Mindfulness - It will change your life

Cea, Flickr

Once upon a time, tired of lugging around extra weight from my pregnancies, and unable to lose it no matter how hard I tried, I opted for a time-consuming method I had put all my remaining hopes in: journaling my food intake (each and every bite), journaling my exercise (each and every workout), and finding someone to hold me accountable of it all (a personal trainer - but it could have been a friend or family member). In one word, I forced myself to be mindful of my caloric input and output. Guess what? It worked. By the end of the year (I like to make my projects last a year), not only had I lost the weight, I had also improved my strength, flexibility and cardio, enough to run half-marathons and participate in Spartan races. I felt amazing.

In 2015, I decided to tackle another goal, which was to regain control of my relationship with money and stuff. I was NOT drowning in debt. I was NOT a hoarder. I had NO intention of making a vow of poverty. I DID like my job. But I felt the need to shed some light on my spending and owning habits. My hope was that this new awareness would enable me to tailor my use of money and ownership of goods to my true needs (as opposed to the needs advertisement tells us we have), which would hopefully have a positive impact on my wallet, the environment, and my peace of mind. To make sure the change was significant, I committed to a form of minimalism: buying absolutely nothing but necessities (e.g. food) for a year. During that non-spending year I also got rid (mostly by donating) of a lot of objects I wasn't using. It ended up being easier and more enjoyable than I had imagined. I felt like I was no longer falling for the false needs put forward in advertisement: I became acutely aware of how marketing preys on us. Being surrounded by less things through decluttering also made me feel lighter. The process made my spending and owning intentional. Even if the "no spending year" is over, I remain very mindful of my relationship to money and stuff. In stores I act as if I was in a museum: if I see something beautiful, I admire it, then walk away from it. The fact that I love an object and/or that its "price is right" is no reason to purchase it. I don't bring anything in the house unless it fulfills a true need.

This year, as I keep striving to increase my overall levels of mindfulness (in the hope that it will make me a happier AND more responsible citizen), I started meditating daily, which led to both good and "bad" outcomes (for more on that, see my article on Tiny Buddha). In the process, I put new issues under the magnifying glass. One example: in the first few months of 2016, I tracked my moods and physical states and made adjustments accordingly. This has led me to increase my sleep intake while I practically eliminated caffeine intake, among other things. It also changed my approach to the media, relationships, work, self-worth, and a panoply of other issues. One important discovery was that more often than not, I need to slow down and put less pressure on myself. It may seem counter-intuitive, but adopting a slower pace and practicing self-care and awareness has actually helped me accomplish more, or more of what really matters (feeling better in the process, too). Which leads me to the area I want to tackle now: my use of time. As aware as I am of my eating and spending habits, I realize that I am still often mindless in my use of what probably constitutes my most precious resource. My to-do lists fill up with new items faster than I can actually check off items. There always seems to be too much to do, with too little time to get it done.

Or so I thought. Just like any budget and the food/exercise equation, there is nothing mysterious about time management: put some in, take some out - numbers don't lie. With the difference that we all are granted the same amount of time: 24 hours per day. If you eat too much, you can always exercise more to burn the extra calories. If you want to spend more, you can always try and increase your income. But the 24 hours a day is a fixed number. The only component of the equation we have power over is our use of time. We need to be honest about 1) the time we need to do things - many of us tend to underestimate it and 2) which things really need to be done, as opposed to the ones that are optional. 

My quest for a better use of time is far from being over. I hope to come back with insights. In the meantime, please don't hesitate to share your wisdom in the comments below!

Mindfulness this Week

How do you manage your time?

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Mindfulness - Consumerism

Adriano Makoto Suzuki, Flickr

Throughout my minimalist (Less is More) project in 2015, I gradually increased my awareness of my relationship with "stuff". At first the project was simply about not acquiring new things (other than the necessities, such as food, gas, new shoes for the kids, etc.) Instead of bringing new objects into the house, I focused on getting "old" objects out of the house, in an effort to declutter and share with those in need.

I wasn't sure of how easy or difficult this would be, and I had no way to predict the outcome. After a year, reflecting on it, I could say without hesitation that minimalism had completely changed my outlook on "stuff", and on life in general.

Simplicity made me mindful.

1) Mindful of the way I use my time, my money, and my space

When shopping (a common pastime in a consumerist society) is not an option, you find yourself with an extra amount of free time, as well as an extra amount of money. After decluttering, you also find yourself with an extra amount of space. What to do with all this time, money and space? 

Space: In that case, the answer was easy: I did nothing at all. I was certainly not going to refill the space I had freed. I simply enjoyed it, and its effect on my mental states; less physical clutter often means less mental clutter. I also got rid of some bins and shelves that were no longer needed. I started wondering if the house wasn't too big (a reflection that's still in progress). What would you do with extra space?

Money: I have been rather reasonable, investing most savings toward mortgage and retirement. However, enjoying life is still in the cards, and I have been treating myself and my loved ones also. The difference is that instead of buying things, I buy experiences, which are shown to create more happiness than any material belonging. In general, I find that I don't have to spend as much money as I used to in order to achieve the same level of contentment. What would you do with extra money?

Time: Minimalism is a time savior in at least three different ways: First, eliminating shopping as a pastime frees time for other pursuits. Second, by owning less, you spend less time looking after your stuff, less time choosing your outfit, etc. Third, you regain some time, indirectly, by needing less money: Once you significantly reduce your consumption, it becomes possible to actually work less - since you don't need all the money anymore. For me, reducing my workload means more time for creative endeavours (such as writing), for sharing my talents and resources, for social interactions with friends and family, for health-related activities (exercise, cooking, gardening, etc.), and - let's be honest - for rest. What would you do with extra time? 


2) Mindful of how brainwashed we are by advertising

I cannot even begin to explain how brainwashed we are. Our whole lives revolve around consuming. We consume houses, vehicles, clothes, accessories, personal products, home products, decorative items, electronics, toys and games, processed food and drinks, books, music, ... the list is endless. We are brainwashed enough that we are willing to slave away at jobs we don't particularly enjoy (to afford all the stuff) AND to slave away at home (to tend to our belongings). Our system of values is completely skewed by consumerism - do we even know what was truly important to us in the first place? We are so brainwashed that we rarely question any aspect of that system. Avoiding exposure to advertising is virtually impossible, but I look at it with new eyes. Advertising will not succeed at convincing me I have needs that can be fulfilled with such and such product, and that I have to make as much money as I possibly can to afford it all. 


3) Mindful of my true needs

Acquiring new things, being surrounded by clutter, working long hours doing something you don't enjoy, and generally chasing your tail does not fulfill your deepest needs. What does, then? For me, I am happiest in a simple environment, with a slower pace of life, making a living doing something meaningful, enjoying healthy food, physical activity, nature, music, and sharing and connecting with others.


4) Mindful of my health - and that of the planet

Apart from generalized over-consumption (which can be fought by buying less, and/or buying secondhand, and/or bartering), a lot of the "stuff" we consume has the potential to harm our health and our planet: personal products, home products, food and drink items, etc. I was already using a lot of the simpler, "cleaner" versions. I gradually got rid of many remaining "mainstream products": things that contain bleach (not only in cleaners, but also in feminine hygiene products), paraben, fragrance, coloring, refined sugar, etc. In general, anything that comes with a long list of ingredients elicits my suspicion. In my bathroom nowadays, you will find baking soda, vinegar (white and apple cider), coconut oil and its derivatives, Epsom salt, etc. In my kitchen, you will find less packaged products and more of the fresh stuff (looking the same way it did when found in nature). Of course, this is a work in progress, but every step is worth it.


5) Mindful of my relationships

My - wise - father-in-law once pointed out that some people talk about "stuff" almost exclusively, and that he was veering away from those relationships, focusing instead of those were one discusses ideas and values. "Impressing others" with possessions has an appeal, otherwise no one would do it, but there are better ways to feel good about oneself. I choose my friends based not on the way they (or their house, or their car) looks, but on how much fun we have together!

Mindfulness this Week

What are you willing to do to regain your space, time, money, and freedom?

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The Less is More Project: Week 51 - Final Post for 2015

Moyan Brenn, Flickr

- Do you need to work tonight?
- To put food on the table and clothes on our back, no. To go to restaurants and keep designer sneakers in the closet, yes. 
(Pariah)


Annual report!

The Less is More project is coming to an end. What are the main observations, lessons and conclusions to gather from a year of buying only the essential?

First and foremost, I am not tired of this project. I am not looking forward to the "right to buy". I am not planning to go shopping. I do not plan to revert to my old ways in the new year. I want to make this new frugal practice a lifelong habit. I will keep decluttering, consuming less, and appreciating what I already have.

Why?

Because it feels good. 

It feels good to live in a decluttered space, to know where everything is, to know that everything you own has a purpose.

It feels good to really, genuinely appreciate everything you have.

It feels good to see ads or go into a store and not feel pressured to buy. 

It feels good to be completely unconcerned with keeping up with the Joneses.

It feels good to share (by donating or regifting).

It feels good to know that your ecological footprint is lower.

It feels good to use your time, energy and money for what really matters.

To give a full picture of the situation, I feel it's my responsibility to add that it also feels good to know you have a choice. The main difference between voluntary simplicity and actual poverty is that the former allows you to acquire the things you need when you need them, whereas in poverty, even the basics elude you. Someone I care for deeply is currently struggling to keep a roof over their head, and food on their table. That reality is very real for many people, even in a "rich" country like Canada. 

For those of us who aren't struggling, the least we can do (apart from donating time, food, objects or money, of course) is to be grateful for what we have, and mindful of what we do with it. Money and other material resources aren't an end, they are a means. Let us never forget that.

Speaking of mindfulness...

Mindfulness will be the focus of my 2016 project. Mindfulness might be the key to peace, love, and well-being. Are you willing to give mindfulness a chance?

I will now allow myself a well-deserved break for the last ten days of 2015, and will be back in January full of new ideas to share! Happy End of Year to all, and see you in 2016!

The Less is More Project: Week 50 - Minimalism explained to children

Ann Jutatip, Flickr

A child of mine, the "stylish" one, was complaining once again that she does not have enough clothes, or that too many of them are hand-me-downs from her sister. A few years ago, the "clothes question" had become so annoying (read: a tantrum every morning when it was time to get dressed) that we had eventually removed all clothes from her bedroom (which was a lot, as both her dresser and closet were bursting at the seams), and resolved to pick her daily outfit ourselves, even if that went against my philosophy of autonomy. That strategy had proved successful: presented with no choice at all, said child would quietly comply and put on whatever we had picked for her. What she needed was not more choice (despite all her claims) - what she needed was less choice. 

She was not the first nor the last person to feel overwhelmed in such a situation: faced with too many options, human beings have a harder time making choices, and can even experience anxiety.

Eventually, her clothes went back to her room, as she had grown older and more mature, and was now able to chose her daily outfit in all serenity. But recently, she paid us a nice nostalgic revisiting of the good old times with a new "clothes crisis". 

Unfortunately for her, she did not know (or did not remember) who she was dealing with. Faced with her tantrum, I did not get upset. I did not ignore her complaints either. No. I did much "worst": I organized a little crash course on psychology, social inequality and environmental sustainability... just for her.

When dealing with someone who does not quite understand something, and especially when they exhibit a defensive or even hostile attitude, I like to begin with questions. And so I started with this one:

What are some of the things that we sometimes refuse to buy for you, that you would like to have?

She was quick to find examples:

• Electronics
• Junk food
• Candy
• More clothes
• More toys

My second question quickly followed: 

And why is that? Why do we say no to those things on a regular basis?

The answer to this was harder for her to formulate (she did mention the fact that junk food is "not good for you"). It was now my turn to explain why we are being such cruel parents:

1) Your own well-being. Doctors and psychologists agree that owning and using electronics regularly is not good for children. The same is obviously true for eating junk food and candy. As for extra clothes and toys, we know that owning too many things does not make a person happier; it can even make you more miserable.

2) Other people's well-being. Who makes the clothes, toys, and electronics you want? Poor, underpaid, underage people who work in difficult, often dangerous, settings. Do we want to support that? It was easy to illustrate my point. I showed her this video of a 9 year-old girl who works 12-hour shifts in a sweatshop in Bangladesh. Putting things in perspective, you said?

3) The planet's well-being. Every time an object is made, it creates pollution. The less we buy, the less objects will be made, and the less pollution will be created.

I truly believe in children's ability to understand the underlying reasons for choices and actions; because of that, I will keep explaining things. Who knows what the next topic will be?

WEEK 50 IN REVIEW

2015 is coming to an end, and people ask me what I am most impatient to buy once the project is over. My answer is simple: nothing at all. I do not crave any more belongings. A year was more than enough to find detachment from the material sphere. More than any desire to start shopping again, I have a desire to stay on the minimalist path, for I have discovered the well-being that accompanies it.

PROJECT 2016

Project 2016 is in the making!  Are you ready to make real changes in your life? Are you tired of new year resolutions that die after just two weeks? I might have a solution for you. Stay tuned, and to make sure you don't miss anything...

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The Less is More Project: Week 49 - When being frugal isn't an option

David Blackwell, Flickr

"No matter how rich you get, shit goes wrong." 

(Ex Machina)

When it comes to saving money, your health, the planet, or all of the above, having options might not be conducive to making progress. Feeling constrained, however, is a sure way to get quick results. For example:

Using water parsimoniously is tricky on a daily basis, but much easier when the septic pump has failed and anything you flush down could back up in the basement.

Putting money aside for contingencies is tricky, but when above mentioned septic pump fails, and the total invoice for replacing it (plus emptying the septic tank, while we're at it) approaches $2000 that you hadn't planned on spending (right before Christmas, makes me merry), you're pretty darn happy you did have money put aside for such unforeseen events, and your motivation to keep putting money aside in the future goes up a notch.

As for the question of whether this painful expense is a need, I challenge anyone to argue that pumping our family's excreted substances out of the house qualifies as a frivolous desire.

Always a positive thinker, I can only rejoice that those troubles happened in a time when the ground is not completely frozen and covered in feet of snow yet, and that nothing actually backed up in the basement (we caught it in time).

WEEK 49 IN REVIEW

Apart from wasting my hard-earned money on shitty matters (literally), I've been reading "Money Changes Everything", a collection of first person accounts, by various established writers, on their relationship with money. Reading that book made me realize (if I wasn't previously aware of it) that the amount of money we are granted at birth (i.e. our socioeconomic status or, more precisely, that of our parents) has an immense impact on the way we lead our lives in general, and on our relationship with money in particular. For example, studies have shown that rich people, not the poor, tend to plan long-term when it comes to finances - not because they have to, but simply because they can. A surprising result, but it does make sense: for the poor, planning long-term would be useless at best, heart-breaking at worst: 

"Working for minimum wage means that making a long-term budget is an exercise in wishful thinking. You just have however much money you have until you run out, and you pay whatever bill is most overdue first." (Linda Tirado, The Guardian)

What is certain is that it is hard to understand the poor if you've always been rich, just as it is hard to understand the rich if you've always been poor. 

Who, in our consumerist society, lives frugally? The poor, out of sheer necessity? The middle class, who realize after some years in the workforce that the only way they will be able to afford some real luxury is to make sacrifices in other areas? The rich, out of some entertaining challenge they set for themselves in order to make their lives more interesting?

"Is minimalism a first world problem"? 

PROJECT 2016

Project 2016 is in the making!  Are you ready to make real changes in your life? Are you tired of new year resolutions that die after just two weeks? I might have a solution for you. Stay tuned, and to make sure you don't miss anything...

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The Less is More Project: Week 48 - Consumer self-defense

Kanko, Flickr

Minimalist or not, all of us do have to go shopping at least once in a while, even if it was just for groceries.

This time of the year, most of us will multiply their purchases in preparation for the end of year holidays.

It might not feel like it, especially for those of us who spend a good amount of time in stores and have become pro shoppers, but as a consumer, and despite our illusion of choice, we are rather vulnerable. The smartest of us are at the mercy of numerous marketing tactics, each one more cunning than the last.

How do we fight back and avoid wasting our precious money on less than precious items? Let's be prepared.

Location, location, location: Know that you are more likely to buy items located at eye level, at the end of aisles, and by the checkout. Especially if they are colorful and/or sparkly. Do you need those items, or are you having the exact impulse that marketers are looking for? Did you come to the store with that item in mind? You might be better off leaving it there, and if it is still haunting you a month or two later, then go back and buy it. My strategy for those situations is that I usually shop equipped with a list, whether it's for food, clothes, presents, or anything else.

How much will you appreciate it once it's in your home? Objects have a lot of appeal when positioned strategically in a store, in their new, bright and shiny glow. They lose a lot of that appeal once in the house and after a couple uses.

Quantity: Bigger is not always better. What's the best value? If you're going to use a lot of something, bigger packages are often worth it. But not always. To compare accurately between the small, the medium and the big packages, you'll have to be good at mental math. Plus, sometimes, it's better to just go for the amount you can actually consume, instead of buying more just because it's a good deal... and ending up wasting half. (Or feeling like you have to finish it - this is particularly insidious when food is involved.)

Quality: Are brand names better than store brands? In some cases, yet. In some cases it makes no difference whatsoever. When it comes to clothes and outdoor gear, it's usually a good idea to go for quality... but that does not mean you have to buy new. Second hand, high quality items can last quite a while, and often look nicer than new, but low quality, items.

Is the price fair? Studies show that minorities pay more for the same products. For example, equivalent health/beauty products are significantly more expensive when they target women buyers. Women (and ethnic minorities) also end up paying more for the same car, among other things. Are you okay with that? What can you do to vote against this unfair practice?

Preparation: Processed foods come with a higher price tag than foods you will prepare and cook yourself. Would you pay someone $30 an hour to shred your cheese? Because that's the cost it comes to when you calculate the price difference.

How much of your effort is this worth? How many hours do you have to work in order to acquire this item? (Calculate using your net income, not your gross income). I know someone who uses that strategy whenever he sees something he likes: Is this something that's worth an hour, a day, or even a full week of my work?

Do you really want to spend that much? Marilyn Monroe might have sung Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend, I suspect that, as a group, diamond jewelry retailers embrace the saying more than women. Don't feel you have to spend an awful amount on the people you love. Or if you really can and want to spend, pick activities over objects, so that you can create memories together.

Does this item you are about to purchase agree with your ethical standards? Is it fair-trade or was it produced in a sweat shop by underpaid (and possibly underage) people? Does it contribute to intensive deforestation or pollution? Is it good for you? (if it contains added sugar, perfumes, dyes, or simply a lot of plastic, you might want to reconsider).

Remember that a good deal is only a good deal if you need the item, and that although sales are tempting, you will save 100% on any item if you don't buy it.

If you are lucky enough to have leftover money and aren't sure what to do with it, please consider donating it to a charity!

WEEK 48 IN REVIEW

All my holiday shopping is done - mostly a few presents for the kids. It was completed before Black Friday (I don't buy a thing on that specific day). I like to shop early because I know I make better choices when I have time ahead of me, as opposed to feeling rushed to buy something, anything. I also find it less stressful to shop when the stores aren't full (and the clerks aren't overwhelmed and tired). 

Speaking of stress, getting the house ready for the holidays also feels less stressful now that I have been decluttering for so long. Everything has a reason to be in the house, and everything is in its place. Cleaning around that is quick and easy.

Project 2016 is in the making! In the next few weeks, we will report on how 2015 went: struggles, successes, and lessons learned. We will then be ready for a new challenge! Stay tuned, and to make sure you don't miss anything...

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The Less is More Project: Week 47 - Home stretch

Steven Depolo, Flickr

One month until Christmas, and less than six weeks to the New Year. The American Thanksgiving and Black Friday constitute "shopping season kickoff": retailers typically earn a generous portion of their yearly income right before and during the holidays. Meanwhile, simple consumers like you and I dish out an equally generous amount of money from their pockets - or, more precisely, from lending entities (credit card debt, anyone?).

On top of the expenses incurred, many factors contribute to our heightened levels of stress in times when we should either be celebrating, reflecting on the year that's ending, or preparing the one to come.

We are stressed because we want the house to feel, look, smell and sound warm and welcoming for family and friends. But who has time to clean and decorate? 

We are stressed because we want to put special foods and drinks on the table. But what if we don't enjoy cooking and baking? 

We are stressed because we want to find the perfect present for that someone special (or those "someones specials", in many cases). But why are some people so hard to please? (And what about those who "already have everything"?)

We are stressed because we want to look good for the holidays. But shopping for clothes is exhausting, and good hairstylists aren't cheap. 

We are stressed because of all the other season-specific obligations, be they work or family related.

Wasn't this supposed to be the season to be jolly? 

Or was this intended to mean a "jolly ole bag of nerves"? Because if so, we are being remarkable at it.

It doesn't have to be that way. This year, I am delighted to have been invited to contribute to Bethany Rosselit's initiative, the Simplify the Season calendar. Along with other, bigger names such as Adyashanti, Seth Godin, and Tara Brach, I wrote a piece on how to "Simplify the Season". 

To receive the calendar (which will entitle you to all the Simplify the Season articles), you simply have to subscribe via this link, after which you will receive one post per day during the holiday season (beginning this Friday). Bethany has set the price at the pocket change amount of $2. If you were to chose to donate more, the entirety (100%) of the proceeds will be forwarded to an entrepreneur in a third-world country (more details to come on onlinelifecoaching.info). Because 'tis the season for sharing, isn't it?

Bethany Rosselit, onlinelifecoaching.info

WEEK 47 IN REVIEW

I set foot in a shopping mall! Christmas is coming, and the children will receive presents this year as any other year. To simplify the shopping, we asked them to make a list, and to review the first draft to come up with the items they really, really want. 

Then we put said list through the "four gift rule", and decided to get them: 

1. Something they want (a toy/game of their choice - right now they are obsessed with Lego)
2. Something they need (new, good quality mitts for the harsh Canadian winter to come, for example)
3. Something to wear (they grow so fast that it won't be a luxury)
4. Something to read (easy, since they both put specific books on their lists)

And then some chocolate, because Christmas is not Christmas without chocolate.

Whereas between us adults, instead of gifts we will offer each other some quality time: going out to a restaurant or to see a play, for example (but hush! the details are a secret!)

Your turn to share about your struggles and victories of the week! What did you resist? Did you donate or get rid of anything? Did you face any challenge? Please comment below! And...

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The Less is More Project: Week 46 - What it keeps you away from

Mike Licht, Flickr

"All over the place from the popular culture to the propaganda system, there is constant pressure to make people feel that they are helpless, that the only role they can have is to ratify decisions and consume." (Noam Chomsky)

Watched a Noam Chomsky documentary. 

First reaction: isn't it surprising that he would be considered a dissident, since a lot of what he says is just plain common sense? This must be another manifestation of "the truth hurts" phenomenon. 

Second reaction: Chomsky's take on consumerism underlines the fact that consuming takes our attention away from the truly important matters. While we focus on things we own or want to own, we are not focusing on issues that deserve our time and energy.

On Sunday I was giving a talk about "Children and the new technologies". I approached it from a similar angle. Demonizing screens in general and the new technologies in particular is bound for failure, as people usually become defensive rather quickly when they feel their addiction is under attack (not mincing my words here). So I started by acknowledging the benefits of being able to carry a phone + a camera + a computer in one unique portable device, as well as the wonders of having access to any and all information at the tip of our fingers, anywhere, anytime (plus the ease with which we can communicate with each other). The problem, I said, is not limited to what happens while we are using the new technologies; it also involves what does not happen. Regarding children in particular, one thing they definitely are not doing while staring at screen, big or small, is move. And movement is vital. Especially for children.

Children present at the talk commented on how hard it is to get their parents' attention when the latter are looking at their phones or tablets. Could the devices that were supposed to bring us closer literally constitute a screen between us and our family members, preventing us from truly interacting?

What do you think is taken away from you while you focus on money and stuff, be it fashionable items or electronics?

WEEK 46 IN REVIEW

For an obscure reason, many of this week's conversations with friends and family members revolved around their struggle with debt: student loans, credit card debt, and various monthly payments that are putting a damper on their well-being. What struck me is that most of the individuals I talked with are far from living in poverty. 

Why do you think well-off people struggle with debt?

Your turn to share about your struggles and victories of the week! What did you resist? Did you donate or get rid of anything? Did you face any challenge? Please comment below! And...

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