Mindfulness - Why?

BuzzFarmers, Flickr

''From a mindfulness point of view, 
we all have attention deficit disorder.'' 

(Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche)

Year after year, it's the same. We end the year reveling in excesses, we start the year making resolutions. Resolutions that, most often than not, will be reduced to distant memories just weeks into the new year - just look at how jam packed gyms become in January... only to quiet down by February. Even those of us who don't explicitly formulate resolutions could easily identify areas of their life where an improvement is called for, but fails to materialize.

This leaves us with two questions:

1) Why do so many of us feel the need to make resolutions?
    (Why do so many of us hope and plan to improve their lives?)

2) Why do so many of us fail at keeping those resolutions?
    (Why do so many of us fall short of implementing change?)

The reason we make resolutions is simple: Our life is not up to our expectations. We don't reach our goals. (Sometimes, we don't even know what our goals are.) We feel like we should have control over our existence, yet we keep steering it in the wrong direction, by making the wrong choices - big and small. We don't feel good about ourselves, or not often enough. Something is off. We want change. We want improvement.

The reason resolutions fail is more perplexing. We really do want to lose weight, stop smoking, spend less time in front of a screen and more time with our loved ones. We really do want to live a purposeful, fulfilling life in line with our values. We are full of great intentions.

The problem is one of mindfulness: we try to implement change but we fail to inspect our life genuinely to determine what, precisely, is at the bottom of our dissatisfactions and bad habits. Why exactly do we feel crummy? Why do we compensate with food, alcohol, shopping, or video games? 

This is where mindfulness comes into play. Mindfulness holds the key to a satisfying life that truly resembles us.  Embracing mindfulness might have a phenomenal impact on your life because it's been shown to make a difference in so many areas. For example, mindful eating would advantageously replace any diet. Implementing mindfulness in the workplace would significantly reduce stress, increase creativity and performance, improve interactions and decision-making, with the bonus of happiness and well-being.

Something tells me that mindfulness might be the ultimate resource and inspiration we need to tap into.

Mindfulness this Week

This week we will slowly acquaint ourselves with mindfulness. We will keep it very simple for now. Our only goal will be to pay more attention, to become more aware of what's going on. Every time we have a chance, we will ask ourselves: What is going on right now, outside of me and inside of me? We will welcome any answer that comes up. We will observe the sensations that emerge. There will be no judgement, no analysis, no further questions. We will simply state, for ourselves, how we feel this right moment... then we will continue with the rest of our day.

Let's begin right now. How do you feel at the moment? Take a moment to assess your internal state and the external situation. Then continue with the rest of your day.

Be part of the process:

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The Less is More Project: Week 51 - Final Post for 2015

Moyan Brenn, Flickr

- Do you need to work tonight?
- To put food on the table and clothes on our back, no. To go to restaurants and keep designer sneakers in the closet, yes. 
(Pariah)


Annual report!

The Less is More project is coming to an end. What are the main observations, lessons and conclusions to gather from a year of buying only the essential?

First and foremost, I am not tired of this project. I am not looking forward to the "right to buy". I am not planning to go shopping. I do not plan to revert to my old ways in the new year. I want to make this new frugal practice a lifelong habit. I will keep decluttering, consuming less, and appreciating what I already have.

Why?

Because it feels good. 

It feels good to live in a decluttered space, to know where everything is, to know that everything you own has a purpose.

It feels good to really, genuinely appreciate everything you have.

It feels good to see ads or go into a store and not feel pressured to buy. 

It feels good to be completely unconcerned with keeping up with the Joneses.

It feels good to share (by donating or regifting).

It feels good to know that your ecological footprint is lower.

It feels good to use your time, energy and money for what really matters.

To give a full picture of the situation, I feel it's my responsibility to add that it also feels good to know you have a choice. The main difference between voluntary simplicity and actual poverty is that the former allows you to acquire the things you need when you need them, whereas in poverty, even the basics elude you. Someone I care for deeply is currently struggling to keep a roof over their head, and food on their table. That reality is very real for many people, even in a "rich" country like Canada. 

For those of us who aren't struggling, the least we can do (apart from donating time, food, objects or money, of course) is to be grateful for what we have, and mindful of what we do with it. Money and other material resources aren't an end, they are a means. Let us never forget that.

Speaking of mindfulness...

Mindfulness will be the focus of my 2016 project. Mindfulness might be the key to peace, love, and well-being. Are you willing to give mindfulness a chance?

I will now allow myself a well-deserved break for the last ten days of 2015, and will be back in January full of new ideas to share! Happy End of Year to all, and see you in 2016!

The Less is More Project: Week 50 - Minimalism explained to children

Ann Jutatip, Flickr

A child of mine, the "stylish" one, was complaining once again that she does not have enough clothes, or that too many of them are hand-me-downs from her sister. A few years ago, the "clothes question" had become so annoying (read: a tantrum every morning when it was time to get dressed) that we had eventually removed all clothes from her bedroom (which was a lot, as both her dresser and closet were bursting at the seams), and resolved to pick her daily outfit ourselves, even if that went against my philosophy of autonomy. That strategy had proved successful: presented with no choice at all, said child would quietly comply and put on whatever we had picked for her. What she needed was not more choice (despite all her claims) - what she needed was less choice. 

She was not the first nor the last person to feel overwhelmed in such a situation: faced with too many options, human beings have a harder time making choices, and can even experience anxiety.

Eventually, her clothes went back to her room, as she had grown older and more mature, and was now able to chose her daily outfit in all serenity. But recently, she paid us a nice nostalgic revisiting of the good old times with a new "clothes crisis". 

Unfortunately for her, she did not know (or did not remember) who she was dealing with. Faced with her tantrum, I did not get upset. I did not ignore her complaints either. No. I did much "worst": I organized a little crash course on psychology, social inequality and environmental sustainability... just for her.

When dealing with someone who does not quite understand something, and especially when they exhibit a defensive or even hostile attitude, I like to begin with questions. And so I started with this one:

What are some of the things that we sometimes refuse to buy for you, that you would like to have?

She was quick to find examples:

• Electronics
• Junk food
• Candy
• More clothes
• More toys

My second question quickly followed: 

And why is that? Why do we say no to those things on a regular basis?

The answer to this was harder for her to formulate (she did mention the fact that junk food is "not good for you"). It was now my turn to explain why we are being such cruel parents:

1) Your own well-being. Doctors and psychologists agree that owning and using electronics regularly is not good for children. The same is obviously true for eating junk food and candy. As for extra clothes and toys, we know that owning too many things does not make a person happier; it can even make you more miserable.

2) Other people's well-being. Who makes the clothes, toys, and electronics you want? Poor, underpaid, underage people who work in difficult, often dangerous, settings. Do we want to support that? It was easy to illustrate my point. I showed her this video of a 9 year-old girl who works 12-hour shifts in a sweatshop in Bangladesh. Putting things in perspective, you said?

3) The planet's well-being. Every time an object is made, it creates pollution. The less we buy, the less objects will be made, and the less pollution will be created.

I truly believe in children's ability to understand the underlying reasons for choices and actions; because of that, I will keep explaining things. Who knows what the next topic will be?

WEEK 50 IN REVIEW

2015 is coming to an end, and people ask me what I am most impatient to buy once the project is over. My answer is simple: nothing at all. I do not crave any more belongings. A year was more than enough to find detachment from the material sphere. More than any desire to start shopping again, I have a desire to stay on the minimalist path, for I have discovered the well-being that accompanies it.

PROJECT 2016

Project 2016 is in the making!  Are you ready to make real changes in your life? Are you tired of new year resolutions that die after just two weeks? I might have a solution for you. Stay tuned, and to make sure you don't miss anything...

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The Less is More Project: Week 40 - Children and minimalism

Sam Nasim, Flickr

"Of the many people I've met who are not good at tidying, 

most had parents who cleaned their room for them." 

(Marie Kondo)

Minimalist wannabes with children often face the challenges of simplifying not only their life, but the life of others who may or may not be cooperative in the process. In fact, many will say that you just cannot be a minimalist while you have kids at home.

Here are some of the obstacles you might face when trying to simplify, downsize and declutter with children on board:


Stuff

Consumerism is all around, and children are not immune to it. Oftentimes, they do not have the perspective required to question it either. Which makes them easy targets. Marketing reaches our kids, who in turn reach out to us, who eventually reach for our wallet. Not all kids are into "stuff", but if you have one that is, you know what a daily struggle it can be to constantly say "no, we are not going to buy this".

If you have children, you might also have well-intentioned relatives (and even friends) who enjoy showering them with presents. Which might help cut down on costs, but which also means more stuff in the house.

Add to this the fact that children don't usually have a natural tendency to pick after themselves, and you find yourself with a cluttered living space.

My personal solution is a very big serving of patience and persistence: I trust that with time, my example, and maturity, my kids will gradually learn to distinguish between "just the right amount" and "way too many" possessions. In the meantime, I help them:

• make the connection between work, money and purchases;
• figure out their priorities (if you get this, you cannot get that);
• feel grateful for what they already have;
• go through their belongings and donate what they don't use.

What are your strategies?

Space

Many will argue that it's impossible, based on the amount of stuff that comes with children, and based on the need of parents for some level of intimacy, to live in small quarters with a family. A tiny house might be nice for one or two adults, but add kids to the mix and it suddenly feels like a recipe for disaster.

Interestingly, a certain number of families opt for very small house nonetheless (or to live on a boat, which is equivalent). I invite anyone who wants to learn more about how to make this possible to google "children+minimalism" and even "children+tiny house".

In our case, what I find the most interesting these days is that despite each of them having their own individual bedroom, my daughters often insist on sleeping in the same bed. I expect this to come to an end at some point during their teenage years, but it goes to show that children might not always have the needs that we attribute to them: right now, one bedroom would suffice.

Any realizations regarding children and space?


Activities

We live in a culture of individual growth and fulfillment. If you are a parent, chances are you want just that for your children. Of all the ways to spend your money, experiences have been shown to be the most conducive to happiness. By sending your children to camp or having them participate in organized activities, for example, you are providing them with experiences. What we often forget, however, is that experiences do not all come in the "highly structured and organized form". Some of the best experiences are spontaneous, disconcertingly simple, and free. A sunset. A hummingbird. The sound of the rain. But of course our children won't notice if they are incessantly taxied back and forth to activities or sitting in front of a screen.

I want to suggest that we simplify. Believe it or not, children do not enjoy being rushed all the time: "Hurry, we're gonna be late for your [fill in the blank] practice/lesson!" Who hasn't heard their kid ask "Can we just stay home and do nothing for a change?" I think it says it all.

Have your kids ever showed appreciation or even asked for some alone time/doing nothing?


Work/life balance

If nothing else does, having children will force you to reassess the role you give to work, the time and space it takes in your life. Caring for little ones on top of yourself, your living space and your career can exhaust you on good days. In my neighborhood, a large number of women (if not the majority) have work arrangements that allow them to work part-time, from home, or both. There's no reason why we should rush through life and not have time to watch our children grow up. There is no easy decision, and there is no perfect situation, but unless you are dealing with crippling poverty, there are options (and they apply to dads, too).

How do you balance it all?


Duty

After the last of three blog posts on "duties", a reader asked: "Is it your duty to have children?" I do not want to get too deep into that argument, but here is what I have to offer for now. Once they have become adults, today's children will be the ones to support the economy. That is one argument. On the other hand, with each new human being comes more environmental footprint. That is another (opposed) argument. I am no expert in demographics, but something tells me that a slow, gradual decrease in natality might be our best solution from a global standpoint. The economy will adapt. There are too many people on Earth for it to remain a healthy planet... unless we change our ways drastically, of course.

What are you willing to do to ensure future generations a place to live?


For more on the benefits of simplifying with children, you can click on the following links:

Do less 

Simplify everything  


WEEK 40 IN REVIEW

It's becoming obvious that I won't be able to quit sugar cold turkey. After two pretty good weeks, I fell for it again. There are so many occasions to consume sugar, and I might not really want to skip them all. Perhaps it will be more realistic to lower my consumption without making it completely taboo. On the other hand, I have begun to cut down on another substance: caffeine. I was not consuming that much - 1 cup of coffee in the morning and 1 cup of tea in the afternoon - but I realized it was still too much on some days.

Big news regarding my absence of spending:

First, it's official that I have completely lost the habit to buy - especially since I'm not even the one who does the groceries: last week, I did go to the grocery store for a couple items, and when came the time to pay with my card, I completely blanked out on how to actually use the card. I looked at the machine, hesitated, tried to swipe, and the patient cashier had to remind me to "put the chip in the bottom" for me to regain my consciousness. Crazy!

Second, less crazy but definitely more exciting, is the fact that I have saved enough, in those past 10 months, to make a significant extra payment on the mortgage, hence shortening its term. Woohoo!

Your turn to share about your struggles and victories of the week! What did you resist? Did you donate or get rid of anything? Did you face any challenge? Please comment below! And...

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The Less is More Project: Week 39 - Is it your duty to pay income tax?

MTSOfan, Flickr

Last blog post of the "Is it your duty" trilogy!

A friend was recently ranting about the fact that those who actively choose to work less than they are capable of (e.g. part-time when they could do full-time), consequently earn less money than they could, and in turn pay less income tax than they could, are depriving their fellow citizen from fiscal contributions. If those same "slackers" continue to use income-tax funded services and infrastructures, such as roads, schools, libraries, and health care (especially in countries where it's free, such as Canada), then according to my friend they can be viewed as freeloaders.

So let's say you are perfectly capable of working full-time at a reasonable income, but instead decide to stay on the "slow track" by:

• working part-time
• refusing promotions
• working at a job that is not related to your training, and pays less
• being a homemaker
• retiring early
• trading services instead of exchanging money for them (e.g. your neighbor gives your kids piano lessons for free, and in exchange, you tutor her kids for free)

... are you depriving society of something? Not only of the taxes you could pay, but also of your full professional potential?

Past my initial astonishment, I got thinking: are "slow-trackers" causing wrong to hard workers? Instantly, however, I could think of many ways people who work less are benefiting society. They can contribute by:

• allowing more people to work by sharing the workload instead of taking a full week's work on their sole shoulders
• volunteering (because they have more time for it)
• looking out for family members, friends and neighbors, especially those who need it the most, such as children, seniors and individuals with mental or physical health issues (which then cuts on certain "society costs")
• being an involved activist
• maintaining and facilitating harmonious relationships
• contributing to sustainable neighborhoods
• polluting less (by driving less, spending less on work clothes and generally buying less stuff, etc.)
• being healthier (from exercising more, taking the time to cook good meals, and experiencing less stress), which in turn means they don't use as much health care as their workaholic counterparts
• being more relaxed, which in turn means they are more pleasant to be around (a friend of mine whose wife works very long hours says of her that she is often cranky - but I won't name names!) I know that when I work less, I am less impatient with my family members, who in turn are more pleasant to other people, who in turn... and the wheel keeps on turning.

Now, those contributions are not easy to quantify. But I do believe they can make up for the lower fiscal input.

And honestly, if we are going to look at income the tax money that is lost, we should probably start by focusing on fiscal evasion and corruption... don't you think?

What is your take on this controversial topic?



WEEK 39 IN REVIEW

Eating less sugar still hasn't made me cranky or hungry. In fact, I might feel less hungry than I used to, probably due to the fact that my blood sugar levels are more stable. The only thing I feel more than I used to is fatigue: I tend to eat sweets when I get tired, but when this is not an option, I end up going to bed earlier. Which is not a bad thing in itself! 


Your turn to share about your struggles and victories of the week! What did you resist? Did you donate or get rid of anything? Did you face any challenge? Please comment below! And...

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The Less is More Project: Week 36 - She's got the looks

"If tomorrow women woke up and decided they really liked their bodies, just think how many industries would go out of business." (Dr. Gail Dines)

I just came back from what was probably the last camping trip of the year. Campgrounds are always a great place to reflect on minimalism. One morning, I found myself brushing my teeth next to a woman who used not one, not two, but three different electrical appliances to do her hair. She was getting started when I walked by on my way to the shower, was still busy perfecting her hair when I got out of the shower and stopped by the sinks, and was still working at it when I left. I was perplexed. Why would anyone want to spend so much time on their looks while camping in the woods?

I had had the same reflection while backpacking throughout Europe, some 15 years ago. I never understood why my fellow female backpackers spent so much time in front of the mirror each morning. Personally the only "cosmetics" I carried had to do with basic hygiene (toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, shampoo, soap), plus some sunscreen. On most days, I would detangle my hair then let it air dry until it was ready to put in a quick pony tail. I was preparing to visit museums and national parks, not for a walk on the runway!

I do not want to sound judgmental. In each of those instances, I mostly wondered what those women would do with their time and money if they knew that they actually look great "as is", and that they have the right to use their precious energy for more rewarding pursuits than a perfect complexion and hairdo. Most women complain that they are tired and lack time (including time to actually have fun). What would they do if they simplified their beauty routine?

But it's not my place to comment on individual choices and priorities. Freedom makes the fabric of a healthy society. This is a free country, and we all make our own, unique, informed choices on what we use our time and money on.

Or do we? When we choose to spend as much time and energy as most women (and an increasing number of men) spend on their looks, are we basing that choice on individual preferences? Or have we been pressured into it? Pressured into thinking we need certain things (and "interventions")?

A couple times in my life when I put on more makeup than usual, and asked my partner about the result, I was told that "it does not make a huge difference". If several dollars and several minutes do not make me significantly prettier, you can bet I won't waste any more of my time and money!

I just wish I had known earlier. In my teens, influenced like many of my peers by the "female audience media", I had come to think that 1) my looks were deeply inadequate (compared to photo shopped supermodels, which were the reference), and 2) I needed a full cupboard of products to even hope looking good enough. Which is preposterous. I looked absolutely fine! And most products failed to deliver anyway. E.g. if you have fine hair (my case), nothing will give you a thick mane. You can pretend but it won't be the same. Just embrace what nature gave you. 

Marketing orients our choices more than we think. Do we use free will when we take out our wallet? Think again. We are manipulated like puppets by advertisement, and that is when lobbying efforts don't stop the products we might have wanted from becoming widespread. Here is one recent example (click here).  

We need to open our eyes, put on our critical thinking glasses, and realize that "what you see is not what you need". During that same camping weekend, for example, our friend S commented on other campers packing too much stuff: "There's no way someone can eat all that, wear all that, and use all that". Words of wisdom.

Another problem is that when you downgrade based on your true needs and values, there comes a point when you fall out of the "mainstream", and potentially end up feeling marginalized. Sometimes it will just be an imprecise feeling of "being different". For the longest time I was the only one of my friends who did not even wear a smidgen of mascara. Nowadays we are the only family in one big neighborhood to own "only" one car, "only" one TV set (which I personally barely use), and no garage. 

Sometimes, others will openly underline your weirdness: in his latest post, Rob Greenfield recommends getting rid of 10 things (that most people probably don't feel they can live without), to which a commenter responded that he's beginning to sound like a Hare Krishna. (Admittedly, it could be a compliment.)

As Anne Wilson Schaef put it wisely: 

"I have constantly been told that I am crazy by my society when I put forth my clearest, sanest, most precious perceptions. Now I accept that I am "crazy" in the eyes of an insane society, and I feel very "sane" with my "craziness". Watch out for who is defining "crazy". Maybe it's time for us to give up trying to be as crazy as our surroundings and be the clear, sane [people] we are."


WEEK 36 IN REVIEW

I am beginning to wonder if I will need a new challenge for the last 4 months of the year. Getting rid of stuff and not buying has become an automatism and I am getting slightly bored. I still want to write about minimalism, but maybe I could try and apply it to something else than stuff? Any ideas?



Your turn to share about your struggles and victories of the week! What did you resist? Did you donate or get rid of anything? Did you face any challenge? Please comment below! And...

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The Less is More Project: Week 35 - The summer nothing happened

Back to school! As usual, the kids had a total of 9½ weeks of summer vacation this year. As usual, we had something planned for about 3 of those weeks (sending them to camp, traveling, seeing relatives, going camping). Which means there were still at least 6 weeks left unplanned.

As usual, I did not fall in the trap of booking them with activities 24/7. In fact, I organized pretty much nothing. After a full school year of tight schedules, I needed the break as much as they did. The only thing I made clear to them was that mornings would be dedicated to my - freelance from home - work, during which they could keep busy in any - safe and acceptable - way they saw fit. (Screen time was still limited to a max of 1 hour per day - figure out what to do with the rest of your time.)

As for afternoons, I wanted them to be left to the spirit of the moment. I wanted us to be spontaneous. Honestly, I also wanted us to experience idleness. Boredom, even. I longed to get lost in my thoughts, and I wished the same upon my kids.  Because, after all, having nothing to do has been shown to be good for children.

After three weeks of social gatherings, canoeing, swimming, hiking, fishing, bike rides, and other sports, campfires, restaurants, museums, parks and historical sites, you would imagine this sudden return to quiet would bore them to death.

When children are bored, two things happen. 1) They complain about it. 2) They start thinking. Boredom is the birthplace of creativity. Your brain has to generate original ideas. Something very important happens in the minutes that follow "I'm bored".

(Keep in mind that children who are not used to being bored might temporarily become annoying - let's not be scared to call things by their name here - but it should resolve if you give them a chance to figure it out.)

We did end up doing a couple fun things. We went to the beach. We visited - more - museums. We took walks in public gardens, in the woods, and on the waterfront. We visited the library. We went for bike rides. We played tennis. We picked berries. We flew a kite. We watched movies. We watched wildlife. We watched shooting stars. We baked. More importantly, we talked together.

But a lot of the time, I just let them be (and they returned me the favor). It was wonderful. I had time to exercise. To chat with friends. To read. To write. To hug my dog. To smell the flowers. To daydream. (Ah, the wonders of daydreaming! For more on the topic, click here.)

Left to their own devices, what did the kids do? They drew. They read. They wrote stories. They did self-directed crafts (my living room is now decorated with a sailing ship made out of cardboard boxes and rags). They played with Lego. They built forts. They played basketball on the street. They practiced their piano. They rode their bikes ad nauseam. They played outside with the neighbors.

Because I'm a cruel mother (ahem), they even helped with chores. The oldest was also hired by a neighbor to water his garden while he was away.

The only moment I heard them complain was whenever I told them to reapply sunscreen.

My kids are not saints for being able to thrive without structured activities and organized sports. Truth is, most kids can do the same... if given the opportunity.

A good friend of mine who also spent the summer at home with her children and did not plan much for them to do was commenting on how well-behaved they were. According to her, the reason was that they finally had time to rest. Most kids do so much usually, with school, organized sports and all, that they are exhausted... which has an impact on their mood. 

Children don't need their days to be filled with child specific activities. What they need is a safe environment in which they can explore and be creative. And when specific activities are happening, children don't have to be at the center of the plans. They can tag along. Simply respect their pace, get them involved... and let them be.



WEEK 35 IN REVIEW

Mountains of paper have left my home office as I am going through my filing cabinets. This must be one of the best feelings in the world. If I can remain organized in the paper department, it will qualify as one of the biggest accomplishments of the decade!


Your turn to share about your struggles and victories of the week! What did you resist? Did you donate or get rid of anything? Did you face any challenge? Please comment below! And...

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The Less is More Project: Week 34 - To do or not to do, that is the question

Brendan DeBrincat, Flickr

"Vacation means a change of pace, a gentleness with ourselves, a time of rest and renewal, and a time to stretch ourselves and encounter new people, new lands, new ways, and new options. The very newness opens the possibility of expanding our spirits and flushing out the stagnant particles in our blood." (Anne Wilson Schaef)


As consuming becomes less and less a temptation, and as my summer vacation is coming to an end, I am discovering a challenge I didn't know I had. I don't buy too much anymore. I don't own too much anymore either. But...

I still try to do too much.

Which can result in either two situations, depending:

1. Either I am super productive and accomplish tons of things, which is satisfying in a way, but also stressful, frustrating and exhausting in other ways...
2. Or I get discouraged by the amount of things to do and throw in the towel altogether, which is relieving in a way, but also stressful and frustrating in other ways.

Sometimes this struggle takes ridiculous forms, as this recent example will show.

My friend and neighbor M invited me to go pick blueberries about a kilometer from our houses. So we hoped on our bikes, pedaled for a few minutes, and found THE blueberry paradise, a whole area covered in more blue than green, all organic of course. Here was a seemingly endless supply of one of the healthiest foods on earth, usually not cheap in stores, for free! We filled a couple containers, and agreed that we would come back every single evening until the season is over. We did go back the next day. But on the third night, I did not feel like picking blueberries. For no particular reason. Just not in the mood. Instead of simply not going, and calling it a night, I briefly tortured myself with the thought that there were still free, delicious blueberries for me to pick out there, and that by my being lazy, I was going to miss on them! Suddenly the wonderful blueberry resource had become a source of stress instead of a source of happiness. 

Time to reframe!

The blueberry situation was quickly resolved, but it made me realize that we often feel forced to do things that we don't feel like doing just because we think we have to do them. 

Since time and energy are arguably more valuable resources than money, it might be a good idea to put those instances under the microscope, determine where our time and energy can be more wisely invested, and declutter our lives by ditching the rest.

Can you think of examples?

1) Do you have to clean your house to the point of immaculate before friends show up? Or can you just pick up the most obvious and relax, knowing that they won't notice?

I have been working on that one relentlessly. What's so terrible about letting your friends see an imperfect version of your house? Could it have anything to do with difficulties letting them see imperfect parts of yourself in general? Vulnerability issues, anyone? But I know that nobody likes perfect people. Plus, they know very well that it's just a facade. As I said. I'm working on it.

2) Do you have to entertain the kids on a vacation day? Or can you stick to making sure they stay safe, fed, rested and hydrated, and trust that they will be able to put their youthful energy and creativity to good use?

This one has been much less of a struggle. Every time I give some rope to my kids and let them figure out what to do with their time, I just love what they come up with so much (past the initial whining, of course). It reinforces me in the idea that they don't need my constant interventions.

3) Do you have to have to go out of your way to be friendly and bubbly with that person you don't really like, or is being polite and minimally pleasant enough?

This one was inspired by a recent conversation with a friend. Of course it's important to be nice and kind. Even to people we don't care for all that much. But we don't owe people anything more than treating them fairly. Giving yourself away to people who don't seem interested, or worse, don't show you minimal respect, is a sure way to get burned. (In the same vein: do you have to call this person who never calls you, or who monologues endlessly but never listens to your stories?)

4) Do you have to use all your potential fully? Or can you pick one career, one main hobby, and only use your other talents occasionally, without any hope of achieving anything big in those areas? Talk about relieving some pressure.

I have realized that it's not necessary, and often not even desirable, to try and reach the most advanced level in all areas I show potential for. Intermediate goals, that fit well within the rest of my life, can be perfectly acceptable. Then I can devote my time and energy to the one pursuit that really matters the most.


"Doing the best I can without too much anxiety or strain sounds like a relaxing way to live." (Anne Wilson Schaef)


WEEK 34 IN REVIEW

After months of pretty much no purchases (with the exceptions of necessities, of course), we have had to open our wallet a little bit more often lately. After school supplies and new shoes, it was time to take a look at the kids' clothes. What had they outgrown? Did they need anything? We went through the closets and dressers, one piece at a time, and discarded all that needed to go (either too small or too damaged). Then, we wrote down the specific items they needed. We went shopping with that list in hand, and only bought what was on it. Other temptations caught some eyes, but by carrying an actual list, it was easier to quickly put everyone back on track: "Remember, we are here to get you gym pants; you don't need anything else".

The discarded items that were still wearable went to a thrift store (2 big garbage bags).


Your turn to share about your struggles and victories of the week! What did you resist? Did you donate or get rid of anything? Did you face any challenge? Please comment below! And...

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