smoking, shopping, gaming, etc.)

In addition, most things benefit from being done slower:

• eat slower, drink slower (so you know when you're full)
• talk slower (so you have time to think it over; also, listen more)
• read slower (so that ideas make their way to your mind)
• walk slower (so you notice the beauty around you)
• make love slower (so you enjoy it better)
• etc.

If speed was what matters the most, we wouldn't take the time to sip on coffee. We would pop a caffeine pill and go on with our day. 

How does this apply to other aspects of your life?

Mindfulness this Week

This week, do something slower. It doesn't matter what it is. Pick something and systematically do it slower, with more awareness. Tell us how it felt!

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Mindfulness - Why?

BuzzFarmers, Flickr

''From a mindfulness point of view, 
we all have attention deficit disorder.'' 

(Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche)

Year after year, it's the same. We end the year reveling in excesses, we start the year making resolutions. Resolutions that, most often than not, will be reduced to distant memories just weeks into the new year - just look at how jam packed gyms become in January... only to quiet down by February. Even those of us who don't explicitly formulate resolutions could easily identify areas of their life where an improvement is called for, but fails to materialize.

This leaves us with two questions:

1) Why do so many of us feel the need to make resolutions?
    (Why do so many of us hope and plan to improve their lives?)

2) Why do so many of us fail at keeping those resolutions?
    (Why do so many of us fall short of implementing change?)

The reason we make resolutions is simple: Our life is not up to our expectations. We don't reach our goals. (Sometimes, we don't even know what our goals are.) We feel like we should have control over our existence, yet we keep steering it in the wrong direction, by making the wrong choices - big and small. We don't feel good about ourselves, or not often enough. Something is off. We want change. We want improvement.

The reason resolutions fail is more perplexing. We really do want to lose weight, stop smoking, spend less time in front of a screen and more time with our loved ones. We really do want to live a purposeful, fulfilling life in line with our values. We are full of great intentions.

The problem is one of mindfulness: we try to implement change but we fail to inspect our life genuinely to determine what, precisely, is at the bottom of our dissatisfactions and bad habits. Why exactly do we feel crummy? Why do we compensate with food, alcohol, shopping, or video games? 

This is where mindfulness comes into play. Mindfulness holds the key to a satisfying life that truly resembles us.  Embracing mindfulness might have a phenomenal impact on your life because it's been shown to make a difference in so many areas. For example, mindful eating would advantageously replace any diet. Implementing mindfulness in the workplace would significantly reduce stress, increase creativity and performance, improve interactions and decision-making, with the bonus of happiness and well-being.

Something tells me that mindfulness might be the ultimate resource and inspiration we need to tap into.

Mindfulness this Week

This week we will slowly acquaint ourselves with mindfulness. We will keep it very simple for now. Our only goal will be to pay more attention, to become more aware of what's going on. Every time we have a chance, we will ask ourselves: What is going on right now, outside of me and inside of me? We will welcome any answer that comes up. We will observe the sensations that emerge. There will be no judgement, no analysis, no further questions. We will simply state, for ourselves, how we feel this right moment... then we will continue with the rest of our day.

Let's begin right now. How do you feel at the moment? Take a moment to assess your internal state and the external situation. Then continue with the rest of your day.

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The Less is More Project: Week 32 - Materialism VS Happiness

Davidd, Flickr

"They look happier than I've ever been. Is it living simply that I'm looking for?" 

(Levin, in Anna Karenina.)

We might know it, sometimes it doesn't hurt to remind ourselves of what does and does not foster happiness.

And what better way to do it than watch a documentary on happiness? In 75 minutes, "Happy" takes you around the world and into the offices of the big names in "happiness writing", such as Sonja Lyubomirsky, Mihaly Csikszentmihaly, Matthieu Ricard, and the Dalai Lama.

What are the first things we learn? That there are some big traps in the pursuit of happiness. They include pursuing goals such as money, fame and beauty. According to research, none of those, past an initial but ephemeral thrill, will significantly increase your happiness. Imagine: there would be no notable difference in happiness between the person who makes $50,000 a year and the one who makes $5,000,000. As long as you don't live below the poverty line (which would imply struggling to fulfill basic needs such as shelter and food), you are fine! How's that for evidence toward the relevance of minimalism. And if status and physical appearance don't really cut it either, there suddenly is a lot of room in your life for... simplicity.

Now you might wonder what has been shown to increase happiness levels! Here it is:

• fun (to play, to laugh)
• physical activity
• nature
• purpose
• change
• social interactions (and a strong social circle)
• cooperation
• helping others
• working reasonable amounts

To this I would add creativity (any art form will do) and meditation.

WEEK 32 IN REVIEW

I realized this week that there are a few things in the house I might never replace once they run out. Namely:

• Traditional cleaning products. We already don't use many, I don't see why I would ever buy anything else but vinegar, lemon juice and baking soda, since they work so well.
• Shampoo. Baking soda has been my shampoo for months now, and I am not going back. My hair is much shinier, and easier to style.
• Scented products. And environmentally-unfriendly products in general. My soaps, detergents and such are slightly more expensive, but they keep my family and the planet healthy.

Your turn to share about your struggles and victories of the week! What did you resist? Did you donate or get rid of anything? Did you face any challenge? Please comment below! And...

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The Less is More Project: Week 24 - The elephant in the room

digitalART2, Flickr

I have been wanting to tackle this topic for a few weeks now, but I kept postponing. Why? Let's be honest, procrastination usually stems from some form of dread.

I have been dreading this topic because once I write about it, there is no going back: I will be accountable to the readers of the blog, some of which are close friends and family who can easily monitor whether I am doing the right thing or not.

This is scary, but it is also necessary. Being accountable is one of the best ways to implement change in one's life.

If you have been reading this blog for a while, you know that mindfulness is central to my approach to life in general, and to this Less is More project in particular. More than a way to declutter and save money, this project has been a way to refocus, recenter, redefine my priorities, simplify my life, and generally feel better.

All in all, decluttering my house and curbing my spending has been relatively easy. I adopted a more mindful approach toward stuff in the same way that I had adopted a mindful approach toward my physical health (through exercising and healthy eating), and in the same way that I had adopted a mindful approach toward my mental health (through relationships, work-life balance and meditation). (For more on those topics, browse the blog by using the Search tool on the right-hand side.)

Many wonderful things happen when you become mindful: your life looks like the life you want to have. You feel content. Satisfied. Fulfilled. Enthusiastic. Energetic. Peaceful. Truly, mindfulness is a panacea. Some things, however, are easier to be mindful about than others. We all have an elephant in the room. 

Mine is my Internet use.

It all started very nicely: the Internet is a wonderful way to keep up with current events (especially when you very rarely watch TV, like me), to read everything on the topics you are passionate about, and to stay in touch with friends. In addition, the Internet offers very convenient tools such as interactive maps, dictionaries, and various apps. Obviously, I also use the Internet for work: email is my primary way of networking and communicating with my - numerous - clients on a daily basis. Most of my work resources are online as well. I have also used the Internet to find inspiration and to publish my writing (for example, see here, here... and of course, this blog).

Because the Internet is so central to many positive things in my life, it has been hard to draw the line between reasonable use and excessive use. Just like overeating, and unlike, say, smoking, overusing the Internet poses the extra challenge that you cannot completely eliminate it from your life. Using the Internet might not be a "basic need" like eating, some people (including me) still rely on it for the major part of their income. Even when I am not online per se, I am typing away on the computer for work-related purposes. Stepping away from it, in my case, would signify the end of a big chunk of my translating/editing/writing career. It's not an option.

So. Internet has to stay. The problem is, I often find myself overdoing the online presence. I will go check my email or write a blog post... and end up wasting an extra hour reading all kinds of articles (which I then "have to" repost on social media, of course). Most things I read are "intelligent" and help me learn and grow. Sometimes, they are humoristic and entertaining; hey, we all need to unwind and have fun. Still, that time spent in front of the screen is time I don't have for other things.

I know I am not the only one struggling with my use of technology. This is partly why I decided to share my thoughts today. Many of us are addicted to one form of technology or another. In a lot of cases, what should have been used as a tool has become a crutch or even a drug. If you or anybody you know spends hours on end watching TV, have a hard time putting down their phone or cannot imagine life without video games... we are on the same boat: technology addicted. We have been swallowed by the black hole. As of today I want to extirpate myself from it - or at least regain my control over it.

Being mindful does not mean everything will suddenly improve drastically. Knowing you eat or drink too much, for example, is only the first step toward improvement. But it is a necessary step. Over the next few weeks I will be making conscious efforts to limit my use of the Internet. I know I will experience both success and setbacks. But what matters is that I am setting this in motion.

What is YOUR elephant in the room?

WEEK 24 IN REVIEW


Donations (good riddance)

Have you ever really addressed the small things in your house? Pens, paper clips, nails and screws, small utensils and tools, lip balm tubs, earrings and the like might not take a lot of space, they do create clutter. How do you organize yours? And how many do you really need?

I am slowly getting rid of anything belonging to the "small things" category that I don't really use or like. You should give it a try!


Observations and cogitations

The weather has been (and will be, judging by the forecast) glorious. It reminds me, once more, that simple things such as sunlight, wind in the trees, bird songs, colorful flowers and the scent of fresh cut grass or pine trees are enough to fill me with joy. Why do we even bother looking past those wonders? Why do we fail to notice those wonders in the first place?



Your turn to share about your struggles and victories of the week! What did you resist? Did you donate or get rid of anything? Did you face any challenge? Please comment below! And...

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The Less is More Project: Week 11 - The toughest time of your life

Diloz, Flickr

After last week's post on the happiest time of your life, it occurred to me that reflecting back on our toughest times could also have enlightening effects. And so I started asking people around me: "When was the toughest time of your life?"


The answers fell into 2 main categories: 

1) big life transitions

2) relationship issues

3) unfulfilled basic needs


Whether it's a long-distance move, a change in jobs, a change in income, a big exam (D listed the weeks leading his pre-doctoral comprehensive exam as being particularly unpleasant, and I have to admit putting the final touches to my Master's thesis was not a highlight of my life), life transitions - even positive ones - are the source of significant stress. As for relationships, they are at the core of our well-being: a healthy social circle has innumerable benefits, whereas conflict and disrespect can drag down the happiest person. 

Unfulfilled basic needs: although it was not a common answer (this is privileged North America, after all), some of the people I talked to evoked unfulfilled basic needs as a source of great stress. Whether it's your health failing, or another type of "collapse", this confirms what we all knew about the importance of food, water, shelter and safety. Like many others, I felt very stressed during the big ice storm of 1998: we had no power for 3 weeks under freezing conditions. Staying warm and fed and safe had become a challenge.

What I have learned is that hardship has to be worth it: if the effort and stress eventually lead to a significant improvement in your well-being, then by all means go for it. Getting out of our comfort zone is the only way to move forward. As long as we keep in mind that we will not reap the benefits immediately. As for relationships, I have learned to stay away from drama, and invest in the ones that are healthy and mostly pleasant. There should be no room in your life for people who don't treat you right, whoever they are. Finally, I have learned to protect my basic needs and those of the people I care about. Sometimes, being fed and warm and dry and well-rested is all that really matters.


Have you noticed those trends in your life? What lessons have you learned from the difficult times you might have experienced?



WEEK 11 IN REVIEW


Temptations

A few weeks ago, after a big snow storm and the ensuing shoveling, I took the kids to the nearest coffee shop for a well-deserved hot chocolate and doughnuts. This is not something we do more than, maybe, twice a year, mostly for health reasons. It felt like a real treat. As my youngest daughter "rolled up the rim" of her disposable cup (another reason I don't like those places), she discovered with great excitement that she had won another hot beverage. 

Since then, she has been asking when we would go back to claim our "prize". 

We finally went this week. And what had to happen happened: there were 3 of us, so I purchased 3 drinks. Meaning I had to pay for 2 of them. I resisted the doughnuts, and the total amount was very reasonable. Still, it was a blatant example of how marketing gets you to spend more than you were initially planning. We are not regular patrons of that coffee shop. We were not going to go. Winning a free drink is what took us there.

I made sure to make the kids aware of that phenomenon. After all, they are the consumers of tomorrow. We had a very interesting conversation on the way back.

Donations (good riddance)

I took a look at the top of my dresser and what I saw didn't please me: piles of books, old receipts, jewelry of all sorts. I decided to tackle it. Interesting how a couple square feet of junk can keep you busy for a while. This must be why the experts of decluttering usually recommend focusing on one drawer at a time. Planning for more would be sure to leave you overwhelmed. In any case, the top of my dresser is now wonderfully bare, and I will make some people very happy with the books and necklaces I discarded. As for the receipts, except for the most expensive purchases, they are gone. Another perk of not shopping: no receipts to get rid of!


Observations

The smallest things have the power to drag us down. Cleaning only one small area of my house made me realize what a difference a little bit of decluttering can make, and that small objects (books, papers, jewelry, cosmetics, pens, etc.) do become invasive.

Your turn! Pick one drawer or shelf to clear this week. 

Tell us how it went.

Cogitations

My friend and neighbor M called me in the late afternoon on Saturday. Would I like to come over for a glass of wine after supper, she asked. "I'm in my PJs", I shamelessly replied. I had just come back from a run with oldest daughter, taken a shower, and decreed it PJ time: I was not planning on going anywhere that night. "Not a problem", M replied. "I am also wearing my PJs". That sealed it. A few hours later, I was happily walking over to her place in my fleece drawstring pants. She greeted me dressed similarly. We sat on her couch and chatted the evening away like two teenagers. It was great.

It's all in the small things...

What did you resist this week? Did you donate or get rid of anything? Did you face any challenge? Please comment below! And...

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