The Less is More Project: Week 35 - The summer nothing happened

Back to school! As usual, the kids had a total of 9½ weeks of summer vacation this year. As usual, we had something planned for about 3 of those weeks (sending them to camp, traveling, seeing relatives, going camping). Which means there were still at least 6 weeks left unplanned.

As usual, I did not fall in the trap of booking them with activities 24/7. In fact, I organized pretty much nothing. After a full school year of tight schedules, I needed the break as much as they did. The only thing I made clear to them was that mornings would be dedicated to my - freelance from home - work, during which they could keep busy in any - safe and acceptable - way they saw fit. (Screen time was still limited to a max of 1 hour per day - figure out what to do with the rest of your time.)

As for afternoons, I wanted them to be left to the spirit of the moment. I wanted us to be spontaneous. Honestly, I also wanted us to experience idleness. Boredom, even. I longed to get lost in my thoughts, and I wished the same upon my kids.  Because, after all, having nothing to do has been shown to be good for children.

After three weeks of social gatherings, canoeing, swimming, hiking, fishing, bike rides, and other sports, campfires, restaurants, museums, parks and historical sites, you would imagine this sudden return to quiet would bore them to death.

When children are bored, two things happen. 1) They complain about it. 2) They start thinking. Boredom is the birthplace of creativity. Your brain has to generate original ideas. Something very important happens in the minutes that follow "I'm bored".

(Keep in mind that children who are not used to being bored might temporarily become annoying - let's not be scared to call things by their name here - but it should resolve if you give them a chance to figure it out.)

We did end up doing a couple fun things. We went to the beach. We visited - more - museums. We took walks in public gardens, in the woods, and on the waterfront. We visited the library. We went for bike rides. We played tennis. We picked berries. We flew a kite. We watched movies. We watched wildlife. We watched shooting stars. We baked. More importantly, we talked together.

But a lot of the time, I just let them be (and they returned me the favor). It was wonderful. I had time to exercise. To chat with friends. To read. To write. To hug my dog. To smell the flowers. To daydream. (Ah, the wonders of daydreaming! For more on the topic, click here.)

Left to their own devices, what did the kids do? They drew. They read. They wrote stories. They did self-directed crafts (my living room is now decorated with a sailing ship made out of cardboard boxes and rags). They played with Lego. They built forts. They played basketball on the street. They practiced their piano. They rode their bikes ad nauseam. They played outside with the neighbors.

Because I'm a cruel mother (ahem), they even helped with chores. The oldest was also hired by a neighbor to water his garden while he was away.

The only moment I heard them complain was whenever I told them to reapply sunscreen.

My kids are not saints for being able to thrive without structured activities and organized sports. Truth is, most kids can do the same... if given the opportunity.

A good friend of mine who also spent the summer at home with her children and did not plan much for them to do was commenting on how well-behaved they were. According to her, the reason was that they finally had time to rest. Most kids do so much usually, with school, organized sports and all, that they are exhausted... which has an impact on their mood. 

Children don't need their days to be filled with child specific activities. What they need is a safe environment in which they can explore and be creative. And when specific activities are happening, children don't have to be at the center of the plans. They can tag along. Simply respect their pace, get them involved... and let them be.



WEEK 35 IN REVIEW

Mountains of paper have left my home office as I am going through my filing cabinets. This must be one of the best feelings in the world. If I can remain organized in the paper department, it will qualify as one of the biggest accomplishments of the decade!


Your turn to share about your struggles and victories of the week! What did you resist? Did you donate or get rid of anything? Did you face any challenge? Please comment below! And...

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The Less is More Project: Week 34 - To do or not to do, that is the question

Brendan DeBrincat, Flickr

"Vacation means a change of pace, a gentleness with ourselves, a time of rest and renewal, and a time to stretch ourselves and encounter new people, new lands, new ways, and new options. The very newness opens the possibility of expanding our spirits and flushing out the stagnant particles in our blood." (Anne Wilson Schaef)


As consuming becomes less and less a temptation, and as my summer vacation is coming to an end, I am discovering a challenge I didn't know I had. I don't buy too much anymore. I don't own too much anymore either. But...

I still try to do too much.

Which can result in either two situations, depending:

1. Either I am super productive and accomplish tons of things, which is satisfying in a way, but also stressful, frustrating and exhausting in other ways...
2. Or I get discouraged by the amount of things to do and throw in the towel altogether, which is relieving in a way, but also stressful and frustrating in other ways.

Sometimes this struggle takes ridiculous forms, as this recent example will show.

My friend and neighbor M invited me to go pick blueberries about a kilometer from our houses. So we hoped on our bikes, pedaled for a few minutes, and found THE blueberry paradise, a whole area covered in more blue than green, all organic of course. Here was a seemingly endless supply of one of the healthiest foods on earth, usually not cheap in stores, for free! We filled a couple containers, and agreed that we would come back every single evening until the season is over. We did go back the next day. But on the third night, I did not feel like picking blueberries. For no particular reason. Just not in the mood. Instead of simply not going, and calling it a night, I briefly tortured myself with the thought that there were still free, delicious blueberries for me to pick out there, and that by my being lazy, I was going to miss on them! Suddenly the wonderful blueberry resource had become a source of stress instead of a source of happiness. 

Time to reframe!

The blueberry situation was quickly resolved, but it made me realize that we often feel forced to do things that we don't feel like doing just because we think we have to do them. 

Since time and energy are arguably more valuable resources than money, it might be a good idea to put those instances under the microscope, determine where our time and energy can be more wisely invested, and declutter our lives by ditching the rest.

Can you think of examples?

1) Do you have to clean your house to the point of immaculate before friends show up? Or can you just pick up the most obvious and relax, knowing that they won't notice?

I have been working on that one relentlessly. What's so terrible about letting your friends see an imperfect version of your house? Could it have anything to do with difficulties letting them see imperfect parts of yourself in general? Vulnerability issues, anyone? But I know that nobody likes perfect people. Plus, they know very well that it's just a facade. As I said. I'm working on it.

2) Do you have to entertain the kids on a vacation day? Or can you stick to making sure they stay safe, fed, rested and hydrated, and trust that they will be able to put their youthful energy and creativity to good use?

This one has been much less of a struggle. Every time I give some rope to my kids and let them figure out what to do with their time, I just love what they come up with so much (past the initial whining, of course). It reinforces me in the idea that they don't need my constant interventions.

3) Do you have to have to go out of your way to be friendly and bubbly with that person you don't really like, or is being polite and minimally pleasant enough?

This one was inspired by a recent conversation with a friend. Of course it's important to be nice and kind. Even to people we don't care for all that much. But we don't owe people anything more than treating them fairly. Giving yourself away to people who don't seem interested, or worse, don't show you minimal respect, is a sure way to get burned. (In the same vein: do you have to call this person who never calls you, or who monologues endlessly but never listens to your stories?)

4) Do you have to use all your potential fully? Or can you pick one career, one main hobby, and only use your other talents occasionally, without any hope of achieving anything big in those areas? Talk about relieving some pressure.

I have realized that it's not necessary, and often not even desirable, to try and reach the most advanced level in all areas I show potential for. Intermediate goals, that fit well within the rest of my life, can be perfectly acceptable. Then I can devote my time and energy to the one pursuit that really matters the most.


"Doing the best I can without too much anxiety or strain sounds like a relaxing way to live." (Anne Wilson Schaef)


WEEK 34 IN REVIEW

After months of pretty much no purchases (with the exceptions of necessities, of course), we have had to open our wallet a little bit more often lately. After school supplies and new shoes, it was time to take a look at the kids' clothes. What had they outgrown? Did they need anything? We went through the closets and dressers, one piece at a time, and discarded all that needed to go (either too small or too damaged). Then, we wrote down the specific items they needed. We went shopping with that list in hand, and only bought what was on it. Other temptations caught some eyes, but by carrying an actual list, it was easier to quickly put everyone back on track: "Remember, we are here to get you gym pants; you don't need anything else".

The discarded items that were still wearable went to a thrift store (2 big garbage bags).


Your turn to share about your struggles and victories of the week! What did you resist? Did you donate or get rid of anything? Did you face any challenge? Please comment below! And...

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The Less is More Project: Week 29 - A seasonal case of FOMO

Kouchibougouac National Park. JSM, 2015

Do you suffer from FOMO? This acronym stands for the “fear of missing out” on things interesting and exciting. There are various manifestations, causes and consequences to this phenomenon, but it seems to be compounded by the use of social media.

In my case, that fear of missing out acts predominantly during the summer. The reason is simple: our summers here are so short (snow until April, jackets + scarves + gloves in October) and so stingy in terms of warmth (evenings usually require long sleeves, and the water rarely gets past vivifying temperatures) that I want to make the most of it. 

Consequence, I often feel frustrated. There are so many fun things to choose from that I don't know where to begin... even if I was to limit myself to free activities. And that does not take into account the short window of opportunity offered by the nicer months to do work on the property. On a sunny day, I find myself having to decide between repainting the deck (which is overdue), writing a chapter (if I ever want that book to be a thing), taking the kids to the nearby lake or ocean, playing tennis with a friend, reading a good book, and many more options. 

It seems ridiculous to complain as I only work part-time in July and August (a choice I made in order to spend more time with my kids). Yet I manage to experience stress in the face of all the fun things (and all the responsibilities) I face. Why do I feel so pressed with time, and is there a way to regain peacefulness? This state of mind doesn't quite feel minimalistic! Any advice on how to apply the Less is More principle to our short Canadian summers? Knowing that I cannot spend it all backcountry camping?



Your turn to share about your struggles and victories of the week! What did you resist? Did you donate or get rid of anything? Did you face any challenge? Please comment below! And...

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