Mindfulness - The real problem with time

Nick J Webb, Flickr

"If we worship money, we'll never feel truly abundant. 

If we worship power, recognition, and fame, we'll never feel we have enough. And if we live our lives madly rushing around, trying to find and save time, 

we'll always find ourselves living in a time famine, frazzled and stressed." 

(Ariana Huffington)

Do you find yourself rummaging for time, desperately trying to go through your to-do list, always tired, always frustrated?

I know I do. A few months ago, I even tried to create a detailed weekly plan that would incorporate everything I want (or need) to do; paid work, household chores, quality time with loved ones, running, swimming, going to the gym, practicing the guitar, writing articles for an increasing number of publications. To my great despair, and no matter how I tried to move things around, it simply didn't fit - especially given the fact that I wanted the supreme luxury of also sleeping 8 hours per night. 

There is nothing original about my quest for hours, nor is there with my ongoing frustration with the unfinished state of so many of my ventures: as a working parent of the new millenium, I am in good company.

Not content to simply accept this state of affairs, I decided to dig deeper: Why do we feel so pressed for time while living in comfort and privilege? Does it have to be that way? How can we create for ourselves a schedule that has a more organic pace, while still reaching at least some of our goals?

The more I researched the topic, and the more I experimented with my use of time (this summer, for example, was the first in many years that I did not create a long to-do list for myself), the more I realized that the real problem is not time. Our stressed out and frustrated state originates from a few other factors:

Expectations

Simply put, many of us tend to underestimate the time it will take to do something. I am definitely guilty of that. The first step toward regaining control over our use of time might be to actually set aside enough time to accomplish the things we want to accomplish. If, like me, you also struggle to remain focused on the task at hand (I can barely empty a dishwasher without researching something on Google halfway through), you may want to plan even more time. Which takes us to the next factor: 

Attention

No matter how much time you spend on a task, if you are not focused on it, you are not making progress. It doesn't matter if you are distracted by others (external interruptions) or by yourself (daydreaming, multitasking). A block of time devoted to something must indeed be devoted to it! How to accomplish that? Monotask. Take the necessary steps to avoid being disrupted (There is a sign on my home office door that reads "Keep calm and do not disturb - I am working"). And plan regular breaks.

Energy

Time is a finite resource. Energy is not. So what really matters is not how much we work, but how we use our energy. One of the main lessons I have learned from running is to pace myself. That could mean going slower than what comes "naturally", or taking a break before you think you need one. This, I realized, applies to any sort of activity: physical, intellectual, even emotional.

If I try to go too fast, or if I fail to rest when I need it, then I end up being way less efficient, which wastes my time. When we do that on a regular basis, a common consequence is to engage in "numbing activities" to compensate for the unpleasantness - this is how so many of us end up over eating, drinking, shopping, staring at a screen for hours, etc. I'm not okay with wasting my time numbing pain and discomfort with bad habits that most likely have side effects. Instead, I am coming to terms with "unproductive" activity (sleeping, daydreaming, reading, listening to music)  that provides me with rest or pleasure.

Priorities

"Most people are living at such a furious pace that they rarely stop to ask themselves what they stand for and who they want to be. As a consequence, they let external demands dictate their actions." (Tony Schwartz and Catherine McCarthy) 

I stopped counting the number of times I heard time-starved moms - myself included - apologize for not baking/cooking the dish they were bringing to a party, or for not welcoming their guests into an immaculate house... as if getting something from the grocery store and living in a house that looks, well, lived-in, was a venial sin of some sort. To avoid the guilt - and the ensuing apology - a lot of us will try to cram such extra demands into a schedule that is already bursting at the seams. Enough already! Do those things really matter that much?

Like a teacher sets end goals, then breaks them down in small, incremental steps for her students, we should set life goals, determine the intermediate steps, and ensure that our time is indeed devoted to those goals on a daily basis. Any activity that does not lead to the fulfillment of those main goals can be tossed aside. 

Unfortunately, it is very easy to confuse our own personal goals with those that society imposes on us. Based on the current, mainstream definition of success, for example, I should be spending most of my time trying to impress others by 1) making sure I (and my family, and my house, etc.) look their best and "coolest" at all times, including on social media; 2) becoming famous (or making my kids famous, by extension); 3) making lots of money.

The problem is, those endeavors often prove exhausting, and may fail to provide the fulfillment we are looking for. I have written about how, when my translation business was at its height (and with it my income), I felt more fatigue, stress and frustration than any happiness I might have been looking for. I have since then decided to slow down on the career front, and I genuinely feel much better for it.

Meanwhile, other activities that seemed far less glamorous than a lucrative start-up, and which had fell through the cracks, regained importance in my eyes as I realized they actually fit some of my main priorities. Walking in nature and listening to the rain or birds, or spending time washing and cutting up veggies, seems rather banal and, again, unproductive. But when setting my priorities, eating (and feeding my family) healthy, and making sure I engage in peaceful, meditative activities on a daily basis, made it to the top 10 - meaning those activities should indeed be part of my daily life - even if that means sacrificing other activities. 

Less is more

The fear of missing out is a potent feeling, exacerbated by the plethora of choices modern life offers. Is it because my father passed away suddenly at 50, long before he could enjoy any bit of retirement, making it all so clear that the clock is ticking? I have felt an intense pressure to "make the most of life". When left unattended, that pressure can suck enjoyment out of life, which is the last thing we want to happen. I now know that what I need is not to do more things in general, but to strive and be in the moment, whatever I am doing (or not doing).

And so, counterintuitive as it may seem, in order to feel at peace with our use of time, we might need to do less, not more. To learn to sit or walk in silence, to stare into space, without guilt.

Which is exactly what I practiced this summer. There is no endless list of activities on my fridge, with little checkmarks all over it. This summer I took life day by day. Consequently, I spent more time on "unproductive" activities such as reading, chatting with friends and family, and even sleeping. It wasn't always comfortable, but I got used to that slower, more organic, pace. Interestingly, the top priorities still got done (e.g. repainting the decks, organizing the basement). Was this summer better or worse than the previous ones? Neither. But it was certainly less stressful. Will I have regrets? Probably not.

Mindfulness this Week

Have you changed your relationship with time?
How do you make sure you respect your pace, energy levels and priorities?
Do you find it hard to set realistic expectations, and to maintain your focus?

Be part of the process: 

Submit your comments below

Become a follower of the blog/subscribe by email (top left corner of this page)

Follow me on Facebook (click here)

Follow me on Twitter (click here)

Mindfulness - Self-knowledge and compassion

Muffet, Flickr

“The most fundamental aggression to ourselves, the most fundamental harm
 we can do to ourselves, is to remain ignorant by not having the courage 
and the respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently.” 

― Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times

One of my main findings, after two months of practicing mindfulness meticulously, is that I have been, in my life, ignoring (or downplaying) some very real aspects of who I am. By paying attention to my internal state (and the concomitant external circumstances), I am realizing that I still have much to learn and implement when it comes to respecting myself.

Throughout our lives, expectations are put upon us, and we internalize many of those expectations : this is how I should behave, what I should look like, the choices I should make, how productive I should be, etc. We internalize all of it so well that in some cases, we are not even aware that it is not "the real us".

Unfortunately, choosing to ignore (or doing so unconsciously) our true nature, our specific needs and our unique limits can only backfire. Simply think of an introvert who would force himself into more social gatherings than he can handle, or an extrovert who would fail to fulfill her social interaction needs, and you get the idea: both would feel miserable. 

Chronic limitations

Identifying our limits can lead to either one of the following: 1) it can lead us to renounce our goals altogether, or 2) it can lead us to set goals that are more realistic. Personally, I opt for the latter. For example, I have never let my - moderate - asthma get in the way of being active, and I even became a long-distance runner. But I have had to remain attentive to the limits that my asthma imposes, respect my own pace, and accept that no level of training will make me a super fast runner (my half-marathon PB is around the two-hour mark, while most of the same-age friends whom I trained with run it at least a couple minutes faster). 

If you have the same, or any other, physical or mental affliction, it is sometimes easier to deny it - after all, who wants to admit that they have health limitations, and that those health limitations get in the way of their aspirations, or even a "normal life"? The fact is, whether you acknowledge them or not, your limitations exist. They do not disappear through magical thinking. Another personal example: I have learned the hard way (despite all my initial resistance) that I have to address the first symptoms of a migraine vigorously, lest it turns much, much worse. Believe me, I do not enjoy cancelling plans or taking medication, but sometimes, it is a necessity.

Noticing and acknowledging our limits is not to be used as a pretext for giving up. I am all for pushing one's limits, and excessive self-indulgence definitely qualifies as one of my pet peeves. I know that in order to accomplish things and reach goals, hard work and discomfort is necessary. I am also all too aware that living and/or working with others requires compromise and good will - anything one person decides not to do ends up on somebody else's plate one way or another. However, I am becoming increasingly aware that ignoring one's limits often turns counterproductive.

Always pragmatic, I try and turn my self-awareness into a call to action to myself. Instead of sitting on my bum, I like to take matters in my own hands. For example, I have noticed that I can keep a lot of physical and emotional pain at bay by exercising regularly. I don't always feel like it, but time and experience has shown that it's worth it. I have also noticed that I waste my precious energy by trying to remain focused for a long time: with my short attention span, breaking down any task into smaller bits really is the way to go, whether I like it or not. The nice thing about it is that when I respect that particular pace and style of mine, I actually accomplish a lot.  

Temporary limitations

Sometimes, a given limitation is temporary. One of the best decisions I made when my father passed away, for example, was to allow myself to feel the pain, and to allow myself as much time as I needed to grieve. I did not give up my life and activities, but I cut myself some much needed slack, instead of insisting on "business as usual".

By knowing ourselves and our limitations better, by respecting our personal pace and style, we get rid of much frustration and guilt, and we end up getting more done, not less.

Get more done, feel better: it all starts with self-knowledge and compassion.

For more on knowing oneself:

Know Thyself
Who am I


Mindfulness this Week

I will be in sync with my optimal mode of functioning and any particular needs or limitations I may have. 

Tell us what you come up with.

Be part of the process: 

Submit your comments below

Become a follower of the blog/subscribe by email (top left corner of this page)

Follow me on Facebook (click here)

Follow me on Twitter (click here)

Mindfulness - Making good habits

Dafne Cholet, Flickr

Getting rid of bad habits is important, but making new ones is just as critical. 

First, because you can't simply let go of a bad habit without replacing it with another, better one: facing the void is too hard, especially when the reason the bad habit exists in the first place is to cover some deep dissatisfaction. Personal anecdote: A dietitian I once consulted for advice on how to stop eating my emotions (I would go for sweets whenever I felt tired, stressed or bored) recommended that I find another pleasant activity to engage in, ideally an activity that would prevent me from eating sweets, such as going for a brisk walk, talking to a friend, or taking a bubble bath. 

Second, because good habits are the number one step toward structuring our life in a way that enables us to live according to our values, and reach our goals. Forget about your bad habits: the only way you will build a life that makes you feel good about yourself is by adopting good habits.

The thing is, implementing (and maintaining) good habits is hard. That's because it takes us out of our comfort zone... but I think it is also because we look at them from the wrong angle: we see good habits as things we "should" do... if only we were a "good" person. I have a different take on them: good habits are the things that ultimately make you feel good, physically and mentally. Therefore, good habits are a gift we give ourselves. NOT some sort of painful coercion.

Of course, going from theory to practice takes some time - and a lot of mindfulness. We need to reconnect with how we really feel. We - erroneously - tend to think that our bad habits are what makes us feel good: after all, spending, eating, drinking and the like tend to give us a "high" which we tend to confuse with actual happiness. Paying attention and being honest with ourselves is the only way to rediscover the true source of well-being. (No, bingeing on beer or chocolate cake is NOT it.)

We also need to take baby steps. It will be difficult, but the beautiful thing about good habits is that they generalize to other good habits: for example, my first yoga instructor used to say that when she started meditating, she automatically started eating healthier, even if she had not consciously planned to. I believe this is true for many good habits. (Smokers who start running have an easier time letting go of smoking.) I personally still tend to gravitate toward sweets when I am tired or dehydrated... so I make sure to sleep enough and to drink water throughout the day - those two good habits help me resist a bad one.

Which takes us to some of the good habits you might want to start forming. (I recommend starting with one, and only adding additional good habits one at a time, when the previous one is more or less "mastered".)


You could make it a habit to:

• Go to bed earlier
• Wake up half an hour earlier in order to squeeze in some exercise or some meditation (both wonderful ways to start a day, they energize AND make you peaceful at the same time)
• Eat a tall glass of water as soon as you get up, and carry a water bottle with you all day
• Include actual fruit with each breakfast (better than juice)
• Carry a healthy snack with you for sudden cravings
• Make sure both lunch and supper include a big portion of vegetables
• Walk or bike whenever possible (as opposed to taking the car)
• Do simple body weight exercises and stretches while you watch TV (if you watch TV)
• Do a quiet activity before bedtime, such as reading a book, writing a gratitude journal, or taking a bath

Whether I "feel like it" or not, I know for a fact that whenever I include those good habits in my daily life, I feel much better. Even if the rest of the day doesn't go quite according to plan, I know that I did at least a few things right, and I feel more motivated to make other right choices.

What new habit do you feel like making?


Mindfulness this Week


I will look at my daily schedule and see if I can tweak a few things in order to include more of the "right choices". I will NOT focus on my bad choices. I will trust that by implementing good habits, the bad ones will slowly fade away.

Tell us what you come up with.

Be part of the process: 


Submit your comments below

Become a follower of the blog/subscribe by email (top left corner of this page)

Follow me on Facebook (click here)

Follow me on Twitter (click here)

Mindfulness - Slow Down

smlp, Flickr

"One of the best pieces of advice I ever got was from a horse master. He told me to go slow to go fast. I think that applies to everything in life. We live as though there aren't enough hours in the day but if we do each thing calmly and carefully we will get it done quicker and with much less stress." 
(Viggo Mortensen)

We have been paying more attention to our lives, and noticing our internal state as well as the external circumstances, whenever possible. We have made interesting discoveries (go back to the previous posts for some examples, both in the text and in the comments). 

Despite those efforts to apply a mindful attitude to our daily life, I am willing to bet that in most circumstances, most of us are still operating on auto-pilot. We are oblivious to many of our own feelings and sensations. We react more than we act, based on past experiences, habitual patterns, and assumptions about what constitutes the right way to live our life. If we stay on this path, no significant progress can be made. We will continue to feel tense, frustrated, inadequate, guilty.

Time to deepen our awareness.

But why "waste our time on awareness", some will think, when there are more urgent matters to take care of? Our lives are unsatisfactory (and, for many, rather hectic). We don't want to use our precious time for reflection. We want results. It's understandable.

The truth is, no real awareness, and thus no true change, is possible without first slowing down. It's hard to see clearly when your mind and body are rushing. A while ago, I had this conversation with D: 

Me: I feel like I'm running all the time, without making any progress
D: You must be running in the wrong direction

Those sage words left me pensive. Running in the wrong direction sounds like a deplorable waste of time and energy, doesn't it? I have a feeling it is precisely what most of us are doing. But how can we really tell unless we first slow down?

I will admit that slowing down is hard, especially in a society like ours. Being busy and/or rushed is worn like a badge of honor. Don't we feel somewhat suspicious of people who don't have much to do? Don't we look down on them? Even if it was out of envy?

Add to that the speed technology has gotten us used to (the speed at which images change on TV and in movies, the speed at which we access information and each other), and it's no wonder our minds and bodies feel so frantic. I have stopped counting the number of friends and family members who have told me that "yoga is too slow" for them, let alone meditation. I don't think it's an idiosyncrasy; I think it's a reflection of our society's hasty pace. It takes time to get used to go slow.

"But I don't have time to slow down", many will say. I get that. Believe me, I do. I work full-time on top of trying to kick start my freelance writing business and training for races; I have two kids, three pets, a house and a big yard. If you asked me how often I feel on top of things, I would reply without hesitation: "never". But I have also noticed that rushing made no significant difference. Worse, it sometimes creates additional problems.

Driving fast, for example, will save you one or two minutes at best, but will raise your stress level and put you more at risk for accidents. The same applies to most daily activities: eating fast, talking fast, brushing your teeth fast... it doesn't really give you more time, but more importantly, it's stressful for your mind and body. What happens when you rush all day? Eventually, you collapse. You collapse on your couch each night, bag of chips in hand, and mindlessly surf the channels until bed time. You collapse mentally and can't focus at work or can't handle daily stresses (e.g. your kids drive you crazy). A burnout is around the corner. You collapse physically and get ill. 

Here's my long-distance runner piece of advice: pace yourself so you can last. When you slow down, you don't accomplish less. In fact, you may very well accomplish more; by doing things at a realistic pace and paying attention to what's going on, you don't get to the exhausted state (mentally, physically), which in turn means that you don't need to "compensate" with your usual addictions, whatever they are (eating, drinking, smoking, shopping, gaming, etc.)

In addition, most things benefit from being done slower:

• eat slower, drink slower (so you know when you're full)
• talk slower (so you have time to think it over; also, listen more)
• read slower (so that ideas make their way to your mind)
• walk slower (so you notice the beauty around you)
• make love slower (so you enjoy it better)
• etc.

If speed was what matters the most, we wouldn't take the time to sip on coffee. We would pop a caffeine pill and go on with our day. 

How does this apply to other aspects of your life?

Mindfulness this Week

This week, do something slower. It doesn't matter what it is. Pick something and systematically do it slower, with more awareness. Tell us how it felt!

Be part of the process: 

Submit your comments below

Become a follower of the blog/subscribe by email (top left corner of this page)

Follow me on Facebook (click here)

Follow me on Twitter (click here)

The Less is More Project: Week 23 - Inspiration everywhere!

JSM, 2015

Inspiration. It comes in all shapes and sizes. Oftentimes, when I write, the words that appear on the - virtual - page seem to have been whispered in my ear by a mysterious "voice" rather than created by my own brain. The word inspiration itself refers to "divine guidance". On the etymology of "inspire": 

Middle English enspire, from Old French inspirer, from Latin inspirare ‘breathe or blow into,’ from in- ‘into’ + spirare ‘breathe.’ The word was originally used of a divine or supernatural being, in the sense ‘impart a truth or idea to someone.’ (Source: Google)

Divine/supernatural or not, I feel like many writers (or artists, or composers) have experienced this peculiar phenomenon of receiving inspiration "from above".

It might not be quite as glamorous, but this week, I received inspiration for the blog in many, unrelated ways. I did not have to look very far for ideas - they just kept popping in front of me! See for yourself:

I watched a travel documentary. The first part was about Turkey. It was an organized trip for a group of North Americans. Despite all the interesting visits (nature and culture oriented), I quickly noticed how half of the planned activities had to do with shopping. What is it about traveling that entices people to try and find as much stuff as possible to bring back home? I have traveled a lot (read: over 20 different countries), yet I have brought back pretty much... nothing. Wait. Actually, I have brought back a lot. A lot of wonderful memories, that is.

The second part of the documentary was about Israel. The approach was completely different. The reporter went off the beaten track and visited a remote kibbutz. A very small and simple one, too. There were no luxuries to be found there, for sure. Basic lodging, some gardening, some goats, a slow-paced life. I loved how each interviewee seemed so calm and peaceful. But what I loved even more was how one of them said "We don't have much, but we have enough, and we have each other".

This weekend I participated in a Spartan Race. Not only was it demanding in itself (8 km of steep uphills and downhills + 20 obstacles), the weather made everything even harder: it was cold, it was raining, and the ground was just mud puddles of various depths. After a final, giant leap over fire (literally), I humbly received my medal (for finishing - let's not get too excited here) and went home for THE best hot shower in my entire life, followed by THE best snack in my entire life. Truly, the wonders of being warm, dry and fed are understated.

A friend gave me a magazine she had finished reading. I opened it at a random page. If showed the picture of a pair of high heels, with the following legend: "Instant lift. I reward myself with retail therapy - I'm a shoe fanatic. Price: $850." (I'll abstain from commenting on this one.)

Finally, some remarks I heard from the mouths of my friends this week. The first, talking about an acquaintance, exclaimed: "She ONLY owns ONE TV!" The other, upon opening my linen closet, exclaimed: "OMG, how many hand towels do you own?!?" (In my defense, I have never bought one - they all came from well-meaning grand-mothers. I have given some away, but maybe I can still work on said linen closet. Pretty sure it contains more than 100 items. As for the TV, I have "only" one, and barely ever watch it.)

WEEK 23 IN REVIEW

Temptations

This week, the "Temptations" rubric is officially eliminated from the blog.

Donations (good riddance)

Still more clothes. I'm surprised at the amount of clothes I can get rid of without experiencing any undesirable effects... (Wait. That sentence could be interpreted in all kinds of ways!!! LOL)


Observations and cogitations

Almost halfway through the challenge and I can't say there's even one thing I regret donating or not acquiring. Hmm...



Your turn to share about your struggles and victories of the week! What did you resist? Did you donate or get rid of anything? Did you face any challenge? Please comment below! And...

Become a follower of the blog/subscribe by email (top left corner of this page)!

Follow me on Facebook (click here)!

Follow me on Twitter (click here)!

The Less is more Project: Week 12 - Building the life you want

Storebukkebruse, Flickr

Spring cleaning time!

As you gradually become aware and get rid of superfluous possessions, activities and even relationships, you will probably want to replace them with things, pursuits and people that really matter to you. But instilling revised priorities in your life is rarely an easy task. Making new habits, just like making new connections, takes time and dedication (and some amount of trial and error).

Get running

Allowing ourselves to be defeated, however, is not an option. Obstacles are in your way? Just tackle them one by one. For as long as I can remember, for example, I wanted to be a runner. Slight problem: I suffer from asthma. As I was to discover once I started covering miles, I also have a tendency for various running injuries. It took a long time for me to finally achieve my goal of running a half-marathon. If I had focused on the difficulties, I would have abandoned early. But instead I decided to 1) get the help I needed (which could be, depending on your issues, a mentor, a trainer, a physio, a doctor, etc.) and 2) be consistent about my training (and cross training). A little bit almost every day, with a gradual increase in time, distance and intensity, eventually showed results. Spring is a great time to start running. I encourage you to give it a try!

Get writing

There is something else I have wanted to be ever since I was aware of the possibility: a writer. I have always written. Between a personal diary, a collection of pen-pals, the writing contests I participated in, my Master's degree in creative writing and this blog, I have always spent a lot of time writing, and felt great about it. When it came to publishing for money, however, I was not so confident. According to pretty much everyone who has tried, publishing is hard: no matter how good a writer you are, you need to master the art of the "pitch", which implies a very specific writing style. On top of that, your stories have to be a good fit (in contents and in timing) for the publisher... otherwise they will likely end up in the recycling bin. Rejection is common and a thick skin is a requirement. Thanks to the lessons learned from running, I knew I needed both accountability and sustained effort in order to reach my writing goals. I asked a writing friend to be my "coach" (in exchange, I would train her for a race). And I wrote. Daily. When inspiration was not there, I focused on my web presence instead - it was a form of cross training. Just like running, writing does not always go well. Some days you wonder why you even bother at all. But if you keep at it, the results are sure to show. Here is a recent published article of mine - click here (warning: it's about sex).

Now that you are eliminating what should not be part of your life, what are you replacing it with? What changes are you making? What challenges do you face, and what strategies are helpful? Please share in the comments.

WEEK 12 IN REVIEW

Temptations

Call me masochistic: I went to the shopping mall. That's where my hairdresser is located, and I needed a cut. It was hard to walk by all the stores knowing that I would not purchase anything, even if I saw something nice (which I did). Spring is here, and it's all the more tempting to "refresh" your wardrobe. I had to remind myself that I don't need anything. (This should become my new mantra.)

Donations (good riddance)

In the past week, we received over a meter (more than 40 inches) of snow. Dealing with that (shoveling) and the ensuing cancellations (school, March Break camps, etc.) means I have been running behind, work wise. This is also income tax and report cards time. Consequently, I have been very busy, and I did not donate anything this week. I will make up for it next week.

Observations

I bought a new pair of weightlifting gloves. The previous ones were disintegrating and pretty much useless. The dead lifts, the chin ups and the monkey bars (I am training for a Spartan) were very unpleasant without gloves (as if they were not challenging enough as it is). I am aware that for many people, weightlifting gloves are not a priority. This is an individual matter. There are many things I can live without that most people consider essential, but I don't want my training to be affected by a simple lack of gloves.

Limiting your purchases to real needs is a great way to discover where your priorities are.

Cogitations

One of the main reasons I embarked on this Less is More project was to become more mindful of my consumption habits. I felt like I was not fully appreciating the things I owned and acquired anymore. 

If life has been reasonably good to you from a material point of view, you have the ability, even if it is occasional, to splurge. Whether you splurge on inexpensive things (like filling your shopping cart at the dollar store), on moderately priced items (such as clothes/accessories when you buy for no other reason than "feeling like it") or on high-end items (e.g. regularly adding to a sports car collection), whenever you go on a shopping frenzy you experience mindless consumption. You are giving yourself a high, but you are also robbing yourself of the real appreciation of acquiring one new item that you have dreamed about for a long time. By shopping less, you will make the act special again.

Or... maybe, after refraining from buying anything for an extended period, you will feel less tempted to go shopping altogether? This might be happening to me. 



What did you resist this week? Did you donate or get rid of anything? Did you face any challenge? Please comment below! And...

Become a follower of the blog/subscribe by email (top left corner of this page)!

Follow me on Facebook (click here)!

The Less is More project: Week 6 - The case of clothes

Jason Hargrove, Flickr

In Not Buying It - My Year Without Shopping, one of the first things the author, Judith Levine, falls for (hence breaking her rules) is a pair of high-tech, high-priced socks. Turns out clothes are a common vice, even for those who endeavour to buy less. I am no exception, as you will discover in today's confessions.

In 1993, after my first summer of working regular hours (as opposed to occasional babysitting), I indulged and bought myself a $140 sweater (around $200 in today's dollars). I remember my friend K's stunned reaction : "You really are going to spend that much on one piece of clothing?" My response was somewhere in the vicinity of "I love it, and I have the money, so why not?"

This was only the beginning of my relationship to fashion. 

In fact, it wasn't really the beginning at all. Years before, as I had entered - private - middle school, and influenced by my peers' take on fashion, I started insisting on my parents only buying me brand/designer clothes. Certain stores were to be avoided at all costs - I couldn't fathom being seen in "cheap clothes". The ideal article of clothing, in my young teenager's mind, featured a tiny embroidered horse or crocodile.

I was a total preppy... and proud of it.

I was also becoming dangerously snob. 

In the years that were to follow, I would often be found reading women's magazines, which in no way helped the situation, as you can imagine. I don't even think I had that good of a taste in fashion, to be honest - everything I wore was rather plain - but I definitely was looking for quality, tag, and price (the higher the better!)

Later on, when I had children, they became an extension of my fashion persona. Living in Montreal, I was surrounded by parents who treated their kids as a fashion statement. It just seemed like the thing to do. Drool and overflowing diapers were not to get in the way of looking fabulous. And all the children's clothes boutiques! How could I resist. We went shopping often.

Nowadays, living in the countryside (in the woods would be more accurate), and consuming significantly less media in general, I feel less pressure to look my best. Fashionistas do not abound here, and the ones who do have a sense of style promptly change into more comfortable clothes the moment they get back from work. Whenever I've gone to the playground wearing anything else but jeans and a t-shirt, I was greeted with a "Wow! You're all dressed up! Anything special going on today?"

I am not, however, completely cured of my "fashion addiction". As I discovered long-distance running and also started going to the gym on a regular basis, a new problem emerged: I became obsessed with workout clothes. I currently devote one very big drawer to them, and it is overflowing: I had to find some space in my closet for the thicker, cold weather running pieces. I could literally work out every day for two weeks without having to wash anything. Yet sport clothes still have an irresistible appeal - it is torture for me to not buy any new pieces. Why, oh why?

Perhaps it's because we don't, in affluent societies, relate to clothing as a basic need. Fashion is, by definition, the ultimate example of planned obsolescence. Trends are ephemeral. Following them is a status statement in itself. You are not buying clothes to fulfill a basic need (a couple season-appropriate pieces would suffice for that), but rather, you are buying clothes "because you can". You wear them not to cover your body, but to express your personality, your values,  your belonging to a certain group, your taste, and, in more cases than we think, your wealth - it takes money to replace your clothes before they even start wearing out.

In 1932's Scarface movie, Tony Camonte rejoices about being able to wear "a new shirt every day". Based on how common "wearing a new shirt every day" has become, one has to wonder what constitutes a need when it comes to clothing.

What's the problem with wanting to look good, you might ask. Well, there are a couple. For one thing, the creation of apparel has quite a significant impact on the environment. As Juliet Schor reminds us in True Wealth, "it requires 2000 liters of water to produce one T-shirt and 8000 for a pair of leather shoes". That's just one example. And what about the social side of the question? Heard of the sweatshops lately? The conditions in which the garments we wear are created are often unacceptable from an ethical standpoint (click here for more info). Do we want to support that?

To borrow the words of Mark Boyle in The Moneyless Man: "Most of us don't have the faintest idea that our daily shopping habits are so destructive".

To relieve some of my guilt, I have become an adept of thrift and consignment stores. If you have the time and patience, they truly are fun places to go, with the added bonus of being kind to your wallet. The next step, obviously, is to buy less clothes altogether. No new piece of clothing will enter my - already too full - wardrobe in 2015, but I need a plan for the following years.

Project 333 comes to mind. Have you heard of it? Its goal is to simplify your wardrobe to the point of using only 33 items over the course of 3 months. Interested? Click here.

In the weeks to come, I am also going to keep track of the clothes I do wear, vs the ones I don't wear. 

If you have any other tricks and strategies, please share!

WEEK 6 IN REVIEW

Temptations 

After the fourth big snow storm in 2 weeks, I have to admit I felt tempted to buy a snow blower. Luckily, we live in a close-knit community: 3 lovely neighbors came to our rescue on the worst of above mentioned storms. (Since the garden is buried under feet of snow, preventing me to offer homegrown foods in exchange, I paid them back in doughnuts.)

Donations

Nothing this week, but I have a feeling clothes are going to be tackled soon.


Observations

I realized that owning less is a great way to avoid purchasing things you don't need. This house is full of rolls of tape (scotch tape, masking tape, duct tape), and the reason is that I kept buying more because I had misplaced the ones I already had. Now that I am decluttering I rediscover a whole collection. No need to buy any tape in the years to come!


Cogitations

This post on fashion in general and clothes in particular is throwing me out of my comfort zone. I can resist a lot of stuff, but clothes belong to a different category. Not buying any might be one of my biggest challenges this year. I also feel like I should take inventory of the clothes I own, but I am scared of the results. Not too long ago, I noticed I own 5 pairs of winter boots. I still see a use for each of them. This is going to be hard...

What did you resist this week? Did you donate or get rid of anything? How did that make you feel? Please comment below! And...

• Become a follower of the blog (top left corner of this page)
• Follow me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/happinesssavouredhot
• Subscribe by email: mleuxj@gmail.com