Mindfulness: Overwhelmed

"If you have ever spent any time around seriously ambitious people, you know that they are very often some of the unhappiest crazies alive, forever rooting around for more, having a hard time with basics like breathing and eating and sleeping, forever trying to cover some hysterical imagined nakedness." (Elisa Albert)

Why do so many of us who were lucky enough to be born in the right place, at the right time, and who subsequently have the privilege of not needing to worry about their survival and primary needs, still manage to feel overwhelmed? Why are we struggling with the basics? In a true minimalist approach, and in full mindful mode, I think we ought to clear the slate and deliberately pick what deserves to make it into our lives, and what doesn't. What is necessary, and what isn't. For example:


1) Necessary: to live in a place that's salubrious 
    Unnecessary: to live in a place that's spotless, endlessly noticing and fixing any departure from perfect orderliness and cleanliness.   

Do so if you wish, but ask yourself if it really adds value to your life, and be aware that it will take time and energy away from other endeavors.


2) Necessary: to live in pleasant surroundings
    Unnecessary: to improve, renovate and decorate as if your house had to make it into a home decor magazine. (I will admit that I genuinely admire some of my friends' houses' interior design, but I will also admit that I don't have it in me to invest the time, energy and money it requires. Plus, with a house that looks "ok", I feel pretty relaxed having children and pets around, which is an underrated form of freedom.)

Do so if you wish, but ask yourself if it really adds value to your life, and be aware that it will take time and energy away from other endeavors.

3) Necessary: to have good hygiene habits
    Unnecessary: to scrub and disinfect like you have been dipped in biohazardous substances. (Granted, some body parts require more attention. But probably not as much as you think. Even sweat is nothing more than saltwater.) 

Do so if you wish, but ask yourself if it really adds value to your life, and be aware that it will take time and energy away from other endeavors.


4) Necessary: to look nicely put together (that is, provided your job demands it, which is not even always the case)
     Unnecessary: to spend hours shopping for and putting on clothes, makeup, hair products. (We waste our precious time "overgrooming", then feel entitled to complain that we don't have enough time.)

Do so if you wish, but ask yourself if it really adds value to your life, and be aware that it will take time and energy away from other endeavors.


5) Necessary: to eat healthy
     Unnecessary: to avoid unhealthy foods like the plague, and to follow fads that have no foundation in science. (Instead, aim to eat healthy, plant-based, unprocessed food most of the time, and indulge occasionally - in small portions.)

Do so if you wish, but ask yourself if it really adds value to your life, and be aware that it will take time and energy away from other endeavors.


6) Necessary: to be physically active
     Unnecessary: to look as ripped as a professional body builder. To be in a good enough shape to climb the Everest on a week's notice. To participate in organized team sports (this applies to children and teenagers, too).

Do so if you wish, but ask yourself if it really adds value to your life, and be aware that it will take time and energy away from other endeavors.


7) Necessary: to sleep enough
    Unnecessary: to sleep in, or nap endlessly past your 8ish hour requirements.

Do so if you wish, but ask yourself if it really adds value to your life, and be aware that it will take time and energy away from other endeavors.

8) Necessary: to nurture important relationships
    Unnecessary: to spend hours on social media, to call your mother every single day, or to have friends/family over for supper every single weekend. Great, solid relationships will thrive on less... no need to overdo this "connection" thing!

Do so if you wish, but ask yourself if it really adds value to your life, and be aware that it will take time and energy away from other endeavors.


9) Necessary: to fit in - we humans are social creatures and need a supportive circle
    Unnecessary: to try and please or impress everyone. (We do it in more ways than we are willing to admit to ourselves.)

Do so if you wish, but only if it adds value to your life, and be aware that it will take time and energy away from other endeavors.


10) Necessary: to make a living (and to self-actualize)
       Unnecessary: to work long hours, gain as much prestige and make as much money as possible.

Do so if you wish, but ask yourself if it really adds value to your life, and be aware that it will take time and energy away from other endeavors.


11) Necessary: a certain amount of pleasure and distractions
       Unnecessary: to constantly pursue pleasure and entertainment. (Sometimes - often, alone time and quietness is just what the doctor ordered. What are you trying to cover under all that stimulation?)

Do so if you wish, but only if it adds value to your life, and be aware that it will take time and energy away from other endeavors.


12) Necessary: to know what's going on in the world (Because I vote. And raise children. And teach. And want to make the world a better place, one tiny step at a time.)
       Unnecessary: to read each and every article that I put my hands on, to watch the news many times a day.

Do so if you wish, but ask yourself if it really adds value to your life, and be aware that it will take time and energy away from other endeavors.


A subsidiary question is "Why do I feel like I need to do those things when in fact I don't?" Peer pressure? Advertisement and the media? An unhealthy ego?

Mindfulness this Week

What other example would you add to the list?

Which one poses the biggest challenge in your life?

What strategies have you used to go back to the essential?

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Mindfulness - The real problem with time

Nick J Webb, Flickr

"If we worship money, we'll never feel truly abundant. 

If we worship power, recognition, and fame, we'll never feel we have enough. And if we live our lives madly rushing around, trying to find and save time, 

we'll always find ourselves living in a time famine, frazzled and stressed." 

(Ariana Huffington)

Do you find yourself rummaging for time, desperately trying to go through your to-do list, always tired, always frustrated?

I know I do. A few months ago, I even tried to create a detailed weekly plan that would incorporate everything I want (or need) to do; paid work, household chores, quality time with loved ones, running, swimming, going to the gym, practicing the guitar, writing articles for an increasing number of publications. To my great despair, and no matter how I tried to move things around, it simply didn't fit - especially given the fact that I wanted the supreme luxury of also sleeping 8 hours per night. 

There is nothing original about my quest for hours, nor is there with my ongoing frustration with the unfinished state of so many of my ventures: as a working parent of the new millenium, I am in good company.

Not content to simply accept this state of affairs, I decided to dig deeper: Why do we feel so pressed for time while living in comfort and privilege? Does it have to be that way? How can we create for ourselves a schedule that has a more organic pace, while still reaching at least some of our goals?

The more I researched the topic, and the more I experimented with my use of time (this summer, for example, was the first in many years that I did not create a long to-do list for myself), the more I realized that the real problem is not time. Our stressed out and frustrated state originates from a few other factors:

Expectations

Simply put, many of us tend to underestimate the time it will take to do something. I am definitely guilty of that. The first step toward regaining control over our use of time might be to actually set aside enough time to accomplish the things we want to accomplish. If, like me, you also struggle to remain focused on the task at hand (I can barely empty a dishwasher without researching something on Google halfway through), you may want to plan even more time. Which takes us to the next factor: 

Attention

No matter how much time you spend on a task, if you are not focused on it, you are not making progress. It doesn't matter if you are distracted by others (external interruptions) or by yourself (daydreaming, multitasking). A block of time devoted to something must indeed be devoted to it! How to accomplish that? Monotask. Take the necessary steps to avoid being disrupted (There is a sign on my home office door that reads "Keep calm and do not disturb - I am working"). And plan regular breaks.

Energy

Time is a finite resource. Energy is not. So what really matters is not how much we work, but how we use our energy. One of the main lessons I have learned from running is to pace myself. That could mean going slower than what comes "naturally", or taking a break before you think you need one. This, I realized, applies to any sort of activity: physical, intellectual, even emotional.

If I try to go too fast, or if I fail to rest when I need it, then I end up being way less efficient, which wastes my time. When we do that on a regular basis, a common consequence is to engage in "numbing activities" to compensate for the unpleasantness - this is how so many of us end up over eating, drinking, shopping, staring at a screen for hours, etc. I'm not okay with wasting my time numbing pain and discomfort with bad habits that most likely have side effects. Instead, I am coming to terms with "unproductive" activity (sleeping, daydreaming, reading, listening to music)  that provides me with rest or pleasure.

Priorities

"Most people are living at such a furious pace that they rarely stop to ask themselves what they stand for and who they want to be. As a consequence, they let external demands dictate their actions." (Tony Schwartz and Catherine McCarthy) 

I stopped counting the number of times I heard time-starved moms - myself included - apologize for not baking/cooking the dish they were bringing to a party, or for not welcoming their guests into an immaculate house... as if getting something from the grocery store and living in a house that looks, well, lived-in, was a venial sin of some sort. To avoid the guilt - and the ensuing apology - a lot of us will try to cram such extra demands into a schedule that is already bursting at the seams. Enough already! Do those things really matter that much?

Like a teacher sets end goals, then breaks them down in small, incremental steps for her students, we should set life goals, determine the intermediate steps, and ensure that our time is indeed devoted to those goals on a daily basis. Any activity that does not lead to the fulfillment of those main goals can be tossed aside. 

Unfortunately, it is very easy to confuse our own personal goals with those that society imposes on us. Based on the current, mainstream definition of success, for example, I should be spending most of my time trying to impress others by 1) making sure I (and my family, and my house, etc.) look their best and "coolest" at all times, including on social media; 2) becoming famous (or making my kids famous, by extension); 3) making lots of money.

The problem is, those endeavors often prove exhausting, and may fail to provide the fulfillment we are looking for. I have written about how, when my translation business was at its height (and with it my income), I felt more fatigue, stress and frustration than any happiness I might have been looking for. I have since then decided to slow down on the career front, and I genuinely feel much better for it.

Meanwhile, other activities that seemed far less glamorous than a lucrative start-up, and which had fell through the cracks, regained importance in my eyes as I realized they actually fit some of my main priorities. Walking in nature and listening to the rain or birds, or spending time washing and cutting up veggies, seems rather banal and, again, unproductive. But when setting my priorities, eating (and feeding my family) healthy, and making sure I engage in peaceful, meditative activities on a daily basis, made it to the top 10 - meaning those activities should indeed be part of my daily life - even if that means sacrificing other activities. 

Less is more

The fear of missing out is a potent feeling, exacerbated by the plethora of choices modern life offers. Is it because my father passed away suddenly at 50, long before he could enjoy any bit of retirement, making it all so clear that the clock is ticking? I have felt an intense pressure to "make the most of life". When left unattended, that pressure can suck enjoyment out of life, which is the last thing we want to happen. I now know that what I need is not to do more things in general, but to strive and be in the moment, whatever I am doing (or not doing).

And so, counterintuitive as it may seem, in order to feel at peace with our use of time, we might need to do less, not more. To learn to sit or walk in silence, to stare into space, without guilt.

Which is exactly what I practiced this summer. There is no endless list of activities on my fridge, with little checkmarks all over it. This summer I took life day by day. Consequently, I spent more time on "unproductive" activities such as reading, chatting with friends and family, and even sleeping. It wasn't always comfortable, but I got used to that slower, more organic, pace. Interestingly, the top priorities still got done (e.g. repainting the decks, organizing the basement). Was this summer better or worse than the previous ones? Neither. But it was certainly less stressful. Will I have regrets? Probably not.

Mindfulness this Week

Have you changed your relationship with time?
How do you make sure you respect your pace, energy levels and priorities?
Do you find it hard to set realistic expectations, and to maintain your focus?

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Mindfulness - It will change your life

Cea, Flickr

Once upon a time, tired of lugging around extra weight from my pregnancies, and unable to lose it no matter how hard I tried, I opted for a time-consuming method I had put all my remaining hopes in: journaling my food intake (each and every bite), journaling my exercise (each and every workout), and finding someone to hold me accountable of it all (a personal trainer - but it could have been a friend or family member). In one word, I forced myself to be mindful of my caloric input and output. Guess what? It worked. By the end of the year (I like to make my projects last a year), not only had I lost the weight, I had also improved my strength, flexibility and cardio, enough to run half-marathons and participate in Spartan races. I felt amazing.

In 2015, I decided to tackle another goal, which was to regain control of my relationship with money and stuff. I was NOT drowning in debt. I was NOT a hoarder. I had NO intention of making a vow of poverty. I DID like my job. But I felt the need to shed some light on my spending and owning habits. My hope was that this new awareness would enable me to tailor my use of money and ownership of goods to my true needs (as opposed to the needs advertisement tells us we have), which would hopefully have a positive impact on my wallet, the environment, and my peace of mind. To make sure the change was significant, I committed to a form of minimalism: buying absolutely nothing but necessities (e.g. food) for a year. During that non-spending year I also got rid (mostly by donating) of a lot of objects I wasn't using. It ended up being easier and more enjoyable than I had imagined. I felt like I was no longer falling for the false needs put forward in advertisement: I became acutely aware of how marketing preys on us. Being surrounded by less things through decluttering also made me feel lighter. The process made my spending and owning intentional. Even if the "no spending year" is over, I remain very mindful of my relationship to money and stuff. In stores I act as if I was in a museum: if I see something beautiful, I admire it, then walk away from it. The fact that I love an object and/or that its "price is right" is no reason to purchase it. I don't bring anything in the house unless it fulfills a true need.

This year, as I keep striving to increase my overall levels of mindfulness (in the hope that it will make me a happier AND more responsible citizen), I started meditating daily, which led to both good and "bad" outcomes (for more on that, see my article on Tiny Buddha). In the process, I put new issues under the magnifying glass. One example: in the first few months of 2016, I tracked my moods and physical states and made adjustments accordingly. This has led me to increase my sleep intake while I practically eliminated caffeine intake, among other things. It also changed my approach to the media, relationships, work, self-worth, and a panoply of other issues. One important discovery was that more often than not, I need to slow down and put less pressure on myself. It may seem counter-intuitive, but adopting a slower pace and practicing self-care and awareness has actually helped me accomplish more, or more of what really matters (feeling better in the process, too). Which leads me to the area I want to tackle now: my use of time. As aware as I am of my eating and spending habits, I realize that I am still often mindless in my use of what probably constitutes my most precious resource. My to-do lists fill up with new items faster than I can actually check off items. There always seems to be too much to do, with too little time to get it done.

Or so I thought. Just like any budget and the food/exercise equation, there is nothing mysterious about time management: put some in, take some out - numbers don't lie. With the difference that we all are granted the same amount of time: 24 hours per day. If you eat too much, you can always exercise more to burn the extra calories. If you want to spend more, you can always try and increase your income. But the 24 hours a day is a fixed number. The only component of the equation we have power over is our use of time. We need to be honest about 1) the time we need to do things - many of us tend to underestimate it and 2) which things really need to be done, as opposed to the ones that are optional. 

My quest for a better use of time is far from being over. I hope to come back with insights. In the meantime, please don't hesitate to share your wisdom in the comments below!

Mindfulness this Week

How do you manage your time?

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Mindfulness - Perspective

 NancyNance, Flickr

When stuck in a rut, having a hard time experiencing gratitude, unable to find clear answers to our questions, confused about what should take priority in our lives, a simple change in perspective can help.

It struck me as I was sitting in a corner of the house I almost never "visit", on a chair I almost never use. From that standpoint, I had a completely different view of the room and of the garden outside the window. It wasn't anything I hadn't seen before, but the angle was new. It wasn't any better than my usual view, and it wasn't particularly exciting, but somehow it made me feel refreshed and serene.

Opportunities to "refresh and reframe" are everywhere if we are willing to get out of our comfort zone, or simply to slow down and notice. Trying something different and new can work wonders. So does taking the time to actually feel what is going on inside and outside of ourselves. For example, lately I have been allowing myself to stop and observe nature. If there is a pleasant sight, sound or smell, instead of going on with my day, I fully immerse myself in it, for as long as it takes to reach a state of inner joy.

In the past few weeks I had many other opportunities to reframe, ranging from the very mundane to the very distressing, and everything in between. For example:

• The various house and car problems I mentioned in my last post, which entailed both hassle and expenses.
• Being stuck on the tarmac for 2 hours waiting for the plane to be refuelled before take-off... and then experiencing a rather bumpy flight that left me with sweaty palms, numb fingertips and other manifestations of a fight or flight response.
• Learning about friends' financial and/or relationship and/or health-related problems.

All those issues helped me put other issues into perspective - suddenly it didn't matter so much if a huge pile of laundry was accumulating, or that I hadn't found the time to practice my guitar, or even that my career was kind of stalled. More urgent issues, or bigger problems, were happening around me, and all my attention was on them.

But the most important - and awakening - event was the passing of my maternal grandmother. Because she was old (98 years minus 2 days to be exact), one could assume that it was easy to accept. But it wasn't. As I said to a cousin who came to the funeral, "You're never ready to lose someone you love". It didn't matter how old she was - she was amazing, and I will miss her tremendously. 

This event forced me into a new perspective - when a loved one dies, what matters more than your sorrow? Other sources of negative emotions suddenly seemed so trivial. I had no time or energy to sweat the small stuff. What mattered was to be around friends and family, and to fully appreciate their presence. My grandmother would have approved of this reframing - if I had to list her best qualities, the number one would be her bright outlook on life. She found the positive in every situation, and got back on her feet after each setback.

I know that I will keep learning from her even if she isn't here anymore. Her unique perspective will stay with me and with everyone who had the chance to know her.

Mindfulness this Week

What event(s) have changed your perspective? Was it a good or a bad thing?

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Mindfulness - Making good habits

Dafne Cholet, Flickr

Getting rid of bad habits is important, but making new ones is just as critical. 

First, because you can't simply let go of a bad habit without replacing it with another, better one: facing the void is too hard, especially when the reason the bad habit exists in the first place is to cover some deep dissatisfaction. Personal anecdote: A dietitian I once consulted for advice on how to stop eating my emotions (I would go for sweets whenever I felt tired, stressed or bored) recommended that I find another pleasant activity to engage in, ideally an activity that would prevent me from eating sweets, such as going for a brisk walk, talking to a friend, or taking a bubble bath. 

Second, because good habits are the number one step toward structuring our life in a way that enables us to live according to our values, and reach our goals. Forget about your bad habits: the only way you will build a life that makes you feel good about yourself is by adopting good habits.

The thing is, implementing (and maintaining) good habits is hard. That's because it takes us out of our comfort zone... but I think it is also because we look at them from the wrong angle: we see good habits as things we "should" do... if only we were a "good" person. I have a different take on them: good habits are the things that ultimately make you feel good, physically and mentally. Therefore, good habits are a gift we give ourselves. NOT some sort of painful coercion.

Of course, going from theory to practice takes some time - and a lot of mindfulness. We need to reconnect with how we really feel. We - erroneously - tend to think that our bad habits are what makes us feel good: after all, spending, eating, drinking and the like tend to give us a "high" which we tend to confuse with actual happiness. Paying attention and being honest with ourselves is the only way to rediscover the true source of well-being. (No, bingeing on beer or chocolate cake is NOT it.)

We also need to take baby steps. It will be difficult, but the beautiful thing about good habits is that they generalize to other good habits: for example, my first yoga instructor used to say that when she started meditating, she automatically started eating healthier, even if she had not consciously planned to. I believe this is true for many good habits. (Smokers who start running have an easier time letting go of smoking.) I personally still tend to gravitate toward sweets when I am tired or dehydrated... so I make sure to sleep enough and to drink water throughout the day - those two good habits help me resist a bad one.

Which takes us to some of the good habits you might want to start forming. (I recommend starting with one, and only adding additional good habits one at a time, when the previous one is more or less "mastered".)


You could make it a habit to:

• Go to bed earlier
• Wake up half an hour earlier in order to squeeze in some exercise or some meditation (both wonderful ways to start a day, they energize AND make you peaceful at the same time)
• Eat a tall glass of water as soon as you get up, and carry a water bottle with you all day
• Include actual fruit with each breakfast (better than juice)
• Carry a healthy snack with you for sudden cravings
• Make sure both lunch and supper include a big portion of vegetables
• Walk or bike whenever possible (as opposed to taking the car)
• Do simple body weight exercises and stretches while you watch TV (if you watch TV)
• Do a quiet activity before bedtime, such as reading a book, writing a gratitude journal, or taking a bath

Whether I "feel like it" or not, I know for a fact that whenever I include those good habits in my daily life, I feel much better. Even if the rest of the day doesn't go quite according to plan, I know that I did at least a few things right, and I feel more motivated to make other right choices.

What new habit do you feel like making?


Mindfulness this Week


I will look at my daily schedule and see if I can tweak a few things in order to include more of the "right choices". I will NOT focus on my bad choices. I will trust that by implementing good habits, the bad ones will slowly fade away.

Tell us what you come up with.

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Mindfulness - Love thyself

gags9999, Flickr

Following last week's post on getting rid of bad habits, I was planning to write about making good habits, but inspiration came to me in the form of Cupid. 

Valentine' Day is the celebration of love, with all kinds of consumerist and non-consumerist exhortations to treat others and show them our affection... but how often do we take the time to celebrate our love for ourselves?

This has nothing to do with narcissism or megalomania, but rather with a healthy approach of our self-worth.

It has nothing to do with lowering our self-expectations to the point of settling for mediocrity, but rather with knowing our limits and setting realistic goals accordingly.

As parents in particular, we often put our needs - and our wants - aside in order to attend to those of our children. Those who care for an aging parent or other vulnerable family members might also tend to put their own needs on the ice.

Many of us are also demanding and hard on ourselves, leaving little room for self-kindness: the flaws we would easily tolerate (or even find endearing) in others become intolerable in ourselves.

How about being kind to ourselves, for a change? Here are some ways we can apply kindness to ourselves:

Self-respect: I will avoid negative talk. It is so insidious than we often don't even notice that we're doing it - but it happens a lot: in front of a mirror, after an awkward interaction with someone, in the middle of a difficult task. I will pay attention to my internal dialog. If I catch myself in the act of self-deprecation (which is akin to insulting oneself), I will stop and replace the statement with a positive one, or at least an accurate one. Examples: 

I am not ugly - I have beautiful (fill in the blank: eyes, or hair, or feet, or muscles, or soul, intellect... whatever you like about yourself)

I am not lazy - I have a limited supply of energy, and I know when to rest.

I am not stupid - I don't know everything, and I sometimes make mistakes, that is all.

Which leads us to...

Self-compassion: I will have sympathetic concern for my own struggles, instead of self-loathing. Like anybody else, I have physical, mental and emotional limits. Why do I try to function like I'm some kind of Super Woman or Energizer bunny? I cannot go, go, go. I need breaks, I need time to rest, to reflect or to pull myself together. I need to progress at a reasonable pace. I need to admit that in some instances, I might even - imagine that - need help.

Self-care: I will take care of myself like I would for anybody else who's under my care: I will attend to my needs and listen to myself.

Self-love: I will recognize that even if I strive for growth and improvement, try and do my best, and always will... I am already enough. 


Mindfulness this Week


Let's focus on one very simple question this week: Am I being kind to myself?

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The Less is More Project: Week 51 - Final Post for 2015

Moyan Brenn, Flickr

- Do you need to work tonight?
- To put food on the table and clothes on our back, no. To go to restaurants and keep designer sneakers in the closet, yes. 
(Pariah)


Annual report!

The Less is More project is coming to an end. What are the main observations, lessons and conclusions to gather from a year of buying only the essential?

First and foremost, I am not tired of this project. I am not looking forward to the "right to buy". I am not planning to go shopping. I do not plan to revert to my old ways in the new year. I want to make this new frugal practice a lifelong habit. I will keep decluttering, consuming less, and appreciating what I already have.

Why?

Because it feels good. 

It feels good to live in a decluttered space, to know where everything is, to know that everything you own has a purpose.

It feels good to really, genuinely appreciate everything you have.

It feels good to see ads or go into a store and not feel pressured to buy. 

It feels good to be completely unconcerned with keeping up with the Joneses.

It feels good to share (by donating or regifting).

It feels good to know that your ecological footprint is lower.

It feels good to use your time, energy and money for what really matters.

To give a full picture of the situation, I feel it's my responsibility to add that it also feels good to know you have a choice. The main difference between voluntary simplicity and actual poverty is that the former allows you to acquire the things you need when you need them, whereas in poverty, even the basics elude you. Someone I care for deeply is currently struggling to keep a roof over their head, and food on their table. That reality is very real for many people, even in a "rich" country like Canada. 

For those of us who aren't struggling, the least we can do (apart from donating time, food, objects or money, of course) is to be grateful for what we have, and mindful of what we do with it. Money and other material resources aren't an end, they are a means. Let us never forget that.

Speaking of mindfulness...

Mindfulness will be the focus of my 2016 project. Mindfulness might be the key to peace, love, and well-being. Are you willing to give mindfulness a chance?

I will now allow myself a well-deserved break for the last ten days of 2015, and will be back in January full of new ideas to share! Happy End of Year to all, and see you in 2016!

The Less is More Project: Week 48 - Consumer self-defense

Kanko, Flickr

Minimalist or not, all of us do have to go shopping at least once in a while, even if it was just for groceries.

This time of the year, most of us will multiply their purchases in preparation for the end of year holidays.

It might not feel like it, especially for those of us who spend a good amount of time in stores and have become pro shoppers, but as a consumer, and despite our illusion of choice, we are rather vulnerable. The smartest of us are at the mercy of numerous marketing tactics, each one more cunning than the last.

How do we fight back and avoid wasting our precious money on less than precious items? Let's be prepared.

Location, location, location: Know that you are more likely to buy items located at eye level, at the end of aisles, and by the checkout. Especially if they are colorful and/or sparkly. Do you need those items, or are you having the exact impulse that marketers are looking for? Did you come to the store with that item in mind? You might be better off leaving it there, and if it is still haunting you a month or two later, then go back and buy it. My strategy for those situations is that I usually shop equipped with a list, whether it's for food, clothes, presents, or anything else.

How much will you appreciate it once it's in your home? Objects have a lot of appeal when positioned strategically in a store, in their new, bright and shiny glow. They lose a lot of that appeal once in the house and after a couple uses.

Quantity: Bigger is not always better. What's the best value? If you're going to use a lot of something, bigger packages are often worth it. But not always. To compare accurately between the small, the medium and the big packages, you'll have to be good at mental math. Plus, sometimes, it's better to just go for the amount you can actually consume, instead of buying more just because it's a good deal... and ending up wasting half. (Or feeling like you have to finish it - this is particularly insidious when food is involved.)

Quality: Are brand names better than store brands? In some cases, yet. In some cases it makes no difference whatsoever. When it comes to clothes and outdoor gear, it's usually a good idea to go for quality... but that does not mean you have to buy new. Second hand, high quality items can last quite a while, and often look nicer than new, but low quality, items.

Is the price fair? Studies show that minorities pay more for the same products. For example, equivalent health/beauty products are significantly more expensive when they target women buyers. Women (and ethnic minorities) also end up paying more for the same car, among other things. Are you okay with that? What can you do to vote against this unfair practice?

Preparation: Processed foods come with a higher price tag than foods you will prepare and cook yourself. Would you pay someone $30 an hour to shred your cheese? Because that's the cost it comes to when you calculate the price difference.

How much of your effort is this worth? How many hours do you have to work in order to acquire this item? (Calculate using your net income, not your gross income). I know someone who uses that strategy whenever he sees something he likes: Is this something that's worth an hour, a day, or even a full week of my work?

Do you really want to spend that much? Marilyn Monroe might have sung Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend, I suspect that, as a group, diamond jewelry retailers embrace the saying more than women. Don't feel you have to spend an awful amount on the people you love. Or if you really can and want to spend, pick activities over objects, so that you can create memories together.

Does this item you are about to purchase agree with your ethical standards? Is it fair-trade or was it produced in a sweat shop by underpaid (and possibly underage) people? Does it contribute to intensive deforestation or pollution? Is it good for you? (if it contains added sugar, perfumes, dyes, or simply a lot of plastic, you might want to reconsider).

Remember that a good deal is only a good deal if you need the item, and that although sales are tempting, you will save 100% on any item if you don't buy it.

If you are lucky enough to have leftover money and aren't sure what to do with it, please consider donating it to a charity!

WEEK 48 IN REVIEW

All my holiday shopping is done - mostly a few presents for the kids. It was completed before Black Friday (I don't buy a thing on that specific day). I like to shop early because I know I make better choices when I have time ahead of me, as opposed to feeling rushed to buy something, anything. I also find it less stressful to shop when the stores aren't full (and the clerks aren't overwhelmed and tired). 

Speaking of stress, getting the house ready for the holidays also feels less stressful now that I have been decluttering for so long. Everything has a reason to be in the house, and everything is in its place. Cleaning around that is quick and easy.

Project 2016 is in the making! In the next few weeks, we will report on how 2015 went: struggles, successes, and lessons learned. We will then be ready for a new challenge! Stay tuned, and to make sure you don't miss anything...

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