Mindfulness - The over thinking trap

markheybo, Flickr

“I swear to you, sirs, that excessive consciousness is a disease - a genuine, absolute disease.” (Fyodor Dostoevsky)

Have you ever been accused of "thinking too much?" Many years ago, I was (it might have happened more than once). I found it insulting. To me, thinking a lot has always been the sign of a healthy, active intellect. Thinking a lot means that you are developing important skills such as problem solving and critical thinking, and that you are - hopefully - becoming clear-sighted.

Is it the same as mindfulness?

Mindfulness invites us to be actively attentive, present, conscious, aware. In addition, mindfulness implies the absence of judgment: our feelings and our thoughts are to be observed, not judged, as they are neither good nor bad - they simply are. But even without judging what goes through our mind (instead accepting it "as is"), we can feel tempted to dissect, examine, scrutinize. It can be useful, too. So how do we know when to stop?

This is something I have been struggling with, as I do not quite know where to draw the line between paying attention and actually over analyzing things. Being aware is great; thinking until exhaustion, not so much. Meditation, in particular, is described as the tool we use to overcome discursive thinking. But what about focused, logical thinking? Is it to be avoided?

What I have come to realize (with the help of mindful meditation) is that thinking is like working out: doing it regularly is a good idea, but taking regular breaks is just as critical. Just like over training is bad for the body, over thinking is bad for the mind. As Herbert Benson would say: you need to "give your mind a rest from [...] mental onslaughts or loops of thinking".

Indeed, after a bout of thinking, our mind needs a rest. That is particularly true for reflections that address profound, disturbing, or potentially life-changing issues. Thinking about those is draining. Do analyze the situation, but also let it simmer. A thought won't get lost if it is an important one. You might not have found all the answers yet, you still need a break from thinking. Know when you've had too much. Recognize the thoughts that are swirling, becoming obsessive, turning into anxiety. Give your thinking a rest.

For more on the practice of not-thinking, click here.

Mindfulness this Week

Do you ever find yourself over thinking? 
How does it feel? 
How do you deal with it?

Be part of the process: 

Submit your comments below

Become a follower of the blog/subscribe by email (top left corner of this page)

Follow me on Facebook (click here)

Follow me on Twitter (click here)

Mindfulness - Stillness

h.koppdelaney, Flickr

"If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, 
live in the moment, live in the breath." 

(Amit Ray)

Did you slow something down this week? I hope you were able to give yourself the gift of a more reasonable pace. As we slow down our movements, the hamster wheel in our head also tends to slow down. That allows a growing awareness to come to the surface, which in turn helps us make better decisions: 

1. We finish one thing before moving on to the next (in our actions but also in thought), which brings about better results and lower stress levels
2. We feel a simple need before it becomes overwhelming, and fulfill it right away: thirst, hunger, fatigue, and even the need to use the washroom
3. We notice that we are feeling tense, uneasy, and that it translates into our mood (irritable), body posture (furrowed eyebrows, clenched jaws or fists, raised shoulders), and breath (shallow and fast) - we regain power over those manifestations of stress, the next step being the recognition and tackling of what caused that stress (A thought? An event? The presence of a person?)
4. We realize that we need a break before things get worse: we go to bed earlier instead of carrying exhaustion from one day to the next; we apply ice to an injury before inflammation sets in; we tackle a budding migraine immediately; we allow ourselves a moment to reflect on a stressful situation
5. We avoid conflict by being present to the real issues at play instead of reacting impulsively and "taking things personal": we know it's not always "about us", but rather about an unfulfilled need or a discomfort that belongs to our interlocutor - seeing things from that angle helps us keep our calm

The magic thing about slowing down is that it eventually leads to the ability to experience stillness. That stillness itself doesn't have to last very long. What matters more than its duration is the quality of that stillness. Here are some examples:

1. We can pause during a conversation and really listen to what others are saying instead of planning our next response
2. We can pause during a meal and really savour what we're eating
3. We can pause when interacting with nature and appreciate its beauty - it can be as simple as the song of a bird as you step outside, the colors in the sky, the smell of a flower, or even a ray of light coming into the house - nature is right outside the window but we often ignore it
4. We can pause while music plays, and give it our full attention
5. We can pause during a hug and feel our "heart melt"
6. We can pause during a stretch to feel how good it is for our muscles
7. We can simply pause for a few deep breaths

Even a short pause, if it is made of true stillness, is often enough to "reset" our mind and body. Will you try it this week?


Mindfulness this Week

This week, find moments to take a real pause and be still, even if it was only for a minute or two. If you give yourself that gift, I am certain that you will feel the difference. Then share about your discoveries!

Be part of the process: 

Submit your comments below

Become a follower of the blog/subscribe by email (top left corner of this page)

Follow me on Facebook (click here)

Follow me on Twitter (click here)

The Less is More Project: Week 50 - Minimalism explained to children

Ann Jutatip, Flickr

A child of mine, the "stylish" one, was complaining once again that she does not have enough clothes, or that too many of them are hand-me-downs from her sister. A few years ago, the "clothes question" had become so annoying (read: a tantrum every morning when it was time to get dressed) that we had eventually removed all clothes from her bedroom (which was a lot, as both her dresser and closet were bursting at the seams), and resolved to pick her daily outfit ourselves, even if that went against my philosophy of autonomy. That strategy had proved successful: presented with no choice at all, said child would quietly comply and put on whatever we had picked for her. What she needed was not more choice (despite all her claims) - what she needed was less choice. 

She was not the first nor the last person to feel overwhelmed in such a situation: faced with too many options, human beings have a harder time making choices, and can even experience anxiety.

Eventually, her clothes went back to her room, as she had grown older and more mature, and was now able to chose her daily outfit in all serenity. But recently, she paid us a nice nostalgic revisiting of the good old times with a new "clothes crisis". 

Unfortunately for her, she did not know (or did not remember) who she was dealing with. Faced with her tantrum, I did not get upset. I did not ignore her complaints either. No. I did much "worst": I organized a little crash course on psychology, social inequality and environmental sustainability... just for her.

When dealing with someone who does not quite understand something, and especially when they exhibit a defensive or even hostile attitude, I like to begin with questions. And so I started with this one:

What are some of the things that we sometimes refuse to buy for you, that you would like to have?

She was quick to find examples:

• Electronics
• Junk food
• Candy
• More clothes
• More toys

My second question quickly followed: 

And why is that? Why do we say no to those things on a regular basis?

The answer to this was harder for her to formulate (she did mention the fact that junk food is "not good for you"). It was now my turn to explain why we are being such cruel parents:

1) Your own well-being. Doctors and psychologists agree that owning and using electronics regularly is not good for children. The same is obviously true for eating junk food and candy. As for extra clothes and toys, we know that owning too many things does not make a person happier; it can even make you more miserable.

2) Other people's well-being. Who makes the clothes, toys, and electronics you want? Poor, underpaid, underage people who work in difficult, often dangerous, settings. Do we want to support that? It was easy to illustrate my point. I showed her this video of a 9 year-old girl who works 12-hour shifts in a sweatshop in Bangladesh. Putting things in perspective, you said?

3) The planet's well-being. Every time an object is made, it creates pollution. The less we buy, the less objects will be made, and the less pollution will be created.

I truly believe in children's ability to understand the underlying reasons for choices and actions; because of that, I will keep explaining things. Who knows what the next topic will be?

WEEK 50 IN REVIEW

2015 is coming to an end, and people ask me what I am most impatient to buy once the project is over. My answer is simple: nothing at all. I do not crave any more belongings. A year was more than enough to find detachment from the material sphere. More than any desire to start shopping again, I have a desire to stay on the minimalist path, for I have discovered the well-being that accompanies it.

PROJECT 2016

Project 2016 is in the making!  Are you ready to make real changes in your life? Are you tired of new year resolutions that die after just two weeks? I might have a solution for you. Stay tuned, and to make sure you don't miss anything...

Become a follower of the blog/subscribe by email (top left corner of this page)!

Follow me on Facebook (click here)!

Follow me on Twitter (click here)!