Mindfulness - It will change your life

Cea, Flickr

Once upon a time, tired of lugging around extra weight from my pregnancies, and unable to lose it no matter how hard I tried, I opted for a time-consuming method I had put all my remaining hopes in: journaling my food intake (each and every bite), journaling my exercise (each and every workout), and finding someone to hold me accountable of it all (a personal trainer - but it could have been a friend or family member). In one word, I forced myself to be mindful of my caloric input and output. Guess what? It worked. By the end of the year (I like to make my projects last a year), not only had I lost the weight, I had also improved my strength, flexibility and cardio, enough to run half-marathons and participate in Spartan races. I felt amazing.

In 2015, I decided to tackle another goal, which was to regain control of my relationship with money and stuff. I was NOT drowning in debt. I was NOT a hoarder. I had NO intention of making a vow of poverty. I DID like my job. But I felt the need to shed some light on my spending and owning habits. My hope was that this new awareness would enable me to tailor my use of money and ownership of goods to my true needs (as opposed to the needs advertisement tells us we have), which would hopefully have a positive impact on my wallet, the environment, and my peace of mind. To make sure the change was significant, I committed to a form of minimalism: buying absolutely nothing but necessities (e.g. food) for a year. During that non-spending year I also got rid (mostly by donating) of a lot of objects I wasn't using. It ended up being easier and more enjoyable than I had imagined. I felt like I was no longer falling for the false needs put forward in advertisement: I became acutely aware of how marketing preys on us. Being surrounded by less things through decluttering also made me feel lighter. The process made my spending and owning intentional. Even if the "no spending year" is over, I remain very mindful of my relationship to money and stuff. In stores I act as if I was in a museum: if I see something beautiful, I admire it, then walk away from it. The fact that I love an object and/or that its "price is right" is no reason to purchase it. I don't bring anything in the house unless it fulfills a true need.

This year, as I keep striving to increase my overall levels of mindfulness (in the hope that it will make me a happier AND more responsible citizen), I started meditating daily, which led to both good and "bad" outcomes (for more on that, see my article on Tiny Buddha). In the process, I put new issues under the magnifying glass. One example: in the first few months of 2016, I tracked my moods and physical states and made adjustments accordingly. This has led me to increase my sleep intake while I practically eliminated caffeine intake, among other things. It also changed my approach to the media, relationships, work, self-worth, and a panoply of other issues. One important discovery was that more often than not, I need to slow down and put less pressure on myself. It may seem counter-intuitive, but adopting a slower pace and practicing self-care and awareness has actually helped me accomplish more, or more of what really matters (feeling better in the process, too). Which leads me to the area I want to tackle now: my use of time. As aware as I am of my eating and spending habits, I realize that I am still often mindless in my use of what probably constitutes my most precious resource. My to-do lists fill up with new items faster than I can actually check off items. There always seems to be too much to do, with too little time to get it done.

Or so I thought. Just like any budget and the food/exercise equation, there is nothing mysterious about time management: put some in, take some out - numbers don't lie. With the difference that we all are granted the same amount of time: 24 hours per day. If you eat too much, you can always exercise more to burn the extra calories. If you want to spend more, you can always try and increase your income. But the 24 hours a day is a fixed number. The only component of the equation we have power over is our use of time. We need to be honest about 1) the time we need to do things - many of us tend to underestimate it and 2) which things really need to be done, as opposed to the ones that are optional. 

My quest for a better use of time is far from being over. I hope to come back with insights. In the meantime, please don't hesitate to share your wisdom in the comments below!

Mindfulness this Week

How do you manage your time?

Be part of the process: 

Submit your comments below

Become a follower of the blog/subscribe by email (top left corner of this page)

Follow me on Facebook (click here)

Follow me on Twitter (click here)

Mindfulness - Getting rid of bad habits

Schnappischnap, Flickr

Bad habits. We form them, we maintain them, we curse them. They make our life miserable yet we fail at getting rid of them.

Very few of us could claim to have complete control over what they put in their mouth or what they do with their time, energy and money. Outside, stronger-than-us forces seem to be at play. This is not without consequences for our health, well-being and overall enjoyment of life.

There is a whole market based on helping people get rid of their bad habits. Or, more aptly put, there is a whole market based on making money out of people's dissatisfaction with their bad habits. Most of us are desperately looking for a way to get our life back on track, and most of us are willing to open our wallet in the process, whether we purchase goods or services that offer the promise of a better life. Nutritional supplements, kitchen equipment, storage systems, various accessories, training equipment, programs... they seem to hold the way to our individual holy grail, so we succumb and, over a lifetime, pour hundreds or thousands of dollars into them. Look around yourself and at your credit card statement... most likely you will see things that you purchased in the hope of a better life. Has it worked? Have you lost the weight? Have you reached your goal, whatever it is?

There is also a whole market based on making money out of creating and maintaining bad habits - ask any cigarette or junk food manufacturer, or any casino or shopping mall owner. 

But if dishing out money isn't the solution to getting rid of bad habits, what is? To find an answer to that, we must first identify our most common mistake.

When tackling our bad habits, we tend to focus on the future: in the future I will get rid of this habit. Beginning tomorrow, or January first, or when I turn forty, I will (fill in the blank):

• eat healthy
• exercise daily
• stop smoking
• stop drinking
• consume less caffeine
• go to bed earlier
• only buy what I need
• save money/get out of debt
• get rid of a tic (e.g. biting nails)
• control my temper
• invest in good relationships
• get organized 
• stop procrastinating
• get started on that book I want to write
• meditate daily
• ditch video games
• spend less time on social media

After trying to implement change, and seeing that it failed, as it unfortunately most often does, we move to the next step: we try again. It usually fails again. A quick look at the statistics for smoking cessation or weight loss and maintenance will illustrate that clearly. 

Trying and trying might (if we're lucky) take us closer to our goal, it still doesn't tackle the root of the problem, which is: 

Why did we make that bad habit in the first place? 

There is always a reason. Our bad habits don't fall from the sky randomly - they serve a purpose. As long as the purpose is there, our bad habits will thrive. At best we will replace a bad habit with another. But we cannot hope to free ourselves from bad habits as long as we don't stop and think about their origins.

Before we even look at HOW we can change our life, we need to ask ourselves WHY we are not living the life we want to live, WHY we are not reaching our goals, WHY we keep self-sabotaging.

Before we look at the future, we must first determine what, in our past, contributed to the formation of the bad habit, and what, in our present, helps crystallize it, day after day:

What happened in my past that led me to adopt this habit? 

What happens on a daily basis right before I engage in the behavior?

Mindfulness this Week


When I find myself engaging (or about to engage) in a habit I am trying to get rid of, I will ask myself what preceded it:

What happened right before I engaged in the bad habit? What was going on? How was I feeling?

Is this a common pattern for me?

What, in my past, might be the source of this pattern?

Tell us what you come up with.

Be part of the process: 


Submit your comments below

Become a follower of the blog/subscribe by email (top left corner of this page)

Follow me on Facebook (click here)

Follow me on Twitter (click here)

The Less is More Project: Week 47 - Home stretch

Steven Depolo, Flickr

One month until Christmas, and less than six weeks to the New Year. The American Thanksgiving and Black Friday constitute "shopping season kickoff": retailers typically earn a generous portion of their yearly income right before and during the holidays. Meanwhile, simple consumers like you and I dish out an equally generous amount of money from their pockets - or, more precisely, from lending entities (credit card debt, anyone?).

On top of the expenses incurred, many factors contribute to our heightened levels of stress in times when we should either be celebrating, reflecting on the year that's ending, or preparing the one to come.

We are stressed because we want the house to feel, look, smell and sound warm and welcoming for family and friends. But who has time to clean and decorate? 

We are stressed because we want to put special foods and drinks on the table. But what if we don't enjoy cooking and baking? 

We are stressed because we want to find the perfect present for that someone special (or those "someones specials", in many cases). But why are some people so hard to please? (And what about those who "already have everything"?)

We are stressed because we want to look good for the holidays. But shopping for clothes is exhausting, and good hairstylists aren't cheap. 

We are stressed because of all the other season-specific obligations, be they work or family related.

Wasn't this supposed to be the season to be jolly? 

Or was this intended to mean a "jolly ole bag of nerves"? Because if so, we are being remarkable at it.

It doesn't have to be that way. This year, I am delighted to have been invited to contribute to Bethany Rosselit's initiative, the Simplify the Season calendar. Along with other, bigger names such as Adyashanti, Seth Godin, and Tara Brach, I wrote a piece on how to "Simplify the Season". 

To receive the calendar (which will entitle you to all the Simplify the Season articles), you simply have to subscribe via this link, after which you will receive one post per day during the holiday season (beginning this Friday). Bethany has set the price at the pocket change amount of $2. If you were to chose to donate more, the entirety (100%) of the proceeds will be forwarded to an entrepreneur in a third-world country (more details to come on onlinelifecoaching.info). Because 'tis the season for sharing, isn't it?

Bethany Rosselit, onlinelifecoaching.info

WEEK 47 IN REVIEW

I set foot in a shopping mall! Christmas is coming, and the children will receive presents this year as any other year. To simplify the shopping, we asked them to make a list, and to review the first draft to come up with the items they really, really want. 

Then we put said list through the "four gift rule", and decided to get them: 

1. Something they want (a toy/game of their choice - right now they are obsessed with Lego)
2. Something they need (new, good quality mitts for the harsh Canadian winter to come, for example)
3. Something to wear (they grow so fast that it won't be a luxury)
4. Something to read (easy, since they both put specific books on their lists)

And then some chocolate, because Christmas is not Christmas without chocolate.

Whereas between us adults, instead of gifts we will offer each other some quality time: going out to a restaurant or to see a play, for example (but hush! the details are a secret!)

Your turn to share about your struggles and victories of the week! What did you resist? Did you donate or get rid of anything? Did you face any challenge? Please comment below! And...

Become a follower of the blog/subscribe by email (top left corner of this page)!

Follow me on Facebook (click here)!

Follow me on Twitter (click here)!

The Less is More Project: Week 37 - Is it your duty to shop? And a new goal!

J0sh, Flickr

After the 9-11 events, in a "business as usual" kind of approach, George W. Bush enjoined the U.S. nation to "go shopping". Life had to get back to normal, and for a large number of Americans, "normal" could be equated with shopping: 

"Most people in developed societies spend large percentages of their waking hours shopping, preparing to shop, or being urged to do so." (Thomas Hine, I Want That! How we all Became Shoppers)

Shopping is indeed at the core of the North American culture and economy. In fact, when it comes to minimalism, a common worry is that if everyone stopped shopping, the economy would collapse:

"If everyone became a minimalist, then we’d all be doomed: the financial system as it stands today would collapse, and no longer would we have the wealth necessary to purchase cheap plastic shit from Walmart." (Joshua Fields Millburn & Ryan Nicodemus on The Minimalists website)

The theory goes along those lines: shopping stimulates economic growth, and economic growth is good, so make sure you shop.

Today's question is: 

Do you owe it to your country's economy to go shopping? 

That shopping stimulates the economy is not up for debate. That economic growth is desirable, however, is questionable. The proponents of economic growth usually base their enthusiasm on the premise that economic growth is both beneficial and harmless. But is that really the case?

Focusing on growth at all costs obscures its limitations and, more importantly, the precise costs that inevitably come with it:

"Our measures of growth are deeply flawed in that they are purely measures of activity in the monetized economy. Expanded use of cigarettes and alcohol increases economic output both as a direct consequence of their consumption and because of the related increase in health care needs. The need to clean up oil spills generates economic activity. Gun sales to minors generate economic activity. A divorce generates both lawyers fees and the need to buy or rent and outfit a new home-increasing real estate brokerage fees and retail sales. It is now well documented that in the United States and a number of other countries the quality of living of ordinary people has been declining as aggregate economic output increases [...] All too often what growth in GNP really measures is the rate at which the economically powerful are expropriating the resources of the economically weak in order to convert them into products that all too quickly become the garbage of the rich." (Based on When Corporations Rule the World by David C. Korten)

We have seen, in the past decade, what happens when people respond enthusiastically to the invitation to consume goods, big and small (think houses, among other things): a recession in due form, with all the problems that come with it: 

""We have more will than wallet," the president's father said in 1989 during his own inaugural address. That is again painfully true today. The 2008 election finds the Pentagon cupboard bare, the U.S. Treasury depleted, the economy in disarray and the average American household feeling acute distress. Profligacy at home and profligacy abroad have combined to produce a grave crisis. This time around, telling Americans to head for Disney World won't work. The credit card's already maxed out, and the banks are refusing to pony up for new loans." (The Washington Post) 

As of August 2015, the average consumer debt was still $15,000 in the U.S. More precisely: 

"U.S. household consumer debt profile:

• Average credit card debt: $15,706
• Average mortgage debt: $156,333
• Average student loan debt: $32,953"

(Nerd Wallet)

It is obvious that shopping is not the solution to anything, and we haven't even talked about the environmental impact yet.

For an increasing number of researchers, whether or not our economy thrives is losing relevance as the environment shows more and more signs of an upcoming disaster (which, needless to say, will affect the economy as well):

"The perpetual growth myth [...] promotes the impossible idea that indiscriminate economic growth is the cure for all the world's problems, while it is actually the disease that is at the root cause of our unsustainable global practices."
(collective of Blue Planet environmental prize winners) 

Perhaps, then, the main problem isn't what decreasing consumption will do to the economy as we know it, but what not decreasing consumption has already been shown to do to our own well-being and that of the planet:

"We should be more than skeptical of an economic model that calls on us to give up all loyalty to place and community, says we must give free reign to securities fraud and corporate monopolies and deny workers the right to organize, and tells the poor to run faster and faster after a train they have no chance of catching—so that a few hundred thousand people can become multi-millionaires by destroying nature and depriving others of a decent means of livelihood." (Based on When Corporations Rule the World by David C. Korten)

Think you are not to blame, and that big corporations are the culprit? Of course they are. But each and every time we open our wallet or type in our credit card number, we "vote" for this consumerist system that is so detrimental to all living things, humans included. Without us supporting them, the unethical corporations would not survive very long. This is yet another reason why I have become so circumspect in the way I spend my money.

Alternatives

If economic growth, stimulated by shopping, is neither beneficial nor harmless, then what are the alternatives?

In the event that everybody decides to ditch shopping, the economy as we know it will certainly collapse, but it will give rise to another type of economy that we have yet to discover. An already existing parallel economy might grow : 

"Parallel economy [...] encompasses areas such as household food cultivation, home construction and renovation, and community initiatives such as barter and bulk buying." (Juliet B. Schor, True Wealth)

As they embrace minimalism, people will spend money they do have on things they can afford, focusing on experiences more than objects, and investing in local economies:

"Minimalists invest in experiences over possessions. Travel, indie concerts, vacations, community theater, etc.: we can all spend money without acquiring new material things [...] Minimalists support local businesses. Local, indie shops tend to be less motivated by profit." (The Minimalists) 

In any case, we will all benefit from such a shift:

"We're at a crucial point in history. We cannot have fast cars, computers the size of credit cards, and modern conveniences, while simultaneously having clean air, abundant rainforests, fresh drinking water, and a stable climate [...] Gadgetry or nature? Pick the wrong one and the next generation may have neither. (Mark Boyle, The Moneyless Man - A Year of Freeconomic Living)

Additional reading: The Growth Illusion: how economic growth has enriched the few, impoverished the many and endangered the planet, by Richard Douthwaite.

WEEK 37 IN REVIEW... AND A NEW GOAL!

One of the last things that needed to be decluttered in my house was the bar and cellar. Your belongings should mirror your lifestyle; it turns out that hard liquors are not something we consume, and neither do our friends and family members, with some rare exceptions. Once the bottles are finished (who knows when that will happen), I have decided I will not replace them. As for wine, it seems like our tastes don't match that of the people we hang out with either, and that the custom here is for everyone to BYOB (as opposed to me ceremoniously uncorking a meticulously picked bottle and serving everyone). So. I will still pair my nicest meals with my favourite wines, but I will not maintain a collection.

Drum roll... new goal!!!

I have been thinking hard about what should be ditched from my life. What is superfluous, and causes me more grief than good? The answer was not what I expected:

Sugar.

Sugar hurts me.

Sugar has to go.

In coming up with that I did not have to read any articles or rely on any theory about the "evils of sugar". Here I am relying solely on my own gut feeling (literally): when I eat sugar, I feel crappy. And for that valid reason, I will say "goodbye, sugar!" Here is the rule of thumb: any food (except for fruit) that contains more than 5 grams of sugar per portion will be off-limits. Based on my observations, that should get rid of most desserts, plus unhealthy breakfasts, sweet snacks and drinks. I will refrain from drinking fruit juice as well (even the "no sugar added type"), simply because it also makes me feel crappy.

I will let you know how that goes! I'm expecting it will be as follows:
1) Cranky
2) Very cranky
3) Extremely cranky
4) Less cranky
5) Barely cranky
6) Feeling awesome


Your turn to share about your struggles and victories of the week! What did you resist? Did you donate or get rid of anything? Did you face any challenge? Please comment below! And...

Become a follower of the blog/subscribe by email (top left corner of this page)!

Follow me on Facebook (click here)!

Follow me on Twitter (click here)!

The Less is More Project: Week 9 - What I have learned in 2 months

kern.justin, Flickr

"Simplicity is not about deprivation. Simplicity is about greater appreciation for things that really matter." (Becoming Minimalist)


As it was to be expected, in the midst of a lot of enthusiasm, this project has also generated a little bit of healthy skepticism. Some readers have questioned the whys, the hows, and the scope of this project. 

I am fine with that reaction. Such a project is bound to provoke debate! You will elicit similar reactions if you become a vegetarian, train for a marathon, or make any other uncommon choice. (Click here for a food and fitness-related example.)

In addition to referring you back to my first post of the project, which offers some insight as to why I embarked on it in the first place (click here), today I want to revisit the various reasons why people are drawn to minimalism: 


Clutter: feeling overwhelmed by the amount and/or size of the stuff we own, including real estate, vehicles, and objects of all types

Debt: (self-explanatory)

Social/environmental awareness: the realization that our day to day lifestyle has a significant, harmful impact on both the planet in general and its inhabitants in particular

Lack of purpose/meaningfulness: feeling that our life is a whirlwind of acquiring money (through work) and spending money (through shopping and entertainment) without much consideration for what really "speaks" to us, such as relationships we cherish and hobbies we are passionate about

Stress: created by some or all of the above


In my case, the main reason I embarked on this project was to develop mindfulness and intentionality. I wanted to regain full consciousness of what I spend my time, energy, space and money on. I wanted to determine whether it fits my values and priorities and whether it is conducive to my (and others') well-being. 

I do not want to be the automaton of consumerism.

If the planet was doing just fine, and if all humans were treated fairly, I would still embark on this project.

If I had all the space in the world, I would still embark on this project. (As of now I am realizing that my house is indeed too big for my needs, and offers too much storage.)

If I was extremely wealthy, I would still embark on this project. Saving money, as I have said before, is NOT the main goal of this project. (Interestingly, some well-intentioned readers have been kindly suggesting ways for me to acquire stuff at a good price. I appreciate, and thank you, but this is not why I'm doing it.)

It is once I had more that I became interested in having less. 

Sometimes you have to fulfill the "material dream" to realize its absurdity:

• I have noticed that accumulating stuff does not make me happier (it actually can make me LESS happy).
• I have noticed that the high I get from acquiring stuff does not last.
• I have noticed that I am perfectly content with very little (in situations such as wilderness camping, for example).
• I have noticed that sometimes, I'd rather work a little bit less, have a little bit less money... and gain a little bit more time instead.
• I have realized that we cannot keep on blaming "others" for the state of the planet: each of us has to make some changes. We are not big companies. But we can vote with our wallet, and force big companies to revisit their approaches.

I don't think my approach quite qualifies as ascetic. I still own way more than one outfit, one bowl and one cot. I still value pleasure (and, in some instances, I still want to indulge in luxury). For the most part, I think I am an adept of Epicureanism in its most classical sense: I want to avoid pain and emotional disturbance; the pursuit of pleasure is fine as long as it respects the criterion of moderation.

When you allow yourself treats in moderation, you avoid potential noxious side effects (think overspending, overeating, overdrinking and the like) and you maximize the enjoyment (occasional treats are more enjoyable that constant, mindless indulgences). 

As a dietitian once told me: there is nothing wrong with having chocolate ice cream once in a while. But if you are going to do it, make sure you fully appreciate it: sit down, take your time, focus on the taste and texture. Do nothing else. Give it your full attention.

I have a feeling that too often, we are on autopilot: we consume things that don't really provide us with significant enjoyment. If we become aware of that, we will be able to refocus our resources (again, in time, energy, space and money) on the things that we truly, highly enjoy, while cutting down on the things that don't make such a positive difference in our lives.

WEEK 9 IN REVIEW


Temptations

Saturday morning, I get a phone call. It's D. He's been running some errands, has some extra time ahead of him before R's next basketball game, and wants to know if there's anything else I need. "I don't think so", I say. "I already gave you my little list" (which consisted of a receipt book for my business, and a new phone because ours, after years of loyal service, just died). I am pretty sure we don't need anything else. Yet I hesitate. Here I am trying to come up with something we might "need". Enough already! We don't need anything at all.


Donations (good riddance)

Have you seen the link to "Let's Play a Minimalism Game" I posted on HappinessSavouredHot' Facebook page? If you are a "beginner", this is a superb ideas by The Minimalists to get you started on decluttering. The idea is to get rid of one item on the first of the month, two items on the second, three items on the third, and so on. March is a great month to go for it as it has 31 days!!! If you follow the plan, by the end of this month you should be 496 items lighter (or an average of 16 discarded items per day). Scary? For sure. Useful? You bet.

This week I got rid of:

a very old T-shirt, a couple of pens that don't work, a dozen of small toys that my kids don't use, and another pile of books.


Observations

Turns out that baking soda is indeed a panacea! I was already using it to clean the house, but had yet to use it on myself. I tried it as an alternative to shampoo, deodorant and body scrub. Verdict: it works as a charm. I particularly like it as shampoo because it leaves my hair shinier and easier to comb than regular shampoo (I use a pea-size amount of conditioner and it suffices). Try it!


Cogitations

I was thinking about my post on houses. I kind of idealize smaller houses, but there is one big limitation: I really want my kids to each have their own bedroom - especially now that they are both in their preteen years. If you have any experience or insight on this, please share! 

What did you resist this week? Did you donate or get rid of anything? Did you face any challenge? Please comment below! And...

Become a follower of the blog/subscribe by email (top left corner of this page)!

Follow me on Facebook (click here)!